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Why I'm Not at a Bachelor Party This Weekend

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Paul Starke: Over the course of my adult life, I've been invited to about 20 bachelor parties. I've attended all of them, even the ones for guys I don't know that well. Why do I love these so much? To put it simply, bachelor parties usually involve some combination of steak dinners, gambling, strippers, and other hedonistic activity. I have never, ever had a bad time at one of these. In fact, one of the reasons I got married in the first place was so I could have a bachelor party in my honor (not the main reason, but it was definitely in the top five).

man in strip club

So when my friend Jason got engaged last year, I began counting down the days until I could pay someone named Vikki to suffocate him with her boobs.

Shortly thereafter, my son Luke was born, and something changed. No, I didn't lose my desire to have a guys weekend in Vegas, to live off meat and blackjack and silicone for 48 hours... In fact, I wanted to do that more than ever.

The something that changed was Math. As in:

One bachelor party weekend = One month of paying the nanny

One gluttonous steak dinner = Two months of diapers

One lap dance = One week of baby food

One bad night at the craps tables = no new clothes for the baby this summer

One REALLY bad night at the craps tables = No preschool

As I went over these calculations in my head, not one of them justified me leaving my family for a few days to act like a douche with my buddies.

They say that guys truly understand what it's like to be a parent the first time they hold their kids in their arms. That's true, but this weekend, as my friends are off doing god knows what with god knows whom, and I'm at home wiping Luke's butt, I'll really feel like a Dad. And it will feel amazing.

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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
tom March 6, 2009, 6:27 PM

No offense… but that’s the lamest excuse ever.

I don’t really do the strip club thing but I would still go to the dinner in honor of my friend.

donna March 6, 2009, 8:46 PM

tom- wanting to provide for his family is not the lamest excuse ever. it makes good sense and it happens to sound very sweet. especially in the current economic climate.

tom March 7, 2009, 12:12 AM

I have to admit. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my marriage is distancing myself from my “buddies.” I used the same excuses he made (money and family).

Friends are great but what guys really need are their “buds.” When times get tough we turn to these buddies (almost brothers) for emotional strength.

Guys remember things like when you skip out on their bachelor party for some lame excuse.

Go. You can do Vegas for cheap and if these guys are truly your buds… they will understand if you skip out on some stuff.

Jill (the other one) March 7, 2009, 2:35 AM

Good for you, Paul :o)

coco March 7, 2009, 7:51 AM

Wait! First the bum breaks an engagement with Melissa on TV. She tells him to stay away, don’t try to communicate. So now this @$$ is going to write her on a public site where we can all “share”? Is he that dumb, or that egotistical or getting paid that much money to put this 20 year old girl through more? Jason and this show (and maybe this blog) have lost any sense of decency. Maybe there’s lots of $$$$$$ for all.

coco March 7, 2009, 8:03 AM

Sorry they put this under the wrong story!

Mommy April 25, 2009, 1:01 AM

I *heart* you, Paul. It’s nice to see a parent with his/her priorities in order. A weekend in Vegas is a far cry from a night out with friends. It’s kinda like buying big, fake lips and a pedicure when you have diapers to buy and college to save for. When you decide to have a child, his needs must come first. There are plenty of other opportunities to bond with the boys. There are always some kind of playoffs going on, for heaven’s sake.

Cayla Hamada March 19, 2011, 11:00 PM

As a Newbie, I am constantly browsing online for articles that can benefit me. Thank you

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