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My Husband's Having an Affair with Zelda

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Zelda is not a woman ... it's a video game, and though it may seem silly, I swear this affair is for real.

Husband plays video game while annoyed wife watches behind

It's a fantasy,  a de-stresser, it's his favorite thing to do on a Friday night (and every other night, too)! No, it's not sex, it's Zelda, the video game, and like a real affair, it's highly addictive. He figures out ways to manipulate "her," he spends hours dissecting what strategy he should apply next to get to know her better and when she's there, he barely pays attention to me. We used to go out and grab dinner on a Friday or Saturday night. Now? He's got a date ... with Zelda.

It gets worse: While in the hospital for a minor procedure, my husband drove me home and reminded me I had to be on "bed rest", meaning in the bedroom, not on the couch: "The doctor said bed rest, honey," he said earnestly. "Oh okay, if I lay on the couch for two days, it's really the same as being in the bed." "No," he said, "you have to be in bed." Then I figured it out ... he wanted the living room so he could sneak in a little video game time.

The other day, I reached the end of my rope. I came home from work, he was in deep concentration mode -- I mean, you would have thought he was playing in the US Open Zelda championship or something. "Hi, honey!" I said, and walked over to give him a kiss. "Ugh. I've been stuck on the bridge for hours, babe, not now." That was it. I thought of some things I could do, like hide the game, put a dent in it, scratch it or just throw it away, but then he would just run to the store and buy another one. I'm hoping, like most affairs, this one will eventually fizzle. But that better hurry, because I'm starting to find some hobbies of my own. While they'll never replace him, I might just give him a taste of his own medicine and be gone playing with my new hobby ... my tennis instructor!



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64 comments so far | Post a comment now
lucasmommy March 3, 2009, 5:03 PM

i have the same issue! only it’s with worlds of warcraft! it’s obscene the number of hours he spends in front of the computer…he’s obsessed! i have to pry him away to get him to help me with anything! i understand it’s a way from him to wind down after work, but its impossible to pull him away for anything!

Ju March 3, 2009, 6:11 PM

Did either of you try to learn anything ABOUT the games they play? Maybe if you show and interest in that, they can be pried away from their games more often and they remember they have mates that bring a whole new game into play. I took the time to learn about football because it’s something my hubby loves. I went to games with him even though I don’t like going to sports games because it cost me very little and it let me spend more time with him.
My hubby despaired when I started playing WOW, but we have games we play together (one of the games is our daughter seeing who can make her squeal loudest and giggle longest), but because we do other things together, I really don’t spend much time on it (my daughter and homework pulls me away more often than not).
WOW may not have an end, but all Zelda games, do. Best strategy would be to GET a strategy guide and give him pointers to finish the game faster. I KNOW the addiction of Zelda, I learned every shortcut to finish the game in about four-five hours for the Super Nintendo version. Besides, he may be impressed by your knowledge, he’ll include you in his gameplay. It’s better than him ignoring you.

jackie March 3, 2009, 6:15 PM

OMG it is SUCH a phase. Soon he will get bored-don’t worry, just ride it out.
too funny though—the tennis instructor. hahaha.
nice one.

Nicole March 3, 2009, 10:18 PM

Ju and Jackie, you are both so wrong. Ju you need to just give it up because you don’t know what you’re talking about. These guys do not want us to be interested in the games, because that would result in losing out on their game time! My husband (and conveniently enough all of our male friends) are obsessed with their video games. For them it’s sports - Madden, college football, NCAA basketball. They spend hours upon hours playing. My husband has been out of work for the past couple of weeks and has done nothing but play his game. We fight over it and it’s always the same thing, he says I’m acting like his mother. It’s ridiculous! I feel for this author, oh how I do. It’s not a pass time or a phase for these guys, it’s a lifestyle. Does your tennis instructor have a friend? ; )

Ju March 3, 2009, 11:09 PM

Maybe I was lucky enough to marry an adult. My pardon if I made it sound like a blanket diagnosis of the problem, it wasn’t my intention. And no, I’m not being sarcastic.
I know there are guys that are addicted. There are women that are addicted, so it’s not just a guy problem. How many women do you know are obsessed about one thing or another that pretty much excludes their husbands?
But I DO know not ALL guys that play games are so into a game are like yours is. Did you ever think it’s a coping mechanism for depression and the nagging doesn’t help?
Nowhere in her article did she say ANYTHING about trying to talk to him, just complaining he’s really into the game. True he was an a$$ about the bedrest thing and for that he should be hit with a 2X4 upside the head and the other side for good measure.
The three of us aren’t actually wrong, we just have different experiences, so saying I don’t know what I’m talking about is an insult. I’m sorry your experience is so negative and apparently the man in this article and your husband needs to remember they’re married to people, not their consoles, but not ALL guys are like this. Mine actually feels guilty if he thinks he hasn’t been paying attention to me.

2 cents March 4, 2009, 11:26 AM

um, where is my comment?

2 cents March 4, 2009, 1:11 PM

wow, ok my comment did not post. (sensitive much momlogic?)

stephanie March 5, 2009, 5:05 PM

See, I get this “you should start playing WITH him” arguement all the time. Um, if I was an obsessive knitter, how many people would be telling DH that he needed to take up knitting because it was better than me ignoring him?

So, before I got married, I told my husband that if he started playing WoW or any other MMORPG, that I would start sleeping with other men.

He doesn’t play. We hang out instead. Problem solved.

Mia March 5, 2009, 6:05 PM

Yeah, I dated a guy like that. Obsessed with it. I swear I could walk into the room naked and he wouldn’t notice. When I finally dumped him, he said that *I* wasn’t paying enough attention to him! It was then that I really really realized that he was a 12 y/o trapped in a 26 y/o body. BTW, I had a friend with the same problem that started playing WoW with him, now they don’t actually speak to each other, unless you count IM chatting… in the same room no less!

Ju March 5, 2009, 8:03 PM

@stephanie

Glad you nipped it before it could start. Like I said, this was the experience I had, not something that’s written gospel.

@Mia

Sad about your friend. My DH and I play stuff like Mari Bros. and Monopoly, letting our daughter use an unplugged controller so it’s still family fun for an hour.

SirNewLink March 5, 2009, 11:46 PM

Well it is Zelda………

Hombre de Mundo March 6, 2009, 9:23 AM

The most distrubing matter of this is, how can you be stuck on the Bridge for hours? It’s not that hard!

huntedhunter March 6, 2009, 2:49 PM

I can almost fully understand a gamer… Because I am one. I’m not a mother nor a husband but I know a few game-addicted friends a coupla years older than me, enough to get married and one of them is!

First I can only say people who get addicted to games have different reasons: you just have to find out what gets them addicted. I advise wives to talk it out with their addicted husbands about what they like in “each” game they play.

If your husband’s addicted to strategic games it could be because he enjoys strategic challenges (I enjoy it too). If he likes action then he enjoys the graphics/motion/violence of it. If he likes sports… My bad I absolutely hate sports games, I know nothing about it.

If it is MMORPGs I can only say, in MMOs with each level you gain you earn it for life unless the game got taken down. For each level gained you receive bonuses (stats points or skills or w/e). These sometimes make people feel they achieved something, and motivates them to get more. But because MMOs also allow you to interact with other people, if you say, made a rival out of someone you may feel like you need to get better, and the only way = spend more hours on it.

To put it simply, it works like drugs. I hope you find these useful. Oh by the way, I do worry about how I cope with games when I get married one day. ;) Sadly I can’t quit it by myself, may need psychological help lol.

WarblingsWifey March 9, 2009, 1:12 AM

I have a WoW fan here. Trust me, the gaming is not a cover-up for depression, at least here. It’s just a nice release for him at the end of the day. He gets 12 hours a week of it (our compromise…along with none while our son is awake, and I just do my own hobbies during that time), after that he has to wait til the next week (it’s his time management), no matter what has to be killed or who is online. I also do have a character, so I can see what kinds of things he does (so we can talk about it sometimes, and he is more willing to learn about my hobbies). However I am not a gamer, but I think it’s healthy for married couples to have hobbies both together and apart.

Aria March 10, 2009, 12:46 AM

I am a female who works in a video game store. I see hundreds of men coming in to sell their game systems with a sad look in their eye with an angry looking wife behind them. Usually I side with the husband, but today I side with you. Sounds to me like you have a husband with an addiction problem, be happy it isn’t alcohol. But an addiction is an addiction. I have to admit I would take his wallet, car keys, hide the games and systems, and do an intervention. Don’t be cruel about it. Get to the root of the problem, cause every addiction has a reason. Screaming and crying and cusing is good, but uh… might want a few friends around. My boyfriend was seriously addicted to video games and I had to pull the same thing. There was a lot of shouting and such until the real problem finally made itself known. He did it as a defense to drive out his mother who is the biggest nag known to North America. As soon as she started talking, out came the video games. She couldn’t take the cursing and gore and left the room. So when we had difficult things to talk about he automatically played a video game, except that it didn’t affect me. Give him a choice. You and less video games (cause tell him no video games and that’s not a compromise) or as much video games as he wants and no wife. if he chooses option 2, then he seriously needs some help. It’s been years since my fight, now while he plays video games I read a book or play right along with him. In return he’s starting going to the library with me AND I DIDN’T EVEN ASK!!! I hope and pray your problem gets solved.

Siaarn March 10, 2009, 4:33 AM

It’s just a game, have you tried.. you know, TALKING to him about it? I’m sure if you talk to him about it he’ll spend less time playing it, or play it at more appropriate times.. Though, it really is an addictive game series, it’s my favorite. Also, lol, stuck on the bridge? He can’t play for crap XD

Jamie March 10, 2009, 10:02 AM

Seriously your making too much of a big deal out of this. Yeah guys can get a little addicted to games but thats no bad thing. All console games have an end (well 99.9%) so when he gets to the end he will have a massive sense of achievment and will want to share that with you. Its just a guys way of thinking compared to a girls way of thinking. The guy is thinking ‘hmm im having fun playing on this game, i think ill play it alot!’ and women being women instantly think men are trying to ignore them, this isnt the case. Men just need these things to distract them for a while. So why force someone to give up something they love that isnt actually harming anyone? Why dont you just sit reading a book next to him and point out where he could try going next so he doesnt feel like your ignoring him?

Helen March 10, 2009, 3:35 PM

Hey, the lady shouldn’t blame Zelda! Blame the husband. That’s all if have to say. ZELDA ROCKS!!!

graciem March 10, 2009, 4:26 PM

I have a husband who is addicted to what the hell ever first person shooter game that comes out. I have tried to learn about the games and I have tried to play. I’m not very good, plus the games really stress me out and make me nervous, so joining in isn’t working. Not to mention that he “kills me” repeatedly and laughs about it. Plus, I had to grow up. When I get up and have to go to work before he does only to come home to find him lounging on the couch, controller in hand wondering what’s for dinner, I want to set fire to the whole entertainment system.
I have a life so I’m not going to sit around and help him with his dumb game—he plays each one over and over on all skill levels, etc. Instead, I’ll be out reading, writing and talking with real people in person.
I understand needing hobbies and/or stress relievers, but when anything takes up more of your free time than any human I think there’s a problem.

Miss Widow Fingers March 11, 2009, 6:53 AM

My husband overdosed on videogames, he was bed ridden for days with square eyes and lost the use of his fingers.

So we went to switzerland and I had him put down.

I now date super mario full time and he is going up my pipe like nobodys buisness and it drives me wild.

Hope my advice helps!

Yours truly,
Princess Zelda


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