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Marriage: Are You Over It?

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momlogic's Jenny: This past week, it seemed like everyone I spoke to was dealing with some sort of frustration in their relationship. Nearly every friend at one point said, "I'm OVER it!" We've all been there -- at what feels like our wit's end. We get in to a constant state of being annoyed or sick of our partner and everything they do (or don't do, for that matter), and it feels impossible to break out of that rut.

Wife annoyed with husband

As a new mom who wants nothing more than to raise a child in a happy home and live the happily-ever-after romance that I have always dreamed of, I am so curious as to what does make a marriage work. I asked ML Community members to share their words of wisdom on dealing with the day to day challenges of marriage:

Jackie Mac said: I think we've all had days/weeks (months?) we're "over it." Think of your best girlfriend -- how much you love her and she makes you laugh and accepts you for who you are. Now picture living with her and raising a child. Yeah, you'd be "over it" with her in a few days too. Ha.

Sugar Mama said: My mother told me once that you choose to marry someone and then you choose to stay married to that person. Every day. Some days are harder than others of course, she warned, so you try and remember why you chose him in the first place. Usually it works. If not, there's always alcohol. :)

Shelley Baldwin said: RESPECT... Praise is another way to keep it fresh, don't wait for him to start -- as women its not always easy to initiate but sometime they like it. My hubby and I just went through one of those hum drum times.

Hailey's Mommy said: Sometimes when my husband and I have a bad argument and we've endured silence long enough, I'll casually sit next to him and hold his hand. And then I can't remember why we were arguing in the first place.

Elaine Bahen said: Oh Come ON! Most marriages are over before women know. I've always known (or felt) that something was brewing. Too much attention, criticism, wherever I went he showed. Quite the pain. Lets not forget the temptation these men have - AND they aren't usually women. Count your pleasings, love your life, family and job. Don't forget to hire a good attorney!

Michelle said: My husband and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary ... and we got married after eight years of dating and one child. ;-) I also work for my husband. Yes, there are times when I am soooooo over it all.

Karissa said: Well, I've been "over it" more times than I can count -- I even filed for divorce and moved myself and my two biological children to an apartment three years ago (that lasted all of two weeks, if that).

Bec Thomas said: A lot of people suffer from kick the dog syndrome. When the economy really is bad, a lot of marriages get really stressed due to finances and the spouses tend to take it out on each other in a lot of cases. Patience of a saint and being able to ignore idiocy can be a big help in weathering the tough times. I learned that from my grandfather who has been married to my grandmother for 60+ years. I once asked how he could put up with her nattering and temper, and he just look at me and said "it's like water off a duck's back." He learned long before I was born to tune it out and it works!

So tell me, what do you when you are "OVER IT?"

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5 comments so far | Post a comment now
ame i. February 25, 2009, 10:10 PM

I married at 20 to my first serious boyfriend, first and only sexual partner until his death shortly before our 15th anniversary. We loved each other and had 2 beautiful daughters together.
I had a great childhood, raised by both parents. He lost his mom as a child & ended up with his father & step-mother who didn’t hide her resentment when the responsibility of raising him & his 2 brothers were added to raising her own 2 children.
Looking back, we were not a good match and probably would not still be married today if he were alive. I can’t regret the marriage because my daughters would not be who they are if we had not married.
I’m now happily married to a man who was a bachelor when we met. My daughters are his first children and he treats them better than their father did. He is the man I would have loved to have met first, but this raises the issue of my kids being who they are because I didn’t meet him first.
We don’t fight, we only have petty arguments (usually brought on by me during bouts of PMS, lol) and I thank God every day that I had the courage to speak to him for the first time.
Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. The saying “Walls have ears” is true, children do see and hear everything that goes on around them even when we don’t think they do.

Anonymous February 26, 2009, 6:06 PM

I am never over my marriage. I work to stay in love with my husband and he does the same. We treat each other with respect and work to understand the other when we don’t meet eye to eye. We never fight, it’s totally useless, and we both know that we will never be over each other.

Rachel February 28, 2009, 5:17 PM

There are times I’ve felt “over it”. It is at those moments when I realize that I do not want to lose my husband. I try to think of all the great times we’ve had (we met when I was 15, & him 16). Then I make sure to talk to him about what is bothering me, and what I need from him. It’s very important to keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes, I feel like just withdrawing because I feel like he should “know” what to do. But without communicating, the other person never truly knows. So even when it’s hard, I communicate my feelings and we work hard every day to keep our marriage alive.

Roxanne March 23, 2009, 4:18 AM

I am over marriage for the rest of my life. My marriage got worse everyday, no matter how much effort I put into it. If I would have put as much effort in a real job, I would have been a millionaire. Well, Jenna Jameson, Christy Canyon, Nina Hartley, Ginger Lynn, Traci Lords, etc. you can have him, I give up.

Roxanne March 23, 2009, 4:26 AM

I’m over marriage for the rest of my life. My marriage got worse everyday, no matter how much effort I put into it. If I would have put as much effort into a real job, I would have been millionaire. Strippers, XXX porn stars, prostitutes, internet porn stars, hookers, etc. you can have my husband. I give up.

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