Is "taking it for the team" good for your marriage? One mom isn't so sure ...
Guest Blogger Samantha: Look, I'm a new mom. I'm a working mom. I'm a TIRED mom. I love my husband and I think we have a great marriage, but the majority of the time, mustering up the energy and effort to "do it" just isn't a priority. I know it sounds pathetic -- having to make "an effort" to have sex is not how I want it to be. Trust me, I want to do it -- I do! I miss the old, fun, sexy Samantha... Once upon a time, I wanted to do it all the time! In fact, I'm pretty sure that's how we ended up with a toddler. The point is: everything has shifted and unfortunately the desire for sex (just out of nowhere) is almost nonexistent.
Unfortunately (or not unfortunately -- depending on how you look at it), I may be alone on the "nonexistent" desire part. My husband's desire to do it has NOT diminished -- apparently the lack of sleep, crazy office drama, and fantastic episodes of "Grey's Anatomy" has not stopped him from wanting to do it. I'm not complaining about the fact that my husband is still "into me." In fact, thank g-d! However, for fear of him not wanting to feel rejected, I find myself faking interest and oftentimes wind up TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM. But now, I'm pretty sure he's onto me and I'm pretty sure he knows damn well that I'd rather watch them rolling out the red carpet while citing useless Oscar facts than have sex. (Come on, can you blame me? Oscar Sunday is my most favorite day of the year!)
Some members of the ML Community think that it may be me who has the problem. Samantha wonders if there's a "hormonal issue" I might be dealing with. (Ha. Sure, blame it on the 'mones.) She says, "Sometimes after we have kids, you end up being so stressed, not looking out for you and things can easily get jumbled." But she adds, "If it's not the problem and it's just life, then do it for your relationship."
Jackie Mac agrees and thinks it's absolutely better to "TOFTT." "I'm not one to promote lying but I know after having three kids (all under five), I had to fake it for quite a while before we got back to us. But it was worth it and, while it's not often, I actually want it too and initiate it. And he's a happy guy when that happens."
The bottom line, it sounds like it IS better for me to "take one for the team" than not to take it at all. What do YOU think?