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Hey Son, It's OK to Be Gay!

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I want my 4-year-old son to know that it's totally OK with me if he's gay. In fact, deep down, I might secretly want him to be.

Mom talking to son

Radical Mommy: I don't claim to know what it's like growing up knowing that you're gay and having to hide such a big part of yourself from the world. But I do know that the gay men and women I know who were accepted and embraced by parents and friends when they came out say they are much happier, and are much more secure now because of it.

Having a gay child has never, ever been an issue for me, and when I met my husband, I was thrilled to discover it was a non-issue for him as well. Of course, like all parents, we want the best for our child, and I would never want my son to suffer because of who he is and how idiots might see him if he's gay. But gay people do not chose to be gay -- they ARE gay.

According to some of my friends, they knew they were gay from a very young age, some as early as 4. Well, if that's my son, then that's great with me -- I only hope he feels comfortable enough to tell us when he is young so he doesn't have to feel shame or fear, at least in his own home.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want him to be gay (well ... maybe a little -- after all, then I could have TWO sons when he meets someone), but I'm not saying that I want him to be straight either. What I want is for my son to be who he is, not who society or bigots (or even my husband and I) tell him he should be.

In an effort to let our son know that we love him exactly how he is, whenever my husband and I talk to him about his future, and how one day he'll fall in love with someone, we ALWAYS make a point to say, "You may meet a girl OR boy who you fall in love with."

I am proud of the way we are raising our son. If he isn't gay, so be it -- but hopefully he will take with him all the love, affection, acceptance and tolerance that his parents have for ALL of humanity and spread it wherever he goes.

I hope our attitudes will teach him that it's not OK to judge people, make fun of people, or ostracize people just because you don't like or agree with something about them. I hope our attitudes will teach him that it's OK to stand up for other people, even people who are different than you. I hope our attitudes will teach him that love and respect are the ONLY things worthy of filling his heart and head with.

I wanted to know more about what my husband and I can do to raise a child who is comfortable with who he is and accepting of people who aren't the same as him, so I spoke to parenting expert 'Gay Uncle' Brett Berk. Here's what he had to say:

Sounds to me like your current pro-gay practices are pretty spot-on. Normalizing homosexuality for young kids -- through casual exposure to gay friends, by providing awareness of the idea that there's a range of human sexuality, by suggesting options beyond hetero-normativism -- is the best way for them to think of being gay as ... normal (which, obviously, it is).

My only concern would be not to overdo it on the whole "falling in love" thing. I find that parents often tend to focus in on this stuff too much from an early age, and it just feels like a silly form of pressure to put on kids' nascent social relationships (see my post on BFF BS). When a 5-year-old tells me that they just broke up with their boyfriend, I think that someone in their life has done them a huge disservice. Oh, and being gay, like being straight, isn't only about love. It's also about genetics, and animal magnetism, and attraction, and fun and sex. But you certainly don't need to tell your kid about all that.


Want more? Connect with Radical Mommy in the momlogic community.


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116 comments so far | Post a comment now
Fzoghror June 28, 2009, 3:28 PM

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The gang at OURsceneTV October 28, 2009, 8:19 PM

Check out this interview with Judy Shepard. Hooray for the passage of the Matthew Shepard hate crimes prevention act!!!!

somone ashamed of society February 21, 2010, 1:43 AM

Do people even read the bible? Where in the bible does it say that obesity is as sinful as homosexuality “the laws of god are written on men’s hearts” most of these arguments are silly people spouting equaly silly arguments when deep down everyone knows that killing somone is worse then lying about eating the last cookie

Mary February 27, 2010, 5:17 PM

I think what the author is doing is looking to create controversy, and she’s laughing her head off watching you people fight about her… She wants his son to be gay?? come on! And some people are so desperate to approve that point of view that the congratulate her for that… I’m really entertained by all the “liberal”reaction… hahaha… The truth is we have a human nature and we can’t deny that… We are men or women. period. And we can’t see that this movement is trying to destroy families and society as well. And for those of you that will start insulting me for thinking this way: aren’t you the ones that accept everyone?? and all ways of life? so then you have to respect me for believing in the beauty of love, marriage and sex between a man and a women that are comitted, that love each other and have the comitment to raise a family that will contribute to make a better world… Oh… and I don’t hate anyone for their way of life, I just don’t agree with promoting a lifestyle that does more harm than good, because it’s unnatural for the human body and soul…

Anonymous April 7, 2010, 1:00 PM

how would you feel if your mother pushed you to be gay. you would have never had your son in the first place and instead of having two sons you could have a grandson instead

Alex May 14, 2010, 3:32 PM

Too radical. I’m all for gay rights, but I wouldn’t really tell my children about homosexuality if they weren’t old enough to understand. I guess I would explain them if they happened to be curious about the theme, but not really would try and take the first step.

Me July 5, 2010, 9:57 PM

God made me/them gay. That’d be the same as saying God made me/them a murder; because, I/they have desires within to kill someone (whether out of anger, malice, or just sensation)….still doesn’t mean it is what God wants. In fact, God gave of Himself to bring people out of these types of problems in their lives.

Please don’t hide behind this type of thinking. It’s so short-sighted, where it comes to God. Go read the Bible; and, see that He always loved. But, God also requires purity, only provided through Christ.

Not preaching at you, if you’re in this lifestyle. Just offering you the hope and love of Christ, to bring you out of this.

I’m a Christian, and I love you, with the same love of God, which comes from Him. But, blessing a homosexual lifestyle is not God’s plan.

Alogicalthinker October 13, 2010, 11:06 PM

Homosexuality is as natural as the dreadlocks tat grow from my head. All you have to do is look at the animal kingdom, and yes that includes humans too. Thier are well documented cases of gay zebras, lions, apes, mice, dogs, ducks, cats, chickens and many, many more. To even say that homosexuality is a choice, that it is only found in humans, that it is a new phenominon (spelling check), only proves how badly public education has failed you.

blah blah  October 22, 2010, 7:40 AM

why would you want your son to be gay if you want a girl have one

Bill November 16, 2010, 5:18 PM

Bible truths are foolish to the unconverted

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