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Moms Everywhere Are Pissed Off

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More than 1,000 women are steaming mad at their hubbies. Read on to find out why.

woman yelling pulling at her hair

Sure your husband ticks you off sometimes but the reassuring news is, you're not alone: According to the results of a new poll from Parenting.com, today's American home life looks less "Leave it to Beaver" and more "Married with Children."

What's the problem? Women everywhere are pissed off at the unequal parental roles they've been ascribed to, the lack of time they have for themselves, and their husband's "cluelessness" when it comes to child-rearing.

Here are some gripes from these frustrated wives:

· 46% "get irate with their husbands once a week or more." (Those with kids younger than 1 years old are likely to be mad 54% of the time. About half describe their anger as intense but passing while 1 in 10 say it's "deep and long-lasting.")

· 44% are "peeved" that their partners "often don't notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids," -- a percentage that rises to 54% among mothers with three or more children.

· 40% say they "are also angry that their husbands seem clueless about the best way to take care of kids."

· 4% "are mad that Dad can't multitask." Among those with three or more children, the anger rises to 46%.

· 31% say they get little or no "help" from their husbands with chores. In fact, many moms feel their husbands create work for them.

· 3% say their husbands "aren't shouldering equal responsibility and are less concerned than they are about their children's basic needs, like nutrition and clothing." For mothers of three or more children that number rises to 41%.

· Nearly one-third "complain that parenthood has changed their lives more than their husbands."

· One-quarter feel they spend "more mental energy on parenting than dads do."

· 50% feel "their husbands get more time for themselves. The lack of time off is a huge issue for the moms carrying the most anger. More than 60% of the moms who get mad weekly -- and almost three-quarters of those who are angry every day -- feel this way."

Tell us---how well can you relate to these survey results?


next: Female Teacher Turns Child Molester
26 comments so far | Post a comment now
Natalie February 3, 2009, 7:43 AM

Granted, my husband needs to be told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. But it doesn’t bother me. I’m in charge of the house and the kids, and he’s in charge of making money. He’s not home during the day, so he doesn’t know what goes on and what needs to be done. Doesn’t bother me because I don’t know how to do his job. Evens out for us.

kanara February 3, 2009, 9:52 AM

wow. the second paragraph make me feel so sure that i am not going crazy.

why dont men understand parenting is a 24 hour job. u just got home, consider you being out a break. even when it is work, hey i work too.

it is very frustrating to have to explain every time you need diapers or food. cmon! if you helped you would understand.

he breaks things and dosent fix them. i am the chef, mechanic, maid, nanny, and i make money.

i dont feel there should be assigned duties to a perent, but do what needs to be done and help when it is needed.

guess most men are blind to see when that is OR they just pretend they dont see it.

~Me~ February 3, 2009, 10:08 AM

you know im a stay at home wife/mother of 2. both under the age of 7, my husband may not understand everything that needs to be done over and over everyday, but i do not get to mad about this because he is off making money for this family, yes there are days when i am down right angry with him in the feeling that i never get a break or a get away as i only get outta the house once every 2 weeks and thats is normally with the kids as well. but this is what i chose to do. (well not the never getting out part). but all in all i have to say that my husband understands and when he does try to help out he does pretty darn good.

Anonymous February 3, 2009, 10:11 AM

My husband just got laid off, so now I have the burden of working PLUS taking care of the house and kids. Granted, my husband does help with specific things, like taking out the garbage, starting his own laundry…but for the most part, I do the majority of household chores. When his step kids come over, then the work increases 10 fold. He has no clue how to help, and often time creates more work for me. I’ve tried to coach him gently and it is SLOOOOW work in progress. There are times when I just lose it and get mad. It’s so hard to do everything when you are tired and sleep deprived with an infant.

Johnny Cordova February 3, 2009, 10:23 AM

Here’s a great solution: Don’t have children. You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, quit bitching about it.

ame i. February 3, 2009, 10:23 AM

I rarely get angry with my husband.
He works 90 miles away from home, so I am responsible for most of the household work, errands, etc. He takes care of the tasks I’m not strong enough to do or don’t know how to do.
If someone gets angry with her/his spouse once a week or more, that couple needs to meet with therapist or a clergy-person. I can’t imagine living in such a situation.

kpmomma February 3, 2009, 10:25 AM

I think women in general are too controlling and that’s the reason many men step back from child/household duties. If you want your husband to help around the house then back off and let him do it his own way. If you just HAVE to have it done your way then be quiet and don’t complain. I was guilty of that for a long time and then I realized that the less I nag and look over his shoulder, the more my husband does around the house. Also, as Dr. Laura says, it helps to make him feel appreciated and loved. Men WANT to serve the women who take care of them.

rugbymom February 3, 2009, 10:32 AM

Johnny, although your solution is very intuitive and thoughtful, there is one point that we are forgetting here, having children takes two parents and so does raising them. If I were a SAHM, I would not mind taking care of the kids needs and the home, but Since I am a working Mom, and spend more hours at work, it needs to be an equal share at home. I am not angry with my husband most of the time for these reasons, but when I am working as much if not more than he is and have to cook, clean and take care of the kids by myself at home, that is worth being pissed about. It takes two. period.

anon February 3, 2009, 10:33 AM

It’s called communication… Nearly each of those 10 things revolves around ‘he does not know’ ~ well is Wifey TELLING Hubby?

Childrearing IS natural for Moms going back in time… Men have been hunters, women have raised the kids. It’s not chauvenistic, it’s reality, look at the animal kingdom and remember, we ARE animals. Pretty much the only involved Dads are Penguins and Sea Horses!

If we want someting different, then we need to DISCUSS this with our mates as men are not psychic. COMMUNICATE your needs to your Husband, don’t expect him to KNOW…

Anyone having these issues read ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ and be prepared to have your eyes opened….

Christopher Lawrence February 3, 2009, 10:38 AM

“Women everywhere are pissed off at the unequal parental roles they’ve been ascribed to, the lack of time they have for themselves, and their husband’s “cluelessness” when it comes to child-rearing.”

Women have a right to be pissed off, and so do their husbands…When they don’t feel heard and there is not an agreed upon plan to manage stressful circumstances. Usually, people cope well as long as there is the belief, supported by action that one’s “partner” is attempting to make good on the plan.

The Lord gave us two sides of our brains, with a number of regions, and each is developed to one degree or another by conditioning, and environmental necessity. Thank the Lord, we are each “teachable” when provided proper reinforcement. Negative reinforcement likely results protective behavior, which reduces the chances of hearing and being heard. Both genders can benefit from ongoing discussion, compassion, forgiveness and a willingness to meet the other’s needs.

From my faith orientation (I’m Catholic), if I am serving the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul, my behaviors will likely result in those satisfactory to my wife.

Peace,

CL

b February 3, 2009, 10:38 AM

(Preface: I know and am fully aware that this doesn’t apply to all women-that some husbands really are deadbeats.) These women are crazy! Look how much time and energy they waste being mad at something that they actually have a lot of control over. (I know, because I’ve been there and have since learned a better way.) There’s a reason we call it the Honey-Do list. I can’t function and get everything done in my own house without a list, and there’s no way my husband could do it either. And, if I had to bet money, I’d say a good deal of these women rarely express heartfelt gratitude for the things that their husbands actually do. Like it or not, everyone needs to be (and likes to be) treated like a child by having a specific and detailed responsibility given, the chance to do it their own way without criticism, and plenty of praise at the end of the job. Try treating your husband more like he’s one of the children (and that doesn’t mean berating him and telling him he’s such a child) and give him one task at a time and praise lavishly at the end. Heck, you might even consider rewarding him with sex so that he sees and makes the connection that when your burdens are made light and he helps out around the house, you want to be with him. But with all things, you again will have to be very direct and say, “honey,thank you for doing the dishes. now that the dishes are done, and i’ve got a little more time to relax, how about we go to bed early.” Try it for a month and see if things don’t get better. And seriously, be genuinely grateful for what you do have. When your husband feels like you’re grateful for him as a person, he will be a lot more willing to help. (Again, true for just about all people.)

te February 3, 2009, 11:03 AM

KPmomma is taking advice from Dr. Laura… She is a DR in Physiology and not a psychologist or psychiatrist. Two affairs…

There are better advisers to chose from out there.

Trina February 3, 2009, 11:35 AM

b says:

>And, if I had to bet money, I’d say a good deal of these women rarely express heartfelt gratitude for the things that their husbands actually do.

Yes, could be true, but fair’s fair. How many of these women’s husbands “express heartfelt gratitude” for the things that their WIVES do? Mine sure doesn’t; neither do my children or my MIL (whom we live with). Sure, hubby and MIL are the ones out earning the money, but that doesn’t mean I don’t work hard too — and without getting a paycheck. Why should a husband expect to be praised and rewarded for doing the occasional chore, when the wife who does everything else around the house is expected to keep doing it all without complaint or compensation? Why should a woamn have to be her husband’s “mommy” as well as her kids’?

Steph February 3, 2009, 12:54 PM

These statistics seem to hold truth in the women i am around. When we get together, we basically vent on the issues stated. I admit my husband is very helpful at times…but there are other times that I feel the anger they are writing about. The main gripe is we all feel that “we do everything!” And we have to nag or tell our husbands to do things..then they get annoyed. Its a little coommunication dance..then you add sleep deprivation and it can be a disaster. Thats where couples therapy comes in handy..an hour every week or biweekly to communicate away from the kids and the ability to learn new communication methods.

b February 3, 2009, 1:34 PM

Trina,

I’m not saying you don’t deserve a thank-you and heart felt gratitude expressed for what you do. But, as the mother of the house, you set the tone for the house. If you complain first, then others complain after you. If you say thank you first, then others follow. It’s about creating a culture of gratitude in your home, and you are the primary gardener. If you want to reap thank-yous, you must first plant them in the hearts of others. I have learned many times that if I have the “he should do it, too; so I’m not doing it until he does it” attitude, nothing changes for the better-it only gets worse. But if I take the higher moral ground (and I don’t say that to be self-righteous, I say it because I am doing what I know in my heart I should do) and don’t let my own feelings of pride and self-justification win over, I am happier, my family is happier and the culture of my home changes from one of “me and my needs first” to “you and your needs first”, and everyone’s needs get met. I get the help I need, the praise I want, the appreciation I deserve, a husband who is grateful that he married me, children who respect me, and a sense of peace within my heart that I have created something pleasant in a world where so much ugliness, bitterness, hatred, anger, selfishness and pride exist.

A happy family doesn’t do things that are fair. A happy family does things that are equitable. I learned that as a teacher in school, as a wife and now as a mother. When we look at things in terms of “fair”, we say “I’ve done 50% and you’ve only done 49% or less” and then we get sucked into the score keeping game and all of it’s destructiveness. But if we focus instead on doing what’s equitable, and in the best interest of our family members, suddenly, we shift our focus away from score keeping and separating ourselves to coming together and building each other up. Like I said, the mother sets the entire tone and culture for her family. And instead of thinking of it as being a mommy to your husband, think of it as being the wife he brags about at work, the lover he wants to come home to, and the best friend he married. Think of it as helping him to become the man you always knew he could be, and take pride in helping others to be better people. And, if your MIL is acting the same way as your husband chances are she wasn’t the kind of mommy who taught him to say thanks, so maybe he does need a “mommy” in that regard.

Mandi February 3, 2009, 2:03 PM

My husband comes home from work ready to do whatever needs to be done. I rarely have to ask him to help, he asks what he can do that would be the MOST helpful. When he’s extra tired, I offer to take care of all the chores for the evening and when I’m extra tired he does the same for me. He’s more interested in my well-being than his own and I’m more interested in his than mine. That’s what it means to love someone.

Anonymous February 3, 2009, 2:47 PM

Amen to this.

Brian February 3, 2009, 5:05 PM

I think kpmomma (above) has a very interesting point. Women tend to take on more of the parenting and household tasks then do their male partners in our culture, add work outside of the home to that and the workload can become really lopsided. But to some degree (and this is different for every couple) women and men just do things differently and place different values on them. For instance, one of the issues in our house is dishes. My wife hates to let dirty dishes sit overnight, where it doesn’t bother me. Does that make one of us wrong and the other right? For my point of view, I’m happy to do the dishes (and I do) but I would rather take one evening to relax and spend with her and do the dishes the next night. Early on, she would do the dishes every night and then resent the fact that I didn’t do them. Meanwhile, I couldn’t understand why she was angry at me for doing something else when what I really had wanted to do was spend the time with her. Once we talked out the differences things got better. It’s still a challenge for my wife to let things sit just as much as it is for me to try to do them a little earlier but the key is that we understand we do chores differently, at different times and in different ways. Her way isn’t better than mine or vice versa. I think demanding a husband or a wife do tasks in the way you would do them and in the time frame you would want them can be self-defeating and frustrating.

Mike February 3, 2009, 5:47 PM

So here’s a question… why have a child if you aren’t ready for the responsibilities that come along with one? Oftentimes, the mother becomes the primary caregiver and things that are a result of this or affected by this need to be planned for. Unhappiness with the result afterward can’t be cured as easily as a little advance preparation and planning. As such, more expecting parents need to plan out realistic expectations and plan for likely issues such as less personal time for the primary caregiver.

lynn February 4, 2009, 6:40 PM

i work 5 days a week and am the main breadwinner and my husband is a joiner so in this current climate his work is very yon/off . i find when when he’s off he tries his best but the washing I put in the machine before I go to work is always there when I get back .And a minor point , the dinner he cooks is always so high fat and rich which i always try to avoid but have to appear grateful and feel guilty for complaining


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