My vibrator got lost in the mail.
But I'm not worried. Rather than sitting on my butt all night and eating chocolate, I've had a master plan for more than a month:
I'm going to have sex with myself.
Sorry if that sounds crude. Maybe I should have said, "I'm going to make love with myself." Yes, that does sound better, doesn't it?
Being the planner that I am -- every single woman needs a game plan before any holiday, right? -- I ordered my "Orchid G" three weeks ago.
Since then, I've been bragging to my married friends about my fantastic purchase from Babeland. ("Next time you 'water your flower' ... try this pretty posy of a vibrator.")
I've secretly renamed it my "hydrating flower" -- and they've teased me, "Your hydrating flower arrived yet?"
Actually, no. I even picked up the AA batteries. It should be here by now! Valentine's Day is in four days. Where's my hydrating flower?
So, while writing this post, I emailed Babeland, and got an apology right back: "It looks like it got lost in the mail."
Say what? They're sending another one, but this is cutting it pretty close.
Between you and me, I think that someone else might be enjoying my hydrating flower. Well, at least one of us will be having a wet Valentine's Day. And there's no forecast for rain here.
|Rachel Sarah, a.k.a. "Single Mom Seeking," blogs at SingleMomSeeking.com and co-founded SingleMommyHood.com, the first-ever website to offer "a whole new way to think about single parenting."|