Guest blogger Mary Poppins: Let me preface this by saying that I love children, but some children are a nightmare and I blame you, their parent.
Now you can always come up with clever excuses, but you know what? I don't really care because yesterday your kid bit me. Now this was not just a little bite, it was a full-on attack launched at me because I was putting her down for the nap you told me she had to have.
Your little angel threw herself at me kicking and screaming, while I was holding one of your 10-month-olds, and pulled my hair. Then she proceeded to bite me through my sweater that left teeth marks. Maybe she has been traumatized by people telling her no before, frankly I don't know the full details and I don't really care since my left arm still hurts and I'm trying to determine if your devil of a daughter actually drew blood and I have to have a rabies shot.
The worst part, though, was your response.
I know you are busy at work and are extremely important with everything resting on your shoulders, but this is your kid and she just turned violent for no reason. When I call, I want you to apologize to me PROFUSELY! I want you to act upset by this incident and when I pick up my next paycheck I want you to give me a large tip. I also want an email apologizing for this incident because it was clear by the lack of surprise in your voice that this is not the first time this has happened and you don't expect it to be the last. Therefore, I know it was nothing that I could have done to her. So please, get her help!