Childless Bitch: Dear Mommies,
As a vacant vessel -- read: lady without a baby, I am here to throw some enlightenment your way regarding a specific Facebook phenomenon. New moms, especially the stay at home type, have taken to their Facebook status updates as a means of letting the world know every detail of their spawn's daily developments. Those developments range from the earth shattering napping schedule to the awesomeness of little Jaden's first poopy in the big boy potty. While these updates might not be news, the reaction to those updates by the non-babied community probably is. For real, '[name redacted] is smiling at her baby because she is using a fork' is driving us bananas.
The internets have heard the public outcry of the child-free and have given us this little website in return. Shut the F*&% Up Parents is a collection of Facebook status updates that make our eggs instantly dry up. It documents every offense from using your baby's face as your profile picture to thoughts on burying placenta in the backyard. Yes, non-mommies find these tidbits offensive - as in OMG, we really don't care that you are about to walk your infant to the duck park.
True, we non-parents can also be boring as hell in our status updates, 'Jen loves peanut butter - YUMMY!' but usually we're not as consistent.This is what we're talking about behind your baby bjorn'd backs, just thought you should know. And trust, it's definitely not because we're jealous.