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Chris and Rihanna: Happily Ever After?

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Momlogic's Jill: Earlier this week, I freaked out when my teen girls expressed enthusiasm over Chris Brown and Rihanna's reunion.

Chris Brown and Rihanna

You'd think after over two decades producing talk shows -- and having spent the last year and a half working on a parenting site for moms -- that I'd recognize a "teachable moment" when I saw one and speak up. But earlier this week, one left me utterly speechless.

When my daughters were getting ready for school, they overheard the news that Rihanna and Chris Brown were back together in the wake of her brutal beating. "Oh, that's good news!" I heard my 15-year-old exclaim. My younger daughter, 13, chimed in, "They are so cute together -- I'm so glad they're a couple again."

Shocked at what I was hearing, I asked them why they felt this way. My older daughter reasoned that "at least now, people would really keep an eye on her," and that "maybe Chris had learned from his mistake." I didn't know what to say. I managed to mumble something about the cycle of abuse, that there was a strong likelihood of his hurting her again ... but in the rush of getting ready, they were out the door and on their way to school with my husband.

How did I mess up such a golden opportunity to have an important conversation about abusive relationships with my daughters? Why was I suddenly paralyzed to say the obvious?

I asked psychologist Dr. Chrystal Evans for insight, and she reminded me that these types of conversations don't have to happen in the moment. She said I could actually take the time to gather my thoughts, and then bring up the subject again when we weren't so rushed. Okay, so maybe I didn't totally screw up.

Dr. Evans gave me a couple of pointers for starting the dialogue: To ask my teen daughters how they feel about what Chris Brown allegedly did to Rihanna, and to probe into whether or not they know anyone who's been in a similar situation. That can open the conversation up to bigger issues of abuse and why it's so important never to keep secrets if someone is hurting you, especially not from your mom! (Click here for signs your teen daughter is in an abusive relationship.)

Have your kids opened up to you about Chris and Rihanna?


next: Why I'm Not at a Bachelor Party This Weekend
19 comments so far | Post a comment now
Edna Fabry March 6, 2009, 4:14 PM

I heard that Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together again. This is tragic! By Rihanna going back to Chris she is showing clear signs that she is addicted to men treating her badly. Ladies! Domestic Violence is as addictive as Cocaine it requires treatment so that the victim learns that this is not something to be taken
lightly it can end in death.

Weekends Off March 6, 2009, 5:01 PM

You are only the victim the first time. After that you are a volunteer.

Sick and Tired March 6, 2009, 5:10 PM

I don’t like to comment on these sites but this story about Chris Brown and Rihanna it truely racking a nerve with me. All the people who are giving their “opinions” talk like to know what happened. Unless you were there, you don’t have a clue what happened or did not happen. All you got is what the media tells you and your opionion. I don’t know Chris Brown or Rihanna. I love Chris’ music and still do. Rihanna’s music is alright. Everybody wants to be a judge and jury unless they are the ones who are being judged. I am willing to bet that half the women and men who criticize Chris have abused a least one person in their lifetime. Domestic violence is gender neutral. Girls: If you hit your boyfriend (for whatever reason; that is domestic violence. As some women say—it was just a spack on his head—Just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you cannot be an abuser.
Men: For those of you who hit your girlfriend because she was running her mouth or for whatever reason; that is domestic violence.

The moral of the story is anyone can be an abuser even when you think that you are not.

Susan March 6, 2009, 5:52 PM

You’ve caused me to realize that this is a conversation I need to have with my tween sons…I am afraid that they might think what Chris Brown did was ok because Rihanna forgave him.

Bryce March 6, 2009, 6:25 PM

It is up to parents to talk about this stuff with their kids…when their role models make mistakes, it’s the perfect opportunity to have a life saving conversation.

Jean March 6, 2009, 6:44 PM

I’m disturbed to hear that kids are already using this case as slang in their day to day lingo..”I’m gonna Chris Brown you”….One in four girls is in an abusive relationship. This should be an eye opener to all parents. As Oprah says, if he hits you once, he will hit you again.

-anonymus March 6, 2009, 9:28 PM

its likely true that if he did it once he might do it again.but what if he learns from his mistake and wont do it ever again cause he loves her.u have no clue whats next to happen but if rihanna is back with chris that means they were deeply in love.stop thinking negatively and be postitive about the real world.most people may be concerned with this situation but u wouldnt have this discussion with them .its not a big deal like u think it is you guys are just exaggerating.

Bec Thomas March 7, 2009, 2:38 AM

Battered wife syndrome is alot more then the physical abuse, it also comes with a ton of mental and emotional abuse. The abuser can be very creative in twisting the abusee’s preceptions. This doesn’t happen over night, it usually starts slowly and has been taking place for months before the first time the abuser physically attacks. It’s akin to how a pediphile grooms his targets before the physical sexual abuse actually starts. Young women are usually targets for these type of men because women are still in the stage of learning who they are as a person. This happens thousands of times a day and not only to women. We also have a nasty habit of vitumizing the vitum which usually deepens the co-depence problem. Anyone that says the blame is her fault then you really should educate yourselfs more on this topic.

I do pity Chris Brown because he’s repattern behavior he learned as a child, that doesn’t excuse his actions though and he really needs to seek out theropy.

cutestdgirl March 8, 2009, 8:32 AM

Breaking news
After the exposure of the news Rihanna gave Chris herpes, the member of the largest STD online dating site

==== STDslove.c o m ====

increase quickly. The users on that site said Rihanna has an account on that site. Do you believe it?

cg March 8, 2009, 7:52 PM

Jill, Dr. Evans is correct. These conversations should take place often, and they don’t always have to start the same way, but the underlying theme should be the same-physical abuse by anyone is not acceptable. Much less someone like a boyfriend etc. Our daughters must be taught to repect and treasure themselves- they are Queens. If they are not taught this some jerk may come along and tell them things we have’nt, but it will be in order to get what he wants, not because he necessarily believes it.I personally don’t believe in dating for recreation- I believe that dating must involve marriage as the result (unless of course there are definite incompatiblity issues). this would apply no matter how old the people are.

pushka March 9, 2009, 6:06 AM

Being a survivor of domestic abuse what happened to that child didn’t happen just one time and this is an escalation of many times. Usually it’s a broken dish, picture, whatever in how it starts, then it becomes a slap and when the slapping doesn’t work it becomes regular beat downs. That picture just broke my heart for that girl because we didn’t see what she looked like the following day. I’m shocked that anyone who stood up and said man oh man that’s not right started backtracking immediately. It’s like beating on anyone in that manner is not ok. That child is going to wind up dead if it continues the way it’s going. They both need some serious counseling at this point and a good long break. Things will be great for 30 - 90 days if she’s lucky. It will happen again.

shiaquita March 9, 2009, 3:53 PM

I think thats great there back together let them figure out there problems

Laurie March 10, 2009, 1:51 PM

My guess is Shiaquita has been a victim of violence herself if she thinks it is great they are back together. None of us truly knows what happened between Chris and Rhinna, however, nothing justifies physical or emotional abuse. I know, I have been there and will NEVER travel down that road again.

tristan March 11, 2009, 11:49 AM

WE ARE ALWAYS SO QUICK TO USE SOMEONE ELSES DOWN FALL OR LIFE LESSON LEARNED AS AN EXAMPLE OR OPPORTUNITY TO SCHOOL OUR CHILDREN.WE REALLY NEED TO UNDER STAND THAT MEMORABLE KNOWLEDGE IS BESTOWED THRU OUT THE YEARS AND NOT JUST THRU 1 CONVERSATION.IF YOU WANT TO SCHOOL YOUR CHILDREN ON LIFE LESSONS START WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG AS THEY GROW. AFTER THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS TRUST THAT YOU HAVE DONE THE BEST YOU CAN AND IF THEY ASKED YOU A QUESTION THAT YOU DIDNT KNOW YOU FOUND THEM A CORRECT ANSWER.

TRISTAN March 11, 2009, 11:56 AM

ITS MOMMENTS LIKE THIS THAT WE REALLY NEED TO REMEMBER THAT WE SHOULD STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES PERSONAL AFFAIRS. WE BECOME OH SO CRITICAL OF SOMEONE’S SITUATION AND WE JUST WENT THRU THE SAME THING LAST WEEK AND ALL YOU REALLY NEEDED WAS TO WORK THINGS OUT BETWEEN THE 2 OF YOU WITHOUT EVERYONE ELSE BEING IN YOUR EAR.REMMEMBER WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND IT IS NOT FOR US TO JUDGE ANYONE.THAT IS GODS JOB.

latrina foster March 12, 2009, 6:09 PM

CHRIS BROWN PUNCHES ARE LIKE KISSES TO RIHANNA HIS SLAPS ARE CHILLS UP HER SPINE WHEN CHOKE HER IT’S LIKE HUGS OF JOY HIS KICKS ARE LIKE TICKLES THAT MAKE HER WANT HIM MORE LOVE IT’S SOOOO GRAND THIS IS A LOVE POEM TO ALL THOSE STUPID WOMEN WHO STAY WITH THEIR ABUSERS LET THEM FOREVER FEEL THE PAIN

Danielle March 13, 2009, 11:51 AM

i cannot believe they are getting back together. all she is doing is allowing him to win. she’s showing all these young kids, who look up to her, that it’s ok for a man to be violent towards them. kids look up to her as a role model and she’s not leading by example. Women who allow men to hurt them physically and emotionally continually need help. get out of the situation. there is no need to put your life in jeopardy for the sake of man’s problem. report it and take action!!!!

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