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What's Up with Men and Lingerie?

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Lingerie: Why spend money on something that will just get taken off? Inquiring moms want to know!

man holding a lingerie for wife

momlogic's jenny: Long, long ago, there once lived a young, reasonably fit, and energetic woman named Jenny who lived in a magical kingdom called Los Angeles. When she first met a man (that would one day become her husband), she went out of her way to wear sexy undergarments. She even bought naughty lingerie "just because." The man appreciated Jenny's gesture, and gladly reciprocated by buying her (the tightest, most uncomfortable) lingerie to wear on special occasions like Valentine's Day, anniversaries, Fridays ...

Then they got married.

Then they had a baby.

Then she went back to work.

Then she became tired.

Then she stopped shaving her legs.

Now she wears sweats and falls asleep on the couch with her mouth open.

The End.

Does this happily-ever-after story sound familiar to you? Do you want it to be like the "good ol' days"?? You want to feel and look sexy in and out of the bedroom. You want to please your man and feel like his very own Victoria Secret's model, but the truth is you're happy wearing his old boxers and a tee. Plus, in this recession, what's the point of spending money on some see-through, lacy get-up when you could easily be naked -- FOR FREE?!

Well, according to Charles Orlando, author of The Problem With Women... is Men, the reasons men love lingerie so much range from primal to romantic.

Charles says: First, please allow me a disclaimer: I cannot speak for all men. I can offer a combination of my opinions and experiences, as well as my impressions of the opinions of other men I've spoken with ... but that's all.

Bras and G-strings, teddies and baby dolls, negligees, corsets and bustiers, and role-play clothing (nurses outfits and the like) ... the word "lingerie" can take on many meanings. From sexy to risque to kinky -- it is completely based on the wants/needs of the couple. So what is it about leather and/or lace that moves the proverbial meter for men?

When it comes to men, the reasons range from primal to romantic. For some, feeling like she did something especially for him can be flattering ... and lingerie offers him a glimpse (and only a teasing glimpse) of the woman he loves as only he sees her. And with all that daily life brings us, it can be hard to keep that sense of "newness" and romance ... and something sexy can be a welcome addition to the bedroom.

But it's not just men who get a positive charge out of lingerie. As I've mentioned in my book The Problem with Women... is Men, women are women first, and wives/mothers/girlfriends second ... and they want to keep their femininity up-front-and-center ... not as an afterthought. Some women wear something sexy under their everyday clothes to feel sexy throughout the day. Some mentioned to me that it not only gives them more confidence, they feel more empowered. And wearing something sensual and revealing for an evening between the sheets can add to anticipation, and eliminate humdrumish feelings of work/kids/house/finances/etc.

Keep in mind, though, that lingerie is an extension of a couple's sensuality and sex life. If he comes home with a gift you're not into (barbed wire, anyone?), you might need to guide things a little. A suggestion might be to go shopping for lingerie together. If you both end up in the dressing room together -- trying things on and taking them off -- beware of salespeople and mall cops, as they may not be forgiving if you are found in "flagrante delicto." But taking him shopping with you kills two birds with one stone: anticipation will be at a high for that evening, and he'll know that the crotchless panties he thinks are perfect might not be your speed.

Point taken, Charles. I think this Valentine's Day, I WILL spice things up. Besides, who says I can't wear the crotchless panties under my sweats?


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92 comments so far | Post a comment now
jordana February 12, 2009, 1:34 PM

A man can not get excited in a meaningful manner if he sees his wife in sweats, sexy nightware allows or excitement and pleasure before anything even happens

Cambie February 12, 2009, 1:36 PM

I love lingerie! Although if my husband ever bought me some I’m sure it would be crotchless panties and cutout bras. So not my thing!!

Anne February 12, 2009, 2:03 PM

I was bought the most wonderful set of lingerie, suitable I feel for Kylie M., the thought counts but the fantasy doesn’t fit!

Marc February 12, 2009, 2:03 PM

As I said in my tweet, it is the same logic that women have when they spend all kinds of time, effort, and money on fancy wrapping paper and bows for a present when it will just get torn off and THROWN AWAY!

The thing for me is my wife is sexy. I see her that way when she gets needlessly dressed up to go to the grocery store, when she has fallen asleep nursing the baby (which I have pics and videos of, BWAHAHA!) or when she hasn’t shaved since what seems the mid 90’s.

It’s HER perception of her own self looking sexy that leads us to get her lingerie or whatever else she likes. It could be from Wal-Mart or Frederek’s of Hollywood, there’s no sure fire formula.

I should write a book called ‘The Problem with Women is… Their Own Self Trying to Look and Act Like What They THINK Men Like’. :-P

Me! February 12, 2009, 2:27 PM

I 100% agree that marc should write that book as that is what’s wrong with us I’m actually admiting that is wrong with me. You also need to add that we try to compete with what other women “say” they have/do. : )

Redwoodmomma February 12, 2009, 5:24 PM

My husband did the smart thing and gave me a note and the $$ to buy whatever made me feel sexiest that we could both enjoy. Just another reason we’re still together after 20 years and 2 kids!

MENTAL TREASURES February 12, 2009, 8:43 PM

I think men buy what they want. That is selfish

Ju February 26, 2009, 10:35 PM

I used to buy lingerie all the time. That was before I had the baby. Now I’m trying to get off the extra 30+ lbs so i can be healthy and trim again. And so I can fit into my old “naughties”. My husband never bought me the stuff, for starters, he doesn’t know my size, and he wants me to be comfy in what I wear. It’s foreplay for both of us and we both take pleasure in it. It’s all in how you see it.

Cassandra March 4, 2009, 8:29 PM

This “happily ever after” story sounds very familiar! I also don’t understand why men want women to spend all this money on expensive, uncomftorable lingerie when the ultimate goal is to get you naked, which you can do for free! However, men will be men, and if it makes them feel loved or puts a smile on their face, everyonce in awhile women should deal with the uncomfortability and put a smile on their husbands face.

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