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A Give and Take for New Moms

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Christina Montoya Fiedler: It's always been hard for me to accept help. It's part of my type-A personality - the get-it right-the-first-time, bring-it-on attitude that's been with me since the beginning. Blame it also on the strong woman role models in my life. Mexican women are by nature, go-getters. We take it all on, no matter what, and we are the focal point of our families -- the masa that binds it all together.

latina mother kissing baby

But with my new mommy title, which was added to my wife title and working woman title, and so on ... help is what I need sometimes, and help is "gulp" what I must accept. It's all a part of letting go, the physical and mental act of forgetting things that were once important and moving on to the here and now.

This is something that is very hard for new moms to do. And, I'm not talking about just one type of letting go. There are MANY:

Letting Go ... of the Old You. You are no longer the party hoping, social butterfly you once were. On Friday nights you're more likely to be found on the couch, snuggly with your family rather than all dolled up and talking over cosmos with your girlfriends. But you realize there's no place you'd rather be. Everything you need is right there on that couch.

Letting Go ... of the Little Things. Your house used to be immaculate but now, you don't know when the last time you vacuumed was or when your ironing is ever going to get done. For a "clean freak" like me, this was especially hard. Time is better spent eating a meal with you family or getting some fresh air with baby on a mid-afternoon walk. You find yourself saying, "Let the dishes wait," and can't believe it's actually you who said it!

Letting Go... of Your Baby. I'm talking about physically, when you dare let other people take care of him even for a few hours. This was the hardest part of letting go for me, because no one knows your baby like you do. I even had a hard time leaving him with my mom for the first time, but once I got back home from my outing I realized he barely knew I was gone.

The realization? In letting go, you gain so much more -- the ability to raise a human being from a baby to a responsible, well-rounded adult; the creation of room in your heart for more love than you ever thought was possible; and the perspective of parenting that lets you know what your parent's must have felt as they raised you just a few decades ago.

In letting go, you commit yourself to a new life -- one that you wouldn't change for the world.

Join Christina in the momlogic community's Latina Mamas group!

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4 comments so far | Post a comment now
Desiree March 11, 2009, 2:22 PM

Ya know… letting go of the control was the hardest part for me. I FINALLY accepted help after 2 kids and a 4th pregnancy! So I know exactly what you are talking about. It has been about a week that I have had help and I will tell you it relieves so much stress from my life that I am actually a better mom and wife! So I am actually glad that I did it!
My mom tells me I should have done it a long time age :)

Michael March 11, 2009, 5:49 PM

So true, I was the same way! I’ve mellowed out alot since then.

Marie March 11, 2009, 9:48 PM

Wow, well put! I was just talking to my friend about that. Letting go; you had to learn to do it with your baby… right now I’m needing to learn to do it with my Teen (17)! He’s moving to the most independent part of his young adulthood… driving! I’m having such a hard time that he could’ve taken his driver’s test 2 months ago and has had a car since his 16th birthday but I keep making up excuses for why I can’t take him…. Your are so right, letting go is hard. Very hard.

Anonymous March 12, 2009, 2:19 PM

I wish I was as wise as you when I started a family! Bravo, esposa y mama!

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