Please Put the Octuplets Up for Adoption
Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.
Guest Blogger Leah Klungness: One single mother's open letter to octuplets mom Nadya Suleman, who's now the single mom of 14 ...
Dear Nadya,
We're following your story, sadly and reluctantly. It's painful to hear a fellow single mom described as looney, irresponsible, and mentally unstable.
Revelations about you are fueling a media frenzy: your statements that you receive no public assistance are lies. You have been receiving food stamps. Three of your "first kids" also get federal supplemental security income because they have special needs. Medical costs for the care of your newborn babies are estimated in the millions of dollars. Your fertility doctor is under ethical scrutiny.
You're unemployed with no real prospects. Your plans to complete your education are completely unrealistic.
Your parents look exhausted, frail, and emotionally drained from the burden of caring for your six kids. Your parents are also openly critical of your decision to seek further infertility treatment. It is unrealistic to think they will help you with eight tiny newborns or even continue to care for your other kids.
Pictures of your home showed chaos, disorder, and filth.
Apparently, one man fathered -- provided sperm -- for the IVF. Who knows what responsibility, if any, he will assume for the care of these kids?
The media is notoriously fickle. This week, you are the "Today" show's "big interview" -- and you've been featured in newspapers and across the web internationally. Tomorrow may be quite another story.
Your publicist is already fighting rumors that you have had plastic surgery to resemble Angelina Jolie. Who knows? But this kind of buzz won't promote your image as "just a mom who loves kids."
Your mega-pregnancy is beginning to sound like a publicity scheme. Except that you now have eight fragile lives in the balance and six more helpless kids at home.
Was all this just about getting your own reality show?
As single moms, we pride ourselves on encouraging other single moms. But we think this is really pathetic.
We have never suggested that a single mom give up her kids for adoption. But we've never "met" a woman like you before.
This is why we're pleading with you: Act unselfishly for your kids. Forget the Angelina Jolie wannabe fantasy.
Use this media blitz to place your newborns with families who can care for each one with the love, tenderness, and attention each baby desperately needs and deserves. We suggest open adoption, of course. And with families who will live close by each other and are committed to nurturing brother/sister bonds.
Of course, you will always be their mother and hold that special place.
Put the needs of your kids first -- this is what your kids deserve.
And, isn't that what loving mothers are supposed to do?
Leah Klungness, Ph.D., is a psychologist and single mom who raised her two young children while earning her doctorate and license. She's also the co-founder of Singlemommyhood.com and the co-author of The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns.
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