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My Man Makes Me Sick ... When I'm Sick!

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Rather than staying home and taking care of me, my husband went out and got drunk with his buddies. Imagine if I'd done that to him?

sick woman thinking of her husband

Guestblogger MILF Mommy: I don't get sick much, but when I do, it hits me: the fever, the chills, the sore throat, the whole deal. My husband, however, gets sick a lot. Sick meaning he has a cold yet acts like he is dying. When this happens he, like most men, becomes a child: needs to be tucked in, fed, I practically have to blow his nose. Guess what happened when the tables turned?

(Phone rings)
Me: (barely audible or able to lift my head) Hello?
Him: Babe! Hey! It's me! S'up?
Me: (coughing and thinking he's calling to see if I want some chicken soup) Oh. Hi.
Him: Babe! Can I go to the Laker game tonight? Just got invited!
Me: Tonight?
Him: YEAH! Great seats, front row babe! I'm gonna go, k?
Me: (thinking he might be kidding) Ummmm, well ... I guess. Really?
Him: Cool. Love ya. Bye!
Me: Hello? Hello? (coughing fit)

Now, had HE been sick, this would have NEVER happened. One, because if my girlfriends called to ask me out I would have automatically said no. Secondly, he put me in a bad position by even asking because had I said "No, I need you home" I would have been that annoying wife that doesn't let her husband do anything. Later, when he called to say he was on his way to the game, I finally told him I would have rather had him home. His response? "Why, you're just laying there anyway. Not much I can do!" "You could make me dinner!" I responded. "Ohhh big deal! You have to make dinnerrrr" he said.

This turned into a two-day fight, because after the game he didn't come home for several hours. Where was he? Out drinking with his friends. Are you friggin' kidding me?

I was so pissed. The next time he is sick, even the REAL deal sick, I am planning a night out on the town with the girls. He'll just be laying there anyway, not much I can do ...

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    22 comments so far | Post a comment now
    Anonymous February 4, 2009, 9:41 AM

    what a butt!! what is it with men?????

    Lila February 4, 2009, 10:05 AM

    Sounds like a bigger problem than just this one incident. “Ohhh big deal! You have to make dinnerrrr” ? Is he five?

    Kira February 4, 2009, 10:37 AM

    Clearly you’re more of a caretaker than he is. Caretaking is a character trait to notice early in the relationship, and either accept that he’s lacking or find someone else. Male caretakers exist, but they often don’t have the other more (stereotypical) ‘manly’ qualities our culture seems to esteem either. In my experience, people who are not caretakers don’t change that much: they either are or they’re not. If you get me started, there is a lot to say about our culture and how we raise our sons that leads to whether a man knows how to take care of others or not.

    Anonymous February 4, 2009, 10:39 AM

    you know i think all men are like this.. they are sick and they are dying, they are like big babys… this too has happened to me a few times, and i told him that for now on when he is sick i will treat him the same way im treated by him when im sick. and after the first time he pretty much got the hint. he still is a big baby when he is sick and he still does “forget” that im sick.. so i really dont think that my way about it worked…

    Anna February 4, 2009, 1:31 PM

    Amen, sister. Promise all of us you’ll hit the town with your girlfriends the next 10 times he’s “sick.”

    Anonymous February 4, 2009, 2:03 PM

    yeah, Im a stay at home mom and hardly ever get sick. This past winter I did however get very sick and my husband went out with his friends and stayed out il early morning! I guess some of us are just luckier than others when it comes to picking the right one!

    Go, get lost, good riddance.  February 4, 2009, 2:14 PM

    His leaving was a blessing. You can’t have been with him long not to know that. Any long time committed woman can tell you that most men, with very few exceptions, get all pissy when they suddenly find themselves forced to do things they’ve never even had to think about before. Especially when those things are difficult, (caretaking, housework, Duh!) Had he stayed, he would have interrupted your fevered rest countless times to complain about how you’ve been loading the dishes in the dishwasher wrong all these years, how the cooking pots and pans were all scratched up when he found them, how worthless your favorite cleaning products are, how the laundry has never been folded right, how the kids have nothing healthy to eat, etc… Trust me, the last thing a sick woman needs is a man’s crap behavior on top of a crap illness. And besides, you already know you’ll get more done without him.






    Travis February 4, 2009, 6:05 PM

    In sickness and health. My wife has been thru serveral sugeries and some sickness. I cant imagine not being there for her. When she is in need I become Mr. mom and take care of things for her (some i should be doing anyway). Maybe I am just abnormal but when you make a vow to be responsible for each other you should mean it.

    Travis

    jw February 5, 2009, 5:57 PM

    Was the game something that he regularly goes to or something that was a he would normally not go to, y’know a once in a lifetime thing. If it’s a regular thing then he should have skipped it, however if this invite to the game was a rare occurrence for your guy then maybe it’s not so bad that he went. By the way men, like women, are not mind readers so if you needed him there to take care of you then you should told him. The fact that you didn’t says more about you then it does about him. It sounds like you may need to learn to speak up for yourself. Next time you are sick ask him to stay and take care of you. If he says no then you may have a problem with your relationship. If he says yes then you know the problem was with your inability to speak and ask for what you need.

    Justin February 19, 2009, 11:31 PM

    A couple of issues..

    1) Why didn’t you call him back and tell him to come home?
    2)Are you really going to harbor resentment about this and get revenge on him in the future? If so, who is being the child now?
    3)Because you weren’t willing to stand up to your husband you just hurt your relationship.

    Be forthright, not cowardly.

    Jordan February 21, 2009, 4:12 AM

    arm well to annoy i think ur really sterotyping there cause im a guy and im nothing like that i always put my gf before me.
    I AM SO SICK OF MALE STEREOTYPES.

    Chuck February 26, 2009, 2:25 PM

    I would never think of going out or anyplace if my wife of 35 years gets sick. I am there for her, as the vows say, “…in sickness and in health!”
    She is there when I am sick and I am there when she is sick. Anything she needs, I get it for her. If we don’t have it in the house, I go get and am back within 15 minutes. I think wives whose husbands abandon them when they are sick should do the same to the husband when he gets sick. My wife knows that when I get sick, I just want to be left alone, but she is always there should I need anything, and I do the same for her. I love my wife.

    Me March 7, 2009, 2:08 AM

    Oh, how this brings back memories. My husband is not the kind to go out with his buddies, but he still can find ways.

    I have had this problems with urinary infections, those of you who deal with it know that you feel like dying from the pain( not to mention the damn thing is a result of sex so he’s part of it). So six years ago I wake him up at night and send him to buy some medicine, guess what? He said no and he didn’t go.

    1.5 years ago I ended up in ER, asked him to go alone to pick up my meds; with much whining he agreed and dropped me off at home. He had some pizza he was preparing to eat before we rushed to the ER. I ate a slice, one slice of the thing because I was hungry and there was nothing else I could just grab. Guess what? He had the nerve to be pissed off that I ate his food (just a slice, okay? while I was in excruciating pain waiting for the pills to work; they didn’t and I was feeling worse and worse) He didn’t talk to me for two days because he was upset.

    KBoy March 17, 2009, 6:19 AM

    I just broke off our engagement, because my ex would ignore my request for help because she was angry with me for getting myself sick!

    Not only that, but she seems to be indifferent to suffering. Other times, when she does help, sometimes she does it grudgingly.

    Based on some of your stories, it sounds like I did the right thing by getting out early.


    Jennifer March 26, 2009, 3:35 PM

    This issue is not about caregivers or biological preference. My husband for all accounts is a wonderful human being! I mean great.

    I have never left him when he was ill. I am more vigilant if there is dizziness or fever involved.Because that can mean passed out trying to go to the toilet.

    A few years ago, I had a 104(f) fever, I could not walk, I was dizzy and I was vomiting a lot! He said, Are you gonna be al right, in my weary , half aware state I said, uuh yeah! He F””” went out and stayed out 5 hours and played pool and drank.

    I have never felt so betrayed in my whole life! He might as well have said, You know what, U cannot count on me if things get bad!

    I called his father( decent guy) they lived close at the time and asked if he could bring me some Nyquil, because my husband wasn’t answering his phone and was out! He said, What you have seizures, he can’t leave you with that high a fever!

    My in laws came over and helped me up and gave me medicine and when he got back his father was waiting there in our living room!!!

    Now, every time I get a sniffle he’s like you want me to cancel guys night I will!

    Jennifer March 26, 2009, 3:38 PM

    This issue is not about caregivers or biological preference. My husband for all accounts is a wonderful human being! I mean great.

    I have never left him when he was ill. I am more vigilant if there is dizziness or fever involved.Because that can mean passed out trying to go to the toilet.

    A few years ago, I had a 104(f) fever, I could not walk, I was dizzy and I was vomiting a lot! He said, Are you gonna be al right, in my weary , half aware state I said, uuh yeah! He F””” went out and stayed out 5 hours and played pool and drank.

    I have never felt so betrayed in my whole life! He might as well have said, You know what, U cannot count on me if things get bad!

    I called his father( decent guy) they lived close at the time and asked if he could bring me some Nyquil, because my husband wasn’t answering his phone and was out! He said, What you have seizures, he can’t leave you with that high a fever!

    My in laws came over and helped me up and gave me medicine and when he got back his father was waiting there in our living room!!!

    Now, every time I get a sniffle he’s like you want me to cancel guys night I will!

    jamie April 18, 2009, 9:17 PM

    I was reading some of the posts by guys… just like my husband, they seem to have it all figured out. “You should have just spoken up for yourself”… Yeah, right. If this guy is anything like my husband (and it sounds like he is), he would have gotten his way, no matter what. LIKE SHE MENTIONED IN THE POST, if she speaks up for herself, she is a big, mean, controlling, annoying wife who never lets her husband do anything. He gets mad, pouts, it leads to a fight… If she says nothing, she is a doormat, feels bad, feels unimportant, and it leads to a fight. How in the world can you blame the woman for this? The guy is a jerk and that is no one’s fault but HIS. Is anyone really that stupid that you NEED someone to tell you - hey, you’re being stupid! My baby doesn’t tell me she needs her diaper changed, my husband doesn’t tell me he needs to eat, and I shouldn’t have to tell him to take care of me when I am ill. And to answer my own question, yes, some men really ARE that dumb (and, yes, I said SOME men because there are rumors that some different sort of man exists out there somewhere…) I recently became VERY ill, which is rare for me. And even when I spoke up and told my husband I needed help with some things that are normally my responsibilty, like bathing the baby, etc. he basically shrugged me off. I didn’t need him to wait on me hand and foot - just clean the kid because if I try I may pass out and that could be dangerous. But no, the baby can wait and be bathed when you’re well. He told me to just wipe her down with wet wipes. He had some friends to talk with outside and some beer to drink. Oooh, sorry. Guys ARE children. They are big, whiny, selfish creatures that can’t possible cater to the needs of another (unless she is really hot and he is trying to get her in bed).

    Nicole May 24, 2009, 11:56 AM

    Man, my husband has Multiple Sclerosis and he’s no where near this bad. When I get my kidney stones, he’s basically waiting on me hand and foot even if he’s not feeling up to par.

    minnie June 8, 2009, 1:55 AM

    i so feel the women in this space.men act like they are dying when they are sick.n they so often like being sick.how is this?

    Of course March 7, 2010, 1:45 AM

    Isn’t it obvious? When men get married they pass on the responsibilities of their mothers to their wives. When we get sick, we are expected to be able to take care of ourselves. If they get sick, we need to take care of them even if they are kicking and screaming the whole way through.


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