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PiscesForgive, Forget, For Real?
Here's why I stay with my husband.
Guest blogger mom-on-the-edge:Like Mt. Kilauea, my husband is constantly erupting. And each time we get into an argument, I have to psych myself up to forgive and forget. How else can a marriage survive? And each time he remains quiet, passively holding on to his aggression.
I had just returned from my third trip to our new home. We're moving at the end of this week and I've been trying to make the transition easier. One childproof gate installed, all outlets covered, shower curtain and rod -- check. It was a long day.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Fine."
Silence.
At first I was going to ignore it. But, of course, I couldn't help myself...
"You have nothing to say? How's the new place? Thank you. Something?"
"I'm folding the wash."
"That's your excuse? You've said you're eating so you can't talk. You're tired so you can't talk. People DO fold wash and carry on a conversation. A marriage can't work if you don't communicate. I hear you talk to your mother on the phone for an hour and you barely say two words to me..."
That last part sparked the fireworks.
"Whore! I hate you! I want a divorce! The only thing wrong with me is YOU!"
He grabbed his bag and left. Again. I barely cried, I'm so used to it. No calls, nothing. Two days later he walked through the front door like nothing happened.
My friend asked me why I don't just leave him.
I don't have a job and the economy sucks. He has incredible health insurance. I took a vow 'for better or for worse.' I have to feel that I've done everything possible before making such a big, life-changing decision that would not only affect me but my son...
And, because according to the Stepfamily Foundation, two out of three stepfamilies fail. One of the founders of that organization was quoted in the news today asking, "Would you take your child on a plane to San Francisco with a one-third chance of making it there? That's what millions of people are doing every day when they try to form these families."
And, for that reason and all the others, I will once again try to forgive and forget.
See Also:
- When An Ex Finds You on Facebook
- Pursuing Happiness is Scary
- The Economy Killed Secret Santa
- Help! My Husband's a Major Grinch
- Why Can't I Party Like My Husband?
- My In-laws Treated Me Like an Outlaw
- My Husband is Nice to Me -- And I Don't Like It
- (Almost) Divorced Daddy's Girl
- Will My Son Be OK If He's an Only Child?
- Get Mad And Move On
- When Your Husband's a Thief
- The Week from Hell
- I Married a Bad Boy
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- 41 Comments
You don’t have to start a step family if you leave him, try single parenting its not that bad, my mom always said its wasn’t us kids who made her have less money its the relationships that do it.
men learn that behavior from somewhere, do you want your son to learn that behavior and treat his wife that way? would you rather him be in a single parent home, or in a step family home or in a verbally/emotionally abusive home?? i am the wife in a step family home, and its not that hard…maybe because i became part of my buddies life (i hate “step” - to me it sounds like saying my adopted son…i know he isn’t my son, but i love him as much as i love my son…they are my world)anyhow, when i became part of his life he was 3, so he doesn’t remember life anyother way. it can be hard sometimes, but RARELY. but we have been together for 6 amazing years and i wouldn’t change our life for anything. go to school or get a job….get a babysitter or gradparent or daycare to watch your son, and get out of that relationship…it’s bad for you and bad for your son.
I’m a single parent and love it. I don’t have the energy drain of being in a bad marriage. That allows me the emotional freedom to focus on positive things; my personal well being, raising healthy children, raising my business, etc… I feel I’ve set a good example for my children that I have enough self worth to choose positivity over accepting negativity.
I am not going to feel sorry for you because you always post stuff like this. If these things are truly happening to you, then leave him. No excuses, just leave. If you are making this stuff up, you need to stop because it really happens to some women, it’s called an abusive relationship.
I would rather be a single mother than to put up with verbal and emotional abuse like that. It’s not a healthy environment for your child to see your husband’s behavior; that’s teaching him that it’s OK to treat your partner like crap. Get a job, get an education (if you haven’t already) and get out of this dysfunctional relationship…and if you can’t, you need to take a good look why…is it because you like the drama? fearful of change? Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change. Are you going to stay at the cost of your emotional wellbeing? Your child’s development? And I wouldn’t even think as far as a step family yet. I think it’s better to be alone than to jump into anything else if you ever do leave this guy.
GET OUT! Please. I’ve been there. We have two children and one of them has severe disabilities. I don’t get nursing and can’t leave the house to work. I stayed for years because of that until one day he decided HE was through. When I started standing up to him after 13 of verbal abuse he was ready to bail. It was one thing when he could go off and I would take it. Now we are struggling but we are free. I am not afraid all of the time anymore. This is not a problem that gets better, it will only get worse. Get out, it is better for you and your kids. My children listened to the screaming for too long and now my son has behavioral problems. Please, get out!
Is this blog “for real?”
pretty soon your son will lose respect for you and start treating you like his father does b/c he sees its okay
I imagine there is some study, or some expert somewhere, who says staying married and raising your kid in a hostile environment is going to cause some major problems. Why raise your son in an environment with a father who has anger issues and doesn’t know how to respect his mom?
U9s3zg comment3 ,
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
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Great site. Keep doing.
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
Very interesting site. Hope it will always be alive!
Great work, webmaster, nice design!
You have to tell him in a moment of calmness how it makes you feel every time he leaves like that and then returns without an apology or at least an explanation and an attempt to work things out. He may be staying with you only because he feels some sense of obligation to you because the son that you share or he may be doing this because he knows that you have no other place to go - you’re stuck so he can get away with whatever he wants. That is an unhealthy environment for both of you, not to mention your son. If he is truly that miserable and making you miserable and your son is constantly watching daddy walk out the door, then maybe its time to end the slow and steady torture of emotional abuse. Which will eventually get worse unless the situation is resolved. Get a job or go back to school or both if necessary and get yourself and your child out of this emotionally abusive life. If you choose not to leave right now at least do yourself a favor talk to your family/friends and ask them to help you make a plan for just in case. Then go back to school and be prepared just in case one day you change your mind and decide to leave, you’ll want to be ready.