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My Miscarriage is None of Your F'ing Business!

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Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. Yesterday, we posted an item from a guest blogger that incited a strong response. Today, one of our staffers wanted to respond. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

You clearly have no clue what it's like to experience the loss of a baby, and therefore you have no right to judge others who know what it's like.

Woman greiving. Woman holding a sign.

Momlogic's Talitha: When I read Gina's ridiculous rant about pro-choice women have no right to cry about their miscarriage, it upset me and pissed me off: Who is this hateful woman spewing absolute crap about something she clearly knows nothing about? A person, probably also a mother, who compared miscarriage to vegetarianism! It's laughably stupid, so part of me didn't even want to address someone who is clearly uneducated, uncompassionate and just plain rude. But a larger part wanted to stand up for all women out there who have experienced this tragedy, including myself.

Gina, I feel terribly bad for your children, especially if you have a girl. Should your daughter get pregnant young because of a poor mistake -- or because she was forced to have sex against her will -- and then decides to have an abortion, you sound like the kind of mother that will disown her.

Your daughter will suffer the loss of the abortion (YES, that is a loss, too) alone.

She may go on to get married and want a baby. If she miscarries, you will be the mother to tell her to shut up. You will be the mother that will remind her she had an abortion, and that she "doesn't have a right to be upset." You will be the mother telling her (and I quote) "it is ridiculous to break down in hysterics."

Your daughter will suffer the loss of her miscarriage alone.

What a mom!

I suffered the loss of my baby at four and a half months. She was a baby to me, not a "bunch of cells." Together with that loss came the hope, dreams and the new world this baby would bring. The loss was truly an unexpected death, something I had no control over. And yes, I cried. I was hysterical. My heart was shattered. I have the right to be upset, thank you very much. And I would have EVERY right to be just as upset had I gotten an abortion ten years earlier. The issues have nothing to do with each other: miscarriage is an unexplained loss, abortion is a choice -- yet still a loss. But you'll probably never get that. Some women can admit they aren't ready to be a mother, and some? Well, some become moms even though they probably shouldn't be. And that's where you're at. Congratulations.



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Sharon March 4, 2011, 2:56 PM

I believe abortion should always be an option especially for women who were raped and became pregnant. The reasons are for the baby as much as for the mother. Can you even begin to imagine what it would be like to be brutally raped and traumatized then to find out you are carrying a child of that man. Then to go through pregnancy which is a rollercoaster ride of emotions and hormones to begin with half hating the proof and everyday reminder of your hurt growing inside you. Then to go through the birth and have to raise this child who would look at you everyday with a face which is half his. Having to watch as the child grows and notice the similarities between father and child.

Then from the childs point of view. Imagine growing up knowing that you only exist because your father raped your mother. Knowing that your conception; which should have been a beautiful, happy memory; is instead the most horrifying nightmare to the woman who bore you. Always wondering/questioning if your mother hates/resents you. Childhood is hard enough without carrying that guilt along for the ride.

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