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Please Put the Octuplets Up for Adoption

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Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest Blogger Leah Klungness: One single mother's open letter to octuplets mom Nadya Suleman, who's now the single mom of 14 ...

Woman looking angry

Dear Nadya,

We're following your story, sadly and reluctantly. It's painful to hear a fellow single mom described as looney, irresponsible, and mentally unstable.

Revelations about you are fueling a media frenzy: your statements that you receive no public assistance are lies. You have been receiving food stamps. Three of your "first kids" also get federal supplemental security income because they have special needs. Medical costs for the care of your newborn babies are estimated in the millions of dollars. Your fertility doctor is under ethical scrutiny.

You're unemployed with no real prospects. Your plans to complete your education are completely unrealistic.

Your parents look exhausted, frail, and emotionally drained from the burden of caring for your six kids. Your parents are also openly critical of your decision to seek further infertility treatment. It is unrealistic to think they will help you with eight tiny newborns or even continue to care for your other kids.

Pictures of your home showed chaos, disorder, and filth.

Apparently, one man fathered -- provided sperm -- for the IVF. Who knows what responsibility, if any, he will assume for the care of these kids?

The media is notoriously fickle. This week, you are the "Today" show's "big interview" -- and you've been featured in newspapers and across the web internationally. Tomorrow may be quite another story.

Your publicist is already fighting rumors that you have had plastic surgery to resemble Angelina Jolie. Who knows? But this kind of buzz won't promote your image as "just a mom who loves kids."

Your mega-pregnancy is beginning to sound like a publicity scheme. Except that you now have eight fragile lives in the balance and six more helpless kids at home.

Was all this just about getting your own reality show?

As single moms, we pride ourselves on encouraging other single moms. But we think this is really pathetic.

We have never suggested that a single mom give up her kids for adoption. But we've never "met" a woman like you before.

This is why we're pleading with you: Act unselfishly for your kids. Forget the Angelina Jolie wannabe fantasy.

Use this media blitz to place your newborns with families who can care for each one with the love, tenderness, and attention each baby desperately needs and deserves. We suggest open adoption, of course. And with families who will live close by each other and are committed to nurturing brother/sister bonds.

Of course, you will always be their mother and hold that special place.

Put the needs of your kids first -- this is what your kids deserve.

And, isn't that what loving mothers are supposed to do?

Leah Klungness, Ph.D., is a psychologist and single mom who raised her two young children while earning her doctorate and license. She's also the co-founder of Singlemommyhood.com and the co-author of The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns.


next: Hey, Disney! That's NOT a Small World After All
54 comments so far | Post a comment now
Brenda February 11, 2009, 5:37 PM

I completely agree and was thinking the same thing!!!!

Carolyn Dileo February 11, 2009, 5:58 PM

I believe she was hoping for companies to give her products. I am so sorry for those children. You are exactly right!

mike l February 11, 2009, 5:59 PM

I agree, it seems as though having babies is either a publicity stunt(as you stated) or an addiction for this woman. In a way this is the other extreme of abortion, and one might argue the ethics of either.

gaby February 11, 2009, 6:45 PM

There is so many children that need to be adopted, why suggest for her to put her children in the system. She needs the help to raise them, if the governemt gives money to adults that dont want to work, why not to a mother that needs the help. No one, but her and her family are going to deal with them. Why doesnt anyone critize the korean american man and his wife who has the reality show, he has the income to raise, but yet allows all the different sources to help the out, why not her. Do you really think she expected to have 8?

mike l February 11, 2009, 6:54 PM

She had the fertility procedure done, wouldn’t that give her an idea of the amount of children she would have? Not to mention she already had 6 kids…

Bec Thomas February 11, 2009, 6:58 PM

She is mentally ill, and because part of her illness is a fixation on babies she’s not going to give them up, even though she can not care for them. The whole situation is dsigusting.

Canadian Bald Guy February 11, 2009, 7:16 PM

I can’t believe I’m going to say this…but yes, I believe that adoption is in the best interests of these children.

This whole thing is insane to me. Her poor parents.

Wow.

Heather February 11, 2009, 8:19 PM

I agree with adoption being the best choice for these children. As well as therapy for Nadya. I’d like to know how she is able to afford a publicist. I think it’s just sick. I think she is a slap in the face to any married couple trying to conceive. I just can’t understand why someone would purposely get pregnant without a partner.

Gidget February 11, 2009, 8:45 PM

Thank you, I agree whole heartedly with the idea of adoption for these poor innocent souls. I too am a single mother and always wanted more children, but after sixteen years I have given up that idea after watching this circus act of Ms. Suleman. This is when the govermnment should step in and require this woman to have a mental evaluation. This is outrageous and reprehensible, she needs to be locked up for child abuse!
In addition she is receiving government assitance for her children that she chose to continue to have and I have had to raise my child alone with no help from the governement, because at one time I made $18 too much…per month!!!!! I am all for a womans right to have children but enough is enough and the six she had before should have been enough!!!!

Jen February 11, 2009, 8:45 PM

I agree! After seeing the website asking for donations for her children, I am especially sickened by this woman. If she can afford the years of fertility treatments and implantations (YEAH RIGHT SHE DID!) then she can take care of those kids without the rest of us who are doing the best we can to take care of ours. Those children DESERVE a better life than that trash will ever be able to give.

Kayla February 11, 2009, 8:53 PM

To Gaby that mentioned John and Kate. They had twins at first. Not 6 children already. Do you think in that large of a family everyones needs are met? I think not.



Amy  February 11, 2009, 9:22 PM

I watched the Dateline interview last night and was equally shocked by this woman’s clear mental instability and huge sense of denial. “God” will provide? God didn’t get her pregnant with 14 children, an unethical doctor did. The doctor should lose his license. There are going to be health issues with at least several of these babies. There are already 3 in the home with special needs. At some point the state must intervene for the safety and well being of all of these children. The state will be paying for them whether the mother acknowledges this fact or not. Hopefully this deplorable situation will be a cause for change for the money crazed fertilization clinics and the baby crazy parents.

Andrea, Oceanside, CA February 11, 2009, 9:35 PM

The bottom line is that these children’s future is at stake. No woman in their right mind should have 14 kids, three of which have a disability, they live with your parents and you are on welfare. Just how in the world do you expect to provide a healthy structure for your children when you don’t have the money to support yourself and the six other kids you have. What really pisses me off is the fact that she had to pay this Dr. from LA for artificial insemination so where did that money come from? FROM ME!! The TAX PAYER who allows her the state benefits allowed to her. So do you really think she is going to be able to afford a nanny or daycare for 14 children so she can get a job and move out of her parents and support these 14 children? NO NO NO, no way Jose. She will work the system and stay on state benefits and these children will grow up in poverty and never have any idea of what a fully functional family is like. I know it’s hard out there, it’s a rough world; I know the stuff parents go through these days….I have children…life is not easy nor is it always nice. With that said I feel for these babies as they are a creation from god and so helpless. If this woman only knew what it was like to really live/ be in America….if this was China…you are allowed two and sometimes only one child. Think about those poor humans, and what about the females that can’t even have children. She is a selfish selfish SELFISH individual. I am so mad that these poor children will grown up in a home like this and live on welfare for most of their juvenile upbringing, not to mention let me reiterate that you and I will pay for it!! I hope and pray that this woman will get the help she needs to get off her dead A** and support and raise these children to the best of her ability. We all have a responsibility and MY PERSONAL responsibility is I and my family not a woman with 14 children on welfare. If I was the district attorney that I wish I was…..I would file charges against her for some sort of neglect or child endangerment as well as have that Dr’s license taken away, which by the way has been sued numerous I mean numerous times before.
Any Takers?

RealityCheck February 11, 2009, 9:48 PM

Well said! You are right on the money. This Woman should not raise these children!

Responsible Mom February 11, 2009, 10:09 PM

Well said!!!!!

Lisa Stern February 11, 2009, 10:11 PM

So now, this lady who just gave birth to
eight kids, it’s too much responsiblity.
I hope you’re kidding about keeping all
of these kids. No, you can’t do that!
I love kids also. Well, you have to
remember I was a schoolteacher for 9
years. I would rather to teach the kids
in classes than supporting them.

WWJD February 11, 2009, 11:04 PM

As a firm beliver in the right to life this woman is a hero, she choose life over disposal for her embryos.

Anonymous February 11, 2009, 11:07 PM

All I have to say is GOOD LUCK! Get the help you need and raise your kids. Everything happens for a reason, we just have to wait to see what that reason is.

-Kelly

Anonymous February 11, 2009, 11:20 PM

My grandmother had 12 kids and raised them all. Should she had given some up just because it wasn’t your typical size family? Things happen people shouldn’t make matters worse, they should try to help.

-Tanya :)

Steven February 11, 2009, 11:34 PM

This woman is clearly delusional! How unfortunate for the innocent babies! This is another example of science being ahead of ethics. That doctor is also WACKO!!!!


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