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Love in the Time of Colic

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Who says sex has to cease once you have a kid?

Smiling intimate couple

With the arrival of a new baby comes many other new things: Sleepless nights, drained energy, and suddenly no time for the things you used to enjoy (um, remember sex?!). It may feel like nooky is off the table once you become a parent, but not so fast. "It's totally normal to fall into a sex rut once you have a child," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of "Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents' Guide to Getting It On Again." "It's natural to want to put the focus completely on your new baby, but being parents doesn't mean your sex life has to come to a halt."

"You may not feel the mental or physical desire to re-boot your sex life once you become a mom but maintaining intimacy strengthens your bond and will ultimately make you both better parents," he says.

So how the heck do you do that?

Rediscover Quickies: When you were trying to get preggers, sex may have seemed pretty goal-oriented. And although you may not feel spontaneous in the spare pockets of free time you've got now, consider these moments prime for passion. "Often times, new parents will let the baby sleep in their bedroom so they can attend to him or her faster," says Kerner. "So if the baby is napping in your bedroom, suddenly every other room in the house is a new backdrop for sex." Who knew the kitchen table, your mudroom, and the bathroom floor could seem so sexy?

Keep the Baby Monitor On: OK, it sounds a bit offbeat but think about it: Can you really relax and get in the mood if you know you wont be able to hear your baby cry? "The truth is, most guys would rather turn the monitor off for just 30 minutes, but it's best to keep it on low," says Kerner. "And while studies show that women become aroused quicker when they have no outside distractions, when you're completely shut off from the sounds of your baby, your anxiety will hinder your ability to stay in the moment."

Hit The Sheets Already: "Sure, it's easier said than done, but sometime just bedding down -- even when it's the last thing you feel like doing -- can lay the foundation for very satisfying sex," says Kerner. See, researchers say physical arousal and desire are two separate beasts and while arousal begins in your body, desire begins in your mind -- and you don't always need that mental boost to get going. So grab some lube if you need to and bed down. Your mind will catch up to your body, promise!

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2 comments so far | Post a comment now
Carmen February 7, 2009, 3:15 PM

I totally agree! I found that my sex life has become significantly better because we have more unexpected pleasures. For instance, I cooked him a sexy dinner with his favorite wine, and this album worked wonders for me! Its Sally Kellerman’s new album, find out more here

all the best!

Jlvptgvd June 23, 2009, 5:18 PM

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