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I'm Big and Pregnant. What's Your Excuse?

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Under no circumstances do strangers need to make comments about the size of a pregnant woman. Regardless of what they see or what they think they see -- keep those opinions to yourself.

pregnant woman being gossiped about

Edmonds Mommy: During my second pregnancy, I have been amazed by what comes out of people's mouths. Just when I thought I've got this pregnancy thing down and am able to maintain some sort of style (which included locating the super cute flats, and wearing that Bella Band with my saucy jeans), some idiot nails me with a "Is it triplets?"or a "Wow, you're huuuge!" comment. The most shocking part is that these comments happen more at the grocery store than with people I actually know.

Since when do strangers get to comment on my body shape? Do I get to retort with commentary on their muffin top or lazy eye? No. I hold my tongue then sashay my way through the insolence, telling myself that this person is a moron and not to take anything to heart. It works the other way, too. Co-workers and acquaintances get wind of a pregnancy then wonder, "Why aren't you showing?," "You should be bigger by now," or "Is everything okay?" People! Where is the sensitivity? Being pregnant seems to give people the green light to forego their social graces and just let the comments fly ... whatever they may be. Luckily, I have a thick skin when it comes to this stuff. I do not lay awake thinking about the lady in the frozen foods section who asked, "Just how much have you put on?"

People. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself! Not only are you rude, you are dealing with someone who has more than her share of hormones pulsing through her body and literally could snap at any moment. Save the new mom-to-be the heartache. Save yourself the black eye and button that lip!


30 comments so far | Post a comment now
Ro February 10, 2009, 3:36 PM

Amen.

Scott Blogs February 10, 2009, 3:36 PM

When my wife was pregnant with our first (just about a year old now) the one thing she hated the most was random people touching her belly. Comments are one thing, but touching a stranger is just inappropriate.

After our daughter was born, the most irritating thing is when strangers try and touch her - especially when she was a newborn. Keep your sickness to yourself people, and stop touching my kid! She’s not a puppy! (and don’t touch my dog either)

Monty - Follow me! February 10, 2009, 3:37 PM

People have really forgotten their manners!

Greg February 10, 2009, 3:40 PM

I just want to say I agree with your take on this subject 100%. I have adopted the philosophy to never ask when someone is due unless I know them personally and know for an absolute fact that they are expecting. You could really ruin someone’s day if they are not pregnant.

gemma February 10, 2009, 3:48 PM

I didn’t even like family members touching me so why would i want a stranger do it…I’m lucky though being a bit on the big side anyway strangers don’t usually comment on my size they might just get a handbag round the chops!!

Redwoodmomma February 10, 2009, 3:56 PM

During both of my pregnancies I was taken aback by the brazen audacity of strangers, especially older men and women who felt it was their right to touch my belly without asking!
The other side was that being publicly blessed by strangers in other cultures while traveling across the globe - translated to good health and wellness for both me and my child. That I didn’t mind so much.

Queen Bee February 10, 2009, 3:57 PM

I was in my 7th month of pregnancy and while I was walking past a group of ladies in the food court one stopped me and asked me if I was having twins. I politely told her no it was just one in there but all of a sudden I felt like crap. I know that I looked huge because I was pregnant, but I never FELT fat until that lady said something. He was 8lbs 9oz when he was born. What do you expect!

Ben's Momma February 10, 2009, 4:02 PM

I was very slim when I got pregnant, and didn’t gain any weight anywhere but in my belly and butt. People would walk up to me and say “Wow, twins, huh?” or people I knew would comment on how big my butt had gotten or how huge my tummy was. I had never had my feeling hurt more by words than when I was pregnant. I gained 34 pounds - and I had gestational diabetes, so I was on a diet for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. That’s not a lot. That was my recommend weight I should gain. People are just rude and have no sympathy for pregnant womens feelings; or anyone elses for that matter.

Heather February 10, 2009, 4:07 PM

During my last day at work prior to maternity leave one of my less tactful co-workers blurted “We KNOW you’re having twins, or triplets. Just look at you!” Mind you, she said this while jamming her second or third burger into her puffy face.

I think she jinxed me; my son did end up being 10 lbs even at birth.

Ida February 10, 2009, 4:32 PM

For my second pregnancy, I somehow showed a great deal more than with my first. I didn’t gain a lot of weight (21 lbs) but I’m fairly small (5’3”) and everybody would say, “Wow, you’re HUGE!” or “You’re baby is going to be SOOO BIG.” I could hardly believe my ears. It really bugged me but I tried to keep my spirits up by walking and trying to eat right. I finally had my little girl who weighed in at 6lbs 6 ozs, and lost almost all the wt by 6 mos…but I guess it was just the way she “settled” in me or the way I “carried”…my belly just really stuck out. Of course, people didn’t know…all they saw was a huge belly and apparently they forgot their manners!

Rachel Louise Devenport February 10, 2009, 5:36 PM

I was huge with both my pregnancies and must admit “i wore my belly with pride!” i think there is something uniquely beautiful about a pregnant woman, although i do agree that people seem to forget you are a person with feelings and not just an “incubator!” the amount of times i heard “twins?” with my second son was silly (he was a whopping 10lb 2oz though haha). But one thing that always sticks in my mind was an elderly lady approaching me afterwards (whilst pushing my new son in his pram and also with my 2yr old) and saying “its so refreshing to see a young mum (ahem im 28!) wearing a wedding ring these days!” i had to stop my hasty retort of “They were concieved in wedlock too arnt i a clever girl?” any settle for smiling sweetly …. people just dnt think! i suppose she thought it was a complement!

Angie February 10, 2009, 5:45 PM

I was six months pregnant the first time I was approached by a woman who insisted on rubbing my belly for “Good Luck.” It was a bit disturbing to say the least. I couldn’t fathom the idea that someone would just walk up to a complete stranger and put their hands on my body. I stood there in a state of shock with eyes as wide as cantaloupes. I slowly turned my head towards my husband who was standing there with a blank look on his face. All the while, this lady is still rubbing away and calling for her husband to come, and I quote “SEE THE LADY WHO’S ABOUT TO POP!” …. I was only six months pregnant! I felt horrible after that and I vowed I’d NEVER put another pregnant woman in that same position as I was in that day.

Anonymous February 10, 2009, 5:55 PM

I hated it too when I was pregnant, some ten years ago.

But, give it time, All.

One of the things that comes home to you, after your tubes (or your partner’s) are tied, or you are way past the age, or or or…

Is the nostalgia that now, in your current state of trying desperately to grow another human inside one that is already trying to stay alive, you cannot imagine.

The strange comfort of a life not yet there.

The sense of a life that will help the human race continue.

The belief that this life is the precious possession of all of us.

The amazing sensation of life beneath the skin which, when you were pregnant, you believed to be personal and permanent, or renewable, but now know to be as fleeting as a first kiss.

Give the grandmothers some slack.

Give the mothers with teenagers some slack.

They miss the briefest of moments when the birth of their beloved was visible. Four months out of a life! Four months of possibility, balanced against the reality of fatigue and anxiety and hoping.

Every one of them has been where you are now, and, probably, you haven’t yet been in their shoes.

When I had a tiny babe, I couldn’t believe that the women who had ten-year-olds could understand my reality. They were another species.

That is like our kids thinking we had never been children ourselves.

It is hard for all of us who have only been individuals in the cycle of life to be seen collectively. Pisses us off. But… wait… remember…

Remember especially the personal pleasure of having that moving life for such a short time to yourself. And the grandmothers who wanted, too, to share and be a part again, as they had been before.

From travelingmama

[200 lbs and 5.2”, working until the day I gave birth and back at work supporting my family 6 weeks later]

www.thetravelingmama.com

Evelyn Daniels February 10, 2009, 7:50 PM

I hear you. A pregnant women is not public property. And when I did tell people they were off base when I was preggo they looked at me like I was the crazy B****.

K&C's mom February 10, 2009, 10:05 PM

I didn’t get very big with my first, you could barely tell I was pregnant, but with my second, I got huge, and heard all the comments, and got my belly rubbed by strangers. It is very irritating!!!! They wouldn’t touch you any other time, but when you’re pregnant they seem to think that gives them a free ticket.

Anonymous February 11, 2009, 1:12 AM

I’d tell them to kiss my butt!

Anonymous February 11, 2009, 4:02 AM

“Check yourself before you wreck yourself”?

You must be a big Ali G fan to make that kind of reference.

Anonymous February 11, 2009, 12:29 PM

While yes the comments can be rude, I think pregnant women shouldn’t be so overly sensitive. I’ve had 3 pregnancies and while I gained under 25 pounds each and had small to average sized babies, people still commented. I think they just said it because they didn’t know what else to say (congratulations would do) and it’s just a common statement like, “how are you”. I don’t think they mean anything by it and are just having conversation. Just brush it off, it’s really no big deal. We shouldn’t be so self conscious about being pregnant, it’s a perfectly normal state.

Jill February 11, 2009, 2:57 PM

Some family friends of my in-laws were invited to my baby shower. The woman in close to my mil and her daughter went to school with my husband. My sister had a great idea to play that dreadful game, were goes how big around the mother to be is. Well when it was there turn, they both pulled out ribbon that was big enough for three of me. I so pissed I wanted to take that ribbon and wrap it tightly around their necks, but, luckily for them other people were at the baby shower and the last thing I needed was witnesses. Two year later it was my sisters turn luckily for me, she got really huge, hey pay back is a B*t*h.

LaTosha February 11, 2009, 4:21 PM

I’m a little on the heavy side and i wear big baggie clothes to hide my belly if i want, so i haven’t had many problems with strangers, the problem i have is with my family. every time i go to my in-laws house, my mother in law always says, “so Tosha how much weight have you gained and i want to feel the baby move” its like this, i know i’m gaining weight, i’m 31 weeks pregnant and have gained 20 lbs, and i don’t want her touching me! and my grandmother started telling my younger sister who is 9 that i shouldn’t be walking the way i do, i’m not suppose to waddle until i’m walking into the hosptial! and for the lady who said don’t take it personal, you may have tough skin and no heart, but when someone takes shots like that, you know deep down it hurts, especially with the hormones, and if it seriously doesn’t, maybe you were taking too many anti-depressants!!!


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