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Spare Us News On Your Kid's Bowel Movements

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Childless Bitch: Dear Mommies,

annoyed woman in computer

As a vacant vessel -- read: lady without a baby, I am here to throw some enlightenment your way regarding a specific Facebook phenomenon. New moms, especially the stay at home type, have taken to their Facebook status updates as a means of letting the world know every detail of their spawn's daily developments. Those developments range from the earth shattering napping schedule to the awesomeness of little Jaden's first poopy in the big boy potty. While these updates might not be news, the reaction to those updates by the non-babied community probably is. For real, '[name redacted] is smiling at her baby because she is using a fork' is driving us bananas.

The internets have heard the public outcry of the child-free and have given us this little website in return. Shut the F*&% Up Parents is a collection of Facebook status updates that make our eggs instantly dry up. It documents every offense from using your baby's face as your profile picture to thoughts on burying placenta in the backyard. Yes, non-mommies find these tidbits offensive - as in OMG, we really don't care that you are about to walk your infant to the duck park.

True, we non-parents can also be boring as hell in our status updates, 'Jen loves peanut butter - YUMMY!' but usually we're not as consistent.

This is what we're talking about behind your baby bjorn'd backs, just thought you should know. And trust, it's definitely not because we're jealous.


Love,
CB


next: How Has Motherhood Changed YOU?
65 comments so far | Post a comment now
Julie March 17, 2009, 2:14 PM

I think this article has really touched on a nerve. I agree that most people ( except perhaps grandparents, best friends and so on) do not want to hear about poops. However what is the point of posting or blogging if we all have to sit back and worry about whether we are annoying or boring everyone. If we did that none of us would post. In the end I think it comes down to the fact we all want to be able to be who we are without being judged or ridiculed. So with that I am signing out of this one before the poop really starts flying :) Love and respect to all.
Peace,
Julie

Elaine March 17, 2009, 2:33 PM

Truth be told, I bet grandparents and best friends don’t even want to hear about poop.

Neil Bryan Kancy March 17, 2009, 2:46 PM

I know..DISGUSTING!!! I know of a FB friend who listed on his status update that his newborn shot feces at him. Again, DISGUSTING!!! Whatever.

dartigen March 17, 2009, 2:58 PM

I have no objections to blogging about kids, but there is such a thing as too much information. People want to know when your kid did something important or exciting (i.e. a first day at school/kindie/daycare/whatever). We don’t want to know if the kid is pooping. That’s going into the realm of ‘things the public doesn’t need to know’.
I don’t use FB, but isn’t there an option to turn of public updates or unsubscribe to someone’s updates?

Wendi March 17, 2009, 3:39 PM

Wow…is this really a conversation? I’m dumber for contributing! But I can’t seem to turn away! LOL!

Gail Cooke March 17, 2009, 4:31 PM

I agree with her…but I don’t like the approach she takes in the articles.

UM March 17, 2009, 4:33 PM

I think that your child’s being potty trained is a big deal. Do you have to describe it? no. But i see no harm in saying Bob pooped on the big potty…or John is potty trained. Seriously if it is a big deal to people log off facebook and myspace. no one forces you to be on there and read updates, blogs or posts.

Anne March 17, 2009, 4:36 PM

Hahaha - that perfectly sums up how us non-moms feel about those irritating FB updates!!!

Jen March 17, 2009, 4:39 PM

I’m so sorry your Mom didn’t brag about you coming up. They have therapists for that though.

teresa March 17, 2009, 5:27 PM

Why don’t you just delete them from your ‘friends’ ? I update about my baby all the time… no poopie ones.. yet!
If you don’t care to know, then delete.

Bec Thomas March 17, 2009, 7:29 PM

Oh yes it is way more interesting what the childless have to say. Nothing like another update of “taking my dog out for a walk”, or the grand “I’m going to get hammered tonight”, or “I picked up someone new”. The drivel is just as pointless.

Anonymous March 17, 2009, 8:55 PM

My son is currently learning to go on the potty!!!!

Bwuaaaa haaa haaa haaaa haaaa!

cb2 March 17, 2009, 10:14 PM

cb - you’re rad. three cheers to you and your dried up eggs! perhaps our eggs should schedule a play date?

Jessi March 17, 2009, 11:06 PM

Oh shut up, shut up, shut up. If you don’t like it, unfriend them. Either that or step outside your selfish little world and realize that this, as boring as it is to you, is your friends job. Eating with forks, pooping in the potty, using crayons… it’s what she (and some he’s) do and it’s noble. If you don’t like hearing or reading about it, don’t be friends with them and don’t friend them on FB. Fill your life with childless couples who travel the world and wax poetic on their FB status.

Use Your Words March 18, 2009, 1:08 PM

Jessi,
Yes in your world, eating with a fork is noble - but I’m pretty sure the point of this rant is that IT’S NOT NEWSWORTHY. And for all those mommies that think staring at your napping child is news that other people on your Facebook would want to read about, then you are completely delusional. Savor that private moment to yourself. Your mundane inner dialogue does not belong on the internet!

Kim NP March 18, 2009, 1:27 PM

What are you doing reading those Facebook comments, anyway? Are you talking about your friends? Am I mistaken, or with Facebook, do you read only the updates from the people you call friends? I don’t get you…

Stephanie March 18, 2009, 2:38 PM

I’m not big on the whole Facebook scene, but I agree with this article, as well as some of the comments directed at the childfree. ALL of the posts are painfully uninteresting.

It doesn’t OFFEND me that parents and non-parents alike are posting pointless boring details of their day-to-day lives; it offends me that they are disrespectful enough of their children to post intimate details of their lives without their permission. I would love to know how acceptable these mothers would find it if their husband/SO/whatever posted “My wife just took a huge dump!” on their Facebook page. Angry, embarrassed, betrayed? Yeah…how do you think your child would feel if he knew what you were doing? Your child deserves every bit of privacy that you can reasonably afford him.

Before you post about your kid, ask yourself, “Would I want someone else to post this comment about me where my friends and family are likely to read it?”. That, to me, is the difference between an offensive and an inoffensive post.

BradleyTee March 18, 2009, 3:26 PM

CB-
For the most part, I kind of like the “I am women, hear me roar” theology until you start railing on the habits(albeit sometimes a little excessive)of stay at home moms and then writing of your disdain for what they do on, of all places…Facebook.
Kind of takes a little steam out of your position as a contributor to MOMLogic. Last I checked “mom” meant a women with child.
I wonder if I could write a column at as a Heart Surgeon even though I’ve never been to medical school or that the sight of blood makes me sick?
Just a thought.
Peace!

Jules March 20, 2009, 12:37 PM

Bradley, popping a baby out doesn’t make someone an expert of having kids. Just ask Casey Anthony.

newstayathomemommyandproud March 22, 2009, 8:10 PM

Wow, harsh lady! I used to be a traveling professional woman with an “exciting” life. Then I started a family, and discovered true selfless love. I agree with all of the others, why be so- called “friends” with people you can’t stand? The idea behind FB is that you socialize with friends; what sort of friend is so resentful of their friend’s lifestyles?
Status updates are prompted by a question on your homepage, something like “what are you doing now?”. This is what new moms and dads do! It’s truth people, take it or leave it, but don’t be condescending about it.


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