Paul Starke: Over the course of my adult life, I've been invited to about 20 bachelor parties. I've attended all of them, even the ones for guys I don't know that well. Why do I love these so much? To put it simply, bachelor parties usually involve some combination of steak dinners, gambling, strippers, and other hedonistic activity. I have never, ever had a bad time at one of these. In fact, one of the reasons I got married in the first place was so I could have a bachelor party in my honor (not the main reason, but it was definitely in the top five).
So when my friend Jason got engaged last year, I began counting down the days until I could pay someone named Vikki to suffocate him with her boobs.
Shortly thereafter, my son Luke was born, and something changed. No, I didn't lose my desire to have a guys weekend in Vegas, to live off meat and blackjack and silicone for 48 hours... In fact, I wanted to do that more than ever.
The something that changed was Math. As in:
One bachelor party weekend = One month of paying the nanny
One gluttonous steak dinner = Two months of diapers
One lap dance = One week of baby food
One bad night at the craps tables = no new clothes for the baby this summer
One REALLY bad night at the craps tables = No preschool
As I went over these calculations in my head, not one of them justified me leaving my family for a few days to act like a douche with my buddies.
They say that guys truly understand what it's like to be a parent the first time they hold their kids in their arms. That's true, but this weekend, as my friends are off doing god knows what with god knows whom, and I'm at home wiping Luke's butt, I'll really feel like a Dad. And it will feel amazing.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, "An Inconvenient Book."|