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My Miscarriage is None of Your F'ing Business!

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Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. Yesterday, we posted an item from a guest blogger that incited a strong response. Today, one of our staffers wanted to respond. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

You clearly have no clue what it's like to experience the loss of a baby, and therefore you have no right to judge others who know what it's like.

Woman greiving. Woman holding a sign.

Momlogic's Talitha: When I read Gina's ridiculous rant about pro-choice women have no right to cry about their miscarriage, it upset me and pissed me off: Who is this hateful woman spewing absolute crap about something she clearly knows nothing about? A person, probably also a mother, who compared miscarriage to vegetarianism! It's laughably stupid, so part of me didn't even want to address someone who is clearly uneducated, uncompassionate and just plain rude. But a larger part wanted to stand up for all women out there who have experienced this tragedy, including myself.

Gina, I feel terribly bad for your children, especially if you have a girl. Should your daughter get pregnant young because of a poor mistake -- or because she was forced to have sex against her will -- and then decides to have an abortion, you sound like the kind of mother that will disown her.

Your daughter will suffer the loss of the abortion (YES, that is a loss, too) alone.

She may go on to get married and want a baby. If she miscarries, you will be the mother to tell her to shut up. You will be the mother that will remind her she had an abortion, and that she "doesn't have a right to be upset." You will be the mother telling her (and I quote) "it is ridiculous to break down in hysterics."

Your daughter will suffer the loss of her miscarriage alone.

What a mom!

I suffered the loss of my baby at four and a half months. She was a baby to me, not a "bunch of cells." Together with that loss came the hope, dreams and the new world this baby would bring. The loss was truly an unexpected death, something I had no control over. And yes, I cried. I was hysterical. My heart was shattered. I have the right to be upset, thank you very much. And I would have EVERY right to be just as upset had I gotten an abortion ten years earlier. The issues have nothing to do with each other: miscarriage is an unexplained loss, abortion is a choice -- yet still a loss. But you'll probably never get that. Some women can admit they aren't ready to be a mother, and some? Well, some become moms even though they probably shouldn't be. And that's where you're at. Congratulations.



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98 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous February 18, 2009, 12:00 PM

What about all the people that can’t have children and are waiting to adopt and give them wonderful lives? It would be an act of selflessness that conflicts with this “me first” world to not have the abortion, wouldn’t it?

Amber February 19, 2009, 3:29 PM

Where are the pro-lifers who would force unwanted children on women after the children are born? Is it better to grow up knowing you were unwanted? Grow up mentally abused or neglected. You have to know it is not an option for every one with an unwanted pregnancy to give up her child. There is still stigmata in this country for a woman who gives up her baby. When you are ready to house, love and feed every unwanted fetus that is brought to term, then open your mouth and protest. Otherwise, I urge you to look up the definition of hypocrisy. Women and men should be careful when they have sex. Teenagers shouldn’t be having sex at all. Parents of teenagers should talk to their children about sex. Ideally. This is not an ideal world. And a woman who has an abortion for whatever reason should not be told it is karma or god or it serves her right that she can’t get pregnant later.

Anonymous March 3, 2009, 10:03 PM

There are a lot of “unwanted” people in this world, sounds like you are advocating killing them too? Get a clue! Every human being born and unborn have the right to their life. NO ONE has the “right” or “choice” to take that life prematurely. I don’t care what excuse you want to give, abortion is legalized murder. Period. The “unwanted” unborn child murdered is the same as a “wanted” unborn child. Who are YOU to decide who lives and who dies. The hypocracy of the proabort industry is amazing….

R March 13, 2009, 12:37 PM

I can’t understand how I can’t have a child and people are killing theirs?

Why not give someone that wants a baby (not a fetus) the opprotunity to adopt it? Why not give your baby a chance at life?

It would be the most unselfish thing you could give to your child and to those people wanting to love it.

Bless everyone - no choice is easy, but what about your baby’s choice?



M April 7, 2009, 8:13 AM

Hey R… if your god wanted you to reproduce, he would have made you fertile. Not my problem and not my job to gestate for selfish people like yourself that only look at other women as baby making machines for them.

Lu June 13, 2009, 9:36 PM

Your completely right i was raped by my cousin at 14 and got pregnant i didnt want an abortion my parents FORCED me i was so young i did anything they asked me i was there puppet they didnt support me they didnt even care that i was raped they did nothing to help me… now i a 17 i am engaged and im happy to say i got away from all of them…I recently had a misscarriage which really destroyed the two of us i want a baby more than anything and i would give it every last breath i have..Hopefully im pregnant now and i would be so complete i dont need my family all i need to concentrate on is a baby (if one there) and my husband…Woemn never forget abortions or misscarriages and it affects them in diffrent ways and we do have the right to cry who ever doesnt cry or have any emotions is not human i still regret what i did i wish i had the courage to say no….i guess everything happens for a reason….. may god bless all the women out there that has sufferd in this way and may he give you the strength to be the strong woman you can be.

Woukexfr June 24, 2009, 11:00 AM

QghdNR comment1 ,

Anonymous July 6, 2009, 9:10 PM

How can you mourn the loss of your child to a miscarriage an not the life of an aborted child. Well simply because pain is only pain when you feel it right? Well now you know the pain that the Aborted baby feels ..oh wait I forgot you weren’t dismembered. Hopefully your miscarriage will change your pro-choice attitude

cp September 14, 2009, 9:30 PM

Though I am prolife and believe abortion is murder her post is extremely hateful. Having experienced pregnancy loss after infertility treatment I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. No one should insult a women experiencing a miscarriage.

clara October 11, 2009, 11:27 PM

1 question:

if you had chosen to abort, would you still think of it as a baby?

rachel January 19, 2010, 3:25 AM

miscarriage and abortion is not the same thing.
i didn’t read the first article. it is terrible to say people have no right to feel pain after they have chosen abortion.

But I choose to be pro-life because it is the sad truth many many young women that get abortions and suffer emotional reproductions nobody tells them about.

heather January 19, 2010, 7:31 AM

awesome!
i am pro-life, but i don’t look down on people who think that was the right decision for them.
however, my husband and i have just recently experienced a loss. and this completely discribes what i would have loved to say to this woman. thank you for being a strong, loving and smart woman!

Niya October 20, 2010, 9:35 AM

love love love it

Anonymous November 11, 2010, 3:39 PM

I just found out that I’m having a miscarriage. I am devastated. Both my husband and i wanted this baby. For anyone to say that I do not have the right to mourn my loss obviously has never been though this situation. I am so deeply saddened a depressed. The pain is just unbearable.

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