If you gave up your dog because your spouse hated dogs, would you be pissed if he decided one day he wanted a puppy? One mom says, "Hell, yeah!"
Guest Blogger Samantha: When my husband Rick and I first started dating, we talked a lot about religion. We are both Jewish, but I come from a very reform background, while he comes from a conservative background. His grandparents were all survivors of the Holocaust and had shared some very sad and poignant stories of surviving camps like Auschwitz. One of my husband's grandfathers told him how the Nazis would force them to eat sausage. (The Old Testament clearly states that pork AND shellfish are forbidden under the kosher laws which is why some Jewish people do not eat them.) That story stuck with Rick; he told me that since his grandfather wasn't afforded the freedom of "choice," but that he could practice his religion freely in this country, that he would cut out pork and shellfish out of his diet. It was Rick's personal way of choosing -- his own show of thanks to God.
Rick asked me if I this was a commitment I thought I could make. Touched by his story, and as a Jew who happened to actually not like shellfish at all, I said yes, I could. Would I miss having a good bacon cheeseburger? Yes. Would my heart break a little bit when we travel to Italy and have to refrain from prosciutto? Yes. Would we be the pain in the ass couple you couldn't to go a sushi, seafood, and or BBQ restaurant with because of our dietary restrictions? YES. But it was a sacrifice I was willing to make .... and for the past nine years, I have never (intentionally or knowingly) had pork or shellfish.
However, my husband has always been very opinionated about the "rights" and "wrongs" of Judaism. Even though he (or we) didn't do everything "by the book," he felt very strongly that certain things be done in a certain way, merely because "it says so." "But we pick and choose what we want to do?" I would say, "How can you decide what is right and wrong for other people, or for us even?" It was so frustrating to me. Despite the fact that we didn't entirely keep "kosher" and that our own families weren't "kosher," he insisted that our wedding be completely kosher, that it was the "right thing to do." So we had a kosher wedding (which, BTW, jacks up the cost about 30%). He would get frustrated when my family celebrated Hannukah weeks or days after the actual holiday, insisting it was "wrong," or incorrect (though in my mind, gathering as a family is really all that matters).
BUT THINGS ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE!
Yesterday, I received a text from my Rick. "Should I have an oyster?" WHAT?
"Sure, why not," I wrote back. I'm not the one that really ever cared about it. I did it for him! Half joking, half angry, and half serious, I wrote, "And while you're at it, have a clam chowder too."
Well, wouldn't ya know it, today he called me and said, "Well, babe. It's all gone to sh*t. I just had a tray of clams, some fried calamari, another bowl of chowder ... and I've got a lobster on the way." (I'll pause while you digest this all.) WTF?! What about his "choice" to practice "freedom." What about the sacrifice IIIIIIII made for his "freedom"?! Suddenly all his holier than thou nonsense is shot to sh*t because he's out with the fellas? Because HE's decided that it's okay? Because HE's calling the shots? WHAT?!
I was pissed, shocked, and somewhat relieved (hello, sausage pizza!) Most of all, though, I'm just confused. If your husband was a strict vegetarian and talked about how horrible it is to eat animals, animal cruelty and animal rights, blah blah blah ... And you cut out all your (beloved) animal products to support him, wouldn't you be pissed if one day he said, "Eff it. I'm having a burger." Would you find it hypocritical?
Please, enlighten me ... before I run off and have a rendezvous with a hot piece of bacon ... Literally.