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My Friend Betrayed Me

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Here's the latest installment of the Friendship Court

Laurie from Omaha writes: I told Amy, my best friend of twenty years, that I had something very serious to tell her but I could only tell her if she swore she would not share it with anyone.

women whispering

She of course, swore she would never and then went on and on telling me how in all the years we'd been friends, she had never betrayed my confidence. So, I confessed that I was cheating on my husband and having an affair. I am so not "the cheating type" and I was freaking out and needed to talk and get Amy's input about how I was going to break it off. Amy asked a lot of questions and I shared a lot of details. Well, you can guess the reason I am writing to "The Friendship Court." Amy told her husband Jack and Jack felt a "manly obligation" to tell his "fellow man" (my husband) everything I told Amy. I want to kill her!!! My marriage, I pray, may recover, but my friendship ... I don't think so! What do you think?

Guest blogger Leslie Adler: Laurie, I hope you aren't serious about killing her ... because then you will end up in a whole different kind of court -- and that will not be good. However, I feel your pain and your anger.

In my court, there is no defense for Amy's behavior. "hos before bros" and "chicks before d@#%*" are among my friendship mantras! Even if she was morally opposed to what you were doing, she should not have shared your secret. I would send Amy packing and put her in friendship jail where she belongs and my advice for you: work on patching up your marriage, if that is what you want and then, find a new BFF.

Ever have a fight or a break-up with a friend and wish a judge could tell you who's right?

Join THE FRIENDSHIP COURT in our ML Community and Leslie will help you settle this once and for all!

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23 comments so far | Post a comment now
Cassandra March 4, 2009, 7:19 PM

I completely agree with Leslie on this one. You went to your best friend for help because you made a horrible mistake and were filled with guilt. You confided in her and she betrayed you. Friends are supposed to stand beside you, even when you mess up, after all we are all human, and we all make mistakes.

broken hearted August 26, 2009, 1:05 AM

May 10, 2008, I found out that my friend had been having an affair for the past 12.4 years with my husband. They had been meeting at different biking parks in our city and other cities, having sex in the back of either an SUV or truck, then riding bikes three times a week. She even had gotten him a cell phone so I would not know. All the while maintaining a friendship with me. Our friendship had not been as close in the past couple years but only because when I would say, lets get together with them as a couple, he would say he did not like her husband and us girls would talk and it left him with the husband. So, we spent less time with them, but the Christmas cards were still flowing, and phone calls and when I lost both breasts to cancer in 2004, she was at the hospital.

I am so completely heartbroken and betrayed, I cannot put this behind me. I have had to deal with a lot of other heart break in the past five years, the cancer, losing my father, being diagnosed with MS, having to close my company due to cancer and then trying to train for two corp. jobs that were extremely stressfull. My MS is primarily cognitive so the learning curve was not there, and the stress wash horrible, and I was 52 at the time. At the time of the confession, we had been married for 37 years, and I also learned of his other infidelities for 13 years prior to her, some with other of my friends.

I cannot deal with this. I have been hospitalized for it. He swears that he loves me, never loved her, it was just sex, and I have been looking into sex addiction, for which he is seeking counseling beginning next week. His other counselor of this past year has focused on cognitive therapy and that is not the proper type for his issues.

But, I am afraid I will never get over this. It eats at me like cancer, and my hatred for her, for them, for the lack of love care or concern for me as a person, a human being, kills me. My breast surger took 12 hours, I had a tram flap reconstruct, and lost a lot of blood and both lungs collapsed. That did not stop them. Instead, they began going on week long camping trips. Also, the reason it ended was I basically caught them. That makes it all the worse for me.

I want to beat her, hurt her. My anger toward her has no bounds. I have tons of emails that she sent to him, constantly soliciting him for more bike rides, so that they could spend all day Sunday somewhere on the bikes, and I would spend these days alone. He also had stopped having sex with me at all for the past six years, years when I needed him the most.

I am dealing with why I allowed him to treat me this way in my therapy. My biggest thing is how to get past this burning anger and hatred for my friend, and the two others as well. It is just that she was in my face, hugging me at Komen walks, acting like nothing was going on. I am so humiliated and infuriated at their behavior, he had to call her three times every single day. Why? He did not love her, and that much I know is true. Why? It is so much to bear, I cannot begin to explain. We have five grown daughters and 12 grand children and a great grandchild on the way. I am still a very attractive woman, I go out, and men aske me out. A 35 year old man is bugging me to death to go out, and I am so not going to do that, but my point is I am not a toad. I am shattered and I don’t think that I will ever recover. I put him out last month finally and cannot live. I just am destroyed.

Why do people do these things to other people with no conscience?

Anonymous January 25, 2010, 3:34 PM

A new reality program with DR DREW PINKSY is currently looking for individuals who have been estranged from loved ones, siblings, parents, children, or close friends for a year or more.

Is there someone who used to be a large part of your life, but after some kind of falling out you haven’t spoken in years? DR DREW would like to talk to you about your experience…. OR do you know of two people who are no longer speaking to each other as a result of a big falling out??

DR DREW is interviewing individuals with different kinds of estranged stories (i.e. - siblings, co-workers, best friends, parents / children). Participants chosen for the project will be compensated.

Please email me your story!! Also include your NAME, AGE and all your CONTACT information (including contact phone number)

Email to:

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