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My Husband's Having an Affair with Zelda

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Zelda is not a woman ... it's a video game, and though it may seem silly, I swear this affair is for real.

Husband plays video game while annoyed wife watches behind

It's a fantasy,  a de-stresser, it's his favorite thing to do on a Friday night (and every other night, too)! No, it's not sex, it's Zelda, the video game, and like a real affair, it's highly addictive. He figures out ways to manipulate "her," he spends hours dissecting what strategy he should apply next to get to know her better and when she's there, he barely pays attention to me. We used to go out and grab dinner on a Friday or Saturday night. Now? He's got a date ... with Zelda.

It gets worse: While in the hospital for a minor procedure, my husband drove me home and reminded me I had to be on "bed rest", meaning in the bedroom, not on the couch: "The doctor said bed rest, honey," he said earnestly. "Oh okay, if I lay on the couch for two days, it's really the same as being in the bed." "No," he said, "you have to be in bed." Then I figured it out ... he wanted the living room so he could sneak in a little video game time.

The other day, I reached the end of my rope. I came home from work, he was in deep concentration mode -- I mean, you would have thought he was playing in the US Open Zelda championship or something. "Hi, honey!" I said, and walked over to give him a kiss. "Ugh. I've been stuck on the bridge for hours, babe, not now." That was it. I thought of some things I could do, like hide the game, put a dent in it, scratch it or just throw it away, but then he would just run to the store and buy another one. I'm hoping, like most affairs, this one will eventually fizzle. But that better hurry, because I'm starting to find some hobbies of my own. While they'll never replace him, I might just give him a taste of his own medicine and be gone playing with my new hobby ... my tennis instructor!



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64 comments so far | Post a comment now
Navi March 11, 2009, 2:35 PM

ummm… just learn a little more about Zelda, and join him. i used to be the navigator, back when zelda first came out and i was a little kid. i couldn’t play at all, but i could give them all the secrets i read in the strategy guide.
then i played the game. i love it. my husband can’t get me off zelda (ocarina of time). i can’t get him off halo 3 and now, halo wars. so we give each other time to play. sometimes i watch him, sometimes he watches me. i always ask about his game play. he doesn’t ask about mine, but i tell him anyways. it’s pretty cool when both of u r into games.
just… get into a game. if zelda isn’t your thing, try a pc game. i love rollercoaster tycoon more than i thought i would. also, there’s Age of Empires, which is a very good strategy game (the original game Halo wars is ripping off from) and it teaches something about history, and language. never knew what a paladin was before that game. pretty cool game.

Chel March 11, 2009, 9:03 PM

Hahahahahahahahaha.

You women and your issues with games…why not just join in? People say that men don’t want us playing with them, but that’s completely false. Why not get something both of you can play, like Rock Band//Guitar Hero, or other kind of multiplayer games. It’s not that hard. And if he is addicted, don’t just complain about it - go talk to him or someone else and see if something can be done about it. Maybe he’s bored and doesn’t know what else to do and only finds pleasure in his games now.

It isn’t too bad for him to be playing video games, but it is bad if he won’t do anything except them - then you know it’s an addiction. Otherwise, if it’s just a couple hours a day, he’s fine. You really shouldn’t be too worried about it - the more you act silly about it, the more he’s going to want to get away from it and back to a game where no one nags at him all the time.

William March 13, 2009, 10:11 AM

Well we all have our “hobbies”, I mananaged to get my wife hooked on Zelda, I buy the games and shes finishes them. sigh

Nicole March 17, 2009, 8:18 PM

Can I have your husband then? :3

cindy April 3, 2009, 2:29 AM

I have the WoW problem with the hubby. He has made us late for events and appointments. So now I give him a 5 minute warning to turn the game off if he has been on it forever. If he doesn’t turn it off then I’ll shut off the breaker to the entire house. That’s kinda bad on his computer so I have only had to do it once to get his attention. It is kinda mean but what do you do?

Jackie April 6, 2009, 4:53 PM

Advice to all you women out there if your man is looking into getting world of warcraft your relationship may be over as soon as he can hit download! There is no end to the game….

Jill April 23, 2009, 10:27 AM

Eh, depends on how serious the situation is. If he plays because he truly enjoys it, thinks it’s more fun than watching chick flicks on DVD but isn’t totally addicted, join him. My boyfriend used to play about 4 hours of Red Alert and Command & Conquer a day, until I decided I wanted to play (on his machine). Then it turned into about 2 hours of play a day and 2 hours of watching me play. It was actually quite sweet.

Janettee May 19, 2009, 9:53 AM

Well, that sucks… But it could be worse. My ex was so obsessed with anime that he had over 500 videos, several books, etc.. (Most actually in foreign languages)… He liked anime porn, talked to girls on IM with anime porn names and photos… Played anime trading games with kids. Got arrested for stealing anime trading cards when my son was 2 mos old. I divorced him.

Ellen August 17, 2009, 10:02 AM

my spouse may be having an affair

Liars_digest_is_it September 12, 2009, 3:33 PM

Princess Zelda usually only appears for about 5% of any Legend of Zelda game.. she’s a background figure, mysterious regal & unattainable. So excuse me if I find tales of “ways to manipulate her” or strategies of “getting to know her better” utterly baseless. The majority of time is focused on Link, a mute elf male. Either he’s lying, or you are!

anon September 25, 2009, 7:32 PM

We all need our vices to make life enjoyable

Anonymous September 25, 2009, 7:34 PM

Oh no, the shrew is sad that all attention isn’t focused on her. Oh darn, he won’t spend more money on you, like a prostitute. God forbid that a married man finds a HOBBY. As you hinted at in this article, you don’t have a hobby, and maybe you should get one. Or hell, try getting involved in what he’s interested in. If he’s playing it a little too much, try compromising. Or, nevermind, just cheat on him, so he can get out of being married to you, and maybe go find a hot gamer chick.

anon September 25, 2009, 7:49 PM

this robot has a point

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wow September 25, 2009, 8:09 PM

Holy cow. I have just stumbled onto this article. WOW, I am a man, I play video games. I have a significant other, she plays video games also. You guys are NUTS. Most of you wish some kind of harm to “the one you love” because of a video game? A VIDEO GAME. You would want to cheat, on your man because he plays a video game. This site, and article is reDONKulous. Have any of you ever thought that maybe your husbands, boyfriends, whatever might play just to escape. To forget about, their problems. Yes, some people take things TOO FAR, like video game addiction, OR 5rewed someone else! does it really pain you guys that much that you want to rip their soul out. WOW, you guys are vindictive. Think that you and your husbands need therapy TOGETHER! Something is not right. CHEATING, really, REALLY?!?!?! How would you feel if your husband was tired of you scrapbooking all the time he went out a 5crewed his secretary. You were SCRAPBOOKING not 5crewing your best friend in front of you. Jeez you women are 5crewed up in the head, your logic is backwards.

lolwut September 25, 2009, 8:34 PM

You do you control a GUY in Legend of Zelda right? You have almost no interaction with Zelda, she is just the damsel in distress.

Antheria September 25, 2009, 8:57 PM


I’m sorry, I really don’t understand you.
I find it understandable, as a gaming child whose family recently became a gaming family, that after spending a lot of time stuck on a certain part of a level one would be frustrated. So when he’s frustrated he’s supposed to be sunshine and candycanes when you get home? You’ve never blown him off when you were annoyed about something? I find that hard to believe, personally.

I think you need to be more tolerant. I might be a little naive here due to my young age but you don’t appear to have made any attempt to see why exactly he feels the need to spend so much time on his games. You don’t even seem to have noticed that the main character in every single game is a man called Link, and that Zelda appears in the game as a goal for you to work towards, despite your claims that your husband is always on Zelda. If that were so, surely you would have noticed something about the game.

I’m not a Zelda fan, finding the games a tad boring for my tastes, but I can completely understand your husband’s point of view.
Also, to all commenters, WoW isn’t addictive, its just that most have nothing better to do, myself included.


Anonymous September 25, 2009, 9:16 PM

You know it could be much, much worse, think of women out there that have alcoholic husbands, husbands that cheat on their spouse, or God forbid beat their spouse. I think having somthing as minor as wanting to play games is trivial, so lighten up and find yourself some hobbies. Oh and tying to compare his video games to your “tennis instructor” is garbage, I think you’d feel 10x worse if he was cheating around on you—-just my 2 cents

Michi September 25, 2009, 9:25 PM

Ok first things first to stephanie, MMORPGs are not the devil. They are addicting if you let them get that way. The thing is there’s so much to do if you really get into it that keeps you on for hours. I would know I’ve played WoW and did nearly everything. I got closer to my boy friend on WoW by doing things with him. Doesn’t hurt to play it with them. I know allot of couples on MMOs that are closer because of it.
Ok as to the article, try talking to him. Any good Zelda game takes time and draws you in. Or you could play with him and spend time with him that way. Also, um the person you control in Zelda games is not Zelda, it’s Link; a guy. And how can you have an affair with an none living thing?

Anonymous January 16, 2010, 1:51 PM

Zelda is a women, but Link is not


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