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12 Things I Can't Wait to Get Rid of This Spring

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With a 10-month-old on the scene, some tough choices must be made with our stuff. 

Man thinking

Guest blogger Paul Starke: Any readers who've ever lived in a moderately-sized New York apartment know that the experience is akin to living in a storage facility with indoor plumbing. Every spring, I take great pleasure in giving away/tossing out a bunch of crap that has simply outgrown my living space. When I got married, this process became slightly more difficult, as my wife brought with her several back issues of "Soap Opera Digest" and goofy, "retro" board games endorsed by '70s celebrities (trust me -- Chutes & Ladders & Ashford & Simpson is NOT as fun as it sounds). Now, with our 10-month-old Luke on the scene, some tough choices must be made, and certain things need to go. Here now, the 12 Things I Can't Wait to Get Rid of This Spring.

1 - Luke's collection of red overalls. For some reason, many of our aunts decided that the appropriate gift for our son would be red, corduruoy overalls. We have several dozen pair, each more hideous than the last.

2 - Some of our "zany" DVDs. Sure, I love "Fantasy Island" as much as the next guy, but I'm not positive we need the first three seasons on DVD.

3 - Our cat. Offer comes with free litter box and a lifetime supply of things she coughed up. Act now, and she'll scratch your face.

4 - The Bumbo seat.  We'd been seating Luke in this weird blue seat blob for months before we'd realized it had been recalled. Oops.

5 - Half of our "decorative" pillows. Every night, before crawling into bed, I must remove the dozen or so doily pillows my wife has bought for no apparent reason other than to be removed by me every night before going to sleep.

6 - Pregnancy Books. Sure, we enjoyed "What to Expect When You're Expecting," but we barely cracked the spine on the "Let Ted Danson Name Your Firstborn" series.

7 - All of my nice clothes. Since I don't go out any more, I really don't need to wear them.

8 - All of our dishes and cookware. see #7

9 - My Playstation 2. I need to make room for my Playstation 3 (which I'm forbidden to play anyhow, but I just like to look at it)

10 - Our giant swing-like chair objects. Luke loved them for the first few months, but now they sit in the living room, beckoning "Injure your head on me!"

11 - My mother-in-law's "novelty" gifts. Remember how annoying that singing bass thing was a few years ago? Well, imagine receiving something like that (a talking/singing animal or plant) for every national holiday. Dancing Hannukah Bear? Check. Singing Cupid? Got it. Our Arbor Day "Cacklin' Cactus" was the final straw.

12 - Instead of #12, this space is reserved for an apology to my wife. The cat can stay. Until she takes a dump in the kitchen again.


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5 comments so far | Post a comment now
ja February 28, 2009, 1:45 AM

Spring is the right time to make changes and get rid of everything that really bothered you. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’re annoyed until the coming spring throws some light on it. But we have to make sure we don’t rid of important things in life too. Like cats, or… decorative pillows. :)

ashley February 28, 2009, 8:23 AM

LOL! I love your posts! I am going to have a huge garage sale this spring. I have been saving up all of my daughters stuff for almost 2 years now. I thought about having a sale last year but she was still using stuff so I thought this year I’ll have a blow out and sell tons of stuff. The 2 things I cant’t wait to get rid of? 1.The saucer chair, here it sits, next to the computer desk, unoccupied by a human for a year now and collecting toys,hats coats, etc. 2.I have 6 diaper boxes full of baby clothes that I keep trying to find hiding places for. Not to mention all the junk in the attic and the high chair she refuses to sit in. I hope to make some good money too!!

Randi February 28, 2009, 12:17 PM

You kidding? In about 6 months that Luke is going to be better at your PS3 games than you ever would be! Start playing and enjoy it with him! My apologies to the wifey, I had to give in, too (and we have the PS2, PS3, game cube, wii, xbox and a bunch of older systems hooked up to various tv’s in the house..dreamcast, ugh!)

Nothing like bringing back memories.

Anonymous February 28, 2009, 9:52 PM

Be a responsible pet owner! Pet’s are not expendable.

James February 7, 2010, 9:34 PM

I’m confused on #8. Don’t you need the cookware because you don’t go out?


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