I Saw Him First!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

filed under: leslie adler

Sarah from Burbank, California writes:

Lisa and I have known each other for years and have become increasingly close since we both got divorced about two years ago. We help each other out with our kids and we go out socially, pretty frequently to places where we think we can meet nice and eligible men. We have a favorite hangout on Thursday nights because the place caters to our age group and tends to attract a well dressed, employed (important in these times) group of men. For two weeks I had been "working it" with a handsome guy and I told Lisa I thought he was "hot and interesting." The next week, "my guy" approached Lisa and she dove in head first ... right in front of me!! She had no regard for my feelings. That night he took her number and they have been dating since. I think Lisa's a jerk. She says it was totally not her fault that he expressed interest in her. What do you think?

Leslie Adler: Sarah, I am sorry, but I do not think the "I saw him first" theory works in matters of the heart. There's either a love connection....or there ain't! "[Your] guy" wasn't really your guy yet and despite your two weeks of "working him" he went for Lisa. If you have been reading "The Friendship Court" you know I generally put "Ho's before bros' and chicks before _____" but that goes both ways here. If you put Lisa before "your guy" you can just give her some support and ride it out and see if this fling lasts for her. Hopefully she will do the same for you next time a hot guy picks you over her. Thanks for sharing with "The Friendship Court."

I saw him first or all is fair in love and war? What do you think?

Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."

6 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

“Somewhere in the middle” is what I would say. “All is fair….” is a little extreme but I agree “i saw him first” does not work with matters of the heart.

- Marge

Posted 03/20/09 03:00 PM

I think Lisa could have beenmore sensitive as she knew Sarah liked the guy…there are other guys out there you know.

- Susie

Posted 03/20/09 03:04 PM

while i agree that the i saw him first doesn’t really count with real matters of the heart, the friend should have gone there. it’s like bro’s before ho’s, but i guess, it’s chicks before dicks?

- Cristina Mathers

Posted 03/20/09 03:34 PM

I feel that she “worked it” for 2 weeks and he wasn’t interested. The I saw him first doesn’t really count with real matters of the heart,thats true and I also think its ok for the friend to give him her number. Neither of them dated him yet so I feel its the connection ,they were both in the same place and allowed him to choose.

- Peggy Gorman

Posted 03/20/09 06:26 PM

I feel the comment “there are other guys out there” is not strong enough. This could be Lisa’s love of her life, It was only Sarah’s possible man. Stay strong for your girl-friend and put it in perspective; she did not steal him from under you but right in front of you. Besides, it’s not really stealing when Sarah was just window shopping and had not bought it yet.

- Jeanie

Posted 03/23/09 08:55 PM

UASw4Q comment3 ,

- Chhigloc

Posted 06/25/09 09:32 AM