With a 10-month-old on the scene, some tough choices must be made with our stuff.
Guest blogger Paul Starke: Any readers who've ever lived in a moderately-sized New York apartment know that the experience is akin to living in a storage facility with indoor plumbing. Every spring, I take great pleasure in giving away/tossing out a bunch of crap that has simply outgrown my living space. When I got married, this process became slightly more difficult, as my wife brought with her several back issues of "Soap Opera Digest" and goofy, "retro" board games endorsed by '70s celebrities (trust me -- Chutes & Ladders & Ashford & Simpson is NOT as fun as it sounds). Now, with our 10-month-old Luke on the scene, some tough choices must be made, and certain things need to go. Here now, the 12 Things I Can't Wait to Get Rid of This Spring.
1 - Luke's collection of red overalls. For some reason, many of our aunts decided that the appropriate gift for our son would be red, corduruoy overalls. We have several dozen pair, each more hideous than the last.
2 - Some of our "zany" DVDs. Sure, I love "Fantasy Island" as much as the next guy, but I'm not positive we need the first three seasons on DVD.
3 - Our cat. Offer comes with free litter box and a lifetime supply of things she coughed up. Act now, and she'll scratch your face.
4 - The Bumbo seat. We'd been seating Luke in this weird blue seat blob for months before we'd realized it had been recalled. Oops.
5 - Half of our "decorative" pillows. Every night, before crawling into bed, I must remove the dozen or so doily pillows my wife has bought for no apparent reason other than to be removed by me every night before going to sleep.
6 - Pregnancy Books. Sure, we enjoyed "What to Expect When You're Expecting," but we barely cracked the spine on the "Let Ted Danson Name Your Firstborn" series.
7 - All of my nice clothes. Since I don't go out any more, I really don't need to wear them.
8 - All of our dishes and cookware. see #7
9 - My Playstation 2. I need to make room for my Playstation 3 (which I'm forbidden to play anyhow, but I just like to look at it)
10 - Our giant swing-like chair objects. Luke loved them for the first few months, but now they sit in the living room, beckoning "Injure your head on me!"
11 - My mother-in-law's "novelty" gifts. Remember how annoying that singing bass thing was a few years ago? Well, imagine receiving something like that (a talking/singing animal or plant) for every national holiday. Dancing Hannukah Bear? Check. Singing Cupid? Got it. Our Arbor Day "Cacklin' Cactus" was the final straw.
12 - Instead of #12, this space is reserved for an apology to my wife. The cat can stay. Until she takes a dump in the kitchen again.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, An Inconvenient Book.|