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Dear All Non-Pregnant People in My Life ...

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Guest Blogger Mommy2b: Dear sis, BFF, mom, husband ... and everyone else,

Pregnant woman

I am so glad you're so glad that I'm pregnant. It's funny really, you're almost more excited than me! Listen, I know you "really really really" wanna come to every doctor's appointment with me, but the thing is, the last time you came with me, you sent me text messages every minute reminding me to "eat my snack" and "drink my milk" and "get my rest" and "take it easy at the gym like the doctor said."  It's as if I wasn't sitting in that same appointment with you!

About that: Should I invite you to come to my doctor's appointments with me -- and know I am SO excited you're so excited --  please do not try to pay the nurse off to find out the sex of our baby. Walking out with my file isn't going to work either. Really, it's cute and everything, but when I went back for a follow-up visit, everyone was whispering and snickering. Me and his/her daddy decided we would make our baby's sex a surprise, and we'd like to keep it that way. Capiche?

Now about the sex: Did you know that it's the year 2009 already?! These days, both boys AND girls wear blue and pink and even yellow, green, white and orange! Can you believe it? When picking presents for the baby -- which is so so nice of you BTW -- you no longer just have to choose between blue and pink! Pfew. What a relief! PS: Do you think that a 1-week-old baby knows the difference between pink, blue or yellow? Nahhhhh.

That said. Color. I know you "really really really" hate the sage green we painted the baby's room. I know you wanted ... pink ... or blue, but didn't you have the opportunity to paint your kids' rooms the color you wanted when you became a mom? I would love love love the opportunity to paint our baby's room the color we want, even though it "reminds you of snot."

Speaking of our baby's room ... Did you notice I said "Our baby?" It's so funny, because every time we talk about the baby, you say "my baby," as if it's yours! Ha ha. Didya get confused? Let me remind you: YOU are the aunt, grandparent, god parent, and I am the parent. 

Parenting. I haven't even begun to think about it, so all the things you're telling me I should and shouldn't do, like not send them to daycare before they're a year old or potty train before three, or let them sleep with a sound machine, they go in one ear and out the other. The only thing I am thinking of right now is how I'm possibly going to get through pushing this baby out of me, to which, of course, you responded "Ew, it is SO disgusting you are considering having your child born at home. In your own bed? I would never do that!" Well again. I'm not you. These are my choices. My choices. My choices. 

Choice is a funny thing. Cause when we went to yoga together the other day, you kept telling me "You can't do that pose, you should absolutely not be doing downward facing dog," "Are you sure you can do a sit up??" It kind of kept me from relaxing, which is what yoga is all about, ya know? Funny thing sis, you've never even been pregnant, so how do you know? I didn't realize you were a doctor.

Doctors. My doc has told me what to eat and how much to exercise and what kind of prenatals I should take, but she hasn't told me what to wear ... That's apparently where you come in. I know you don't like it when I unsnap my jeans in public, but I just wanna be comfy. So please, rather than telling me, "Boy! You really should be wearing pregnancy clothes by now!" just let my belly hang over my pants. Also, telling me that I am looking big? Not a great idea right now. K?

My pants. My baby. My belly. My parenting skills. My pregnancy.

I love you all. But please ...


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25 comments so far | Post a comment now
jackie March 13, 2009, 11:36 AM

SOOOOOOO TRUE! OMG! I think probably every mom can relate to this!

lol

Anonymous March 13, 2009, 12:20 PM

I am not even out of my 1st trimeseter and I’ve received the following advice:
-You need to decide on a parenting style
-You need to baby proof your home (my baby harely has hands yet)
-Labor hurts (duh).

sick of it March 13, 2009, 12:25 PM

Wow, you sound like someone who I would not like to hang around. Is it that hard to tell someone to back off?

Anonymous March 13, 2009, 3:13 PM

Don’t intend to read your blog anymore…wow.

chris March 13, 2009, 3:58 PM

It seems to me that all of these people are just trying to be helpful…yes you get a lot of advice when you’re pregant but try and remember that these same people who are driving you crazy now are the same people who you hope when babysit and give you a break when you need it.

Jen DC March 13, 2009, 4:41 PM

Sister, this is exactly the reason I’m afraid to get pregnant: My big mouth family, doubting Thomas family! It’s constant harping about how I do my hair, what I cook, the music I listen to, the men I date… I can only imagine if I tried to introduce a baby into that picture. Here’s how I think it would go:

What is all this organic cotton? Regular cotton was good enough for you and for me; it’s good enough for this baby too. What? We fed you rice cereal and it didn’t make *you* throw up more. Are you sure the paint is lead-free? Are you sterilizing the bottles right? Those high heels are too high; you’re 6 months pregnant! You know, you should consider naming the baby “Ernest” after your grandfather. I think I want a second opinion about that discharge. I put your vitamins in this special dispenser! It looks just like mine so we can take our medicine at the same time and think of each other! I went out and bought this layette with the butterflies because I love butterflies so much. But you’re going to have to redo that zoo mural because butterflies don’t live in the zoo!

Ad nauseam. Girl, you’re doing the right thing: Set them straight from jump. You appreciate the help, but unless you specifically ask for advice, please, everyone, shut the hell up and let the pregnant lady enjoy herself.

Lola March 13, 2009, 5:11 PM

I thought it was hilarious,
I laughed the whole time I was reading it!

p.s.
I’m SO happy for you…teehee

Stephanie March 13, 2009, 5:22 PM

Yes!!! I’m going through the same thing! My friends, who have no medical training and who’ve never researched any of this, regale me with myths about things I should & should not be doing now that I’m pregnant. What rubs me the wrong way is that they assume I haven’t already looking in to that. For the last two years I’ve been researching what pregnant women should & should not do and I’ve verified it all with my doctor and my midwife. Some pregnancy myths just will not die!

Natasha March 13, 2009, 5:24 PM

Wow I sure hope you are not serious. If not, that’s just sad. All anyone wants to do is just help out and I feel bad for your family having to deal with you being ungrateful.

shalay March 13, 2009, 7:35 PM

I’ve never even been pregnant, but I feel for you! I’ve told people that when I’m pregnant I don’t want to know the sex of the baby, only to be met with a look of disgust and, “You’re crazy. How will you know how to decorate and how will you have a baby shower?” Um, I’m pretty sure people have lived thousands of years not finding out their babies’ gender and the world didn’t end. What does it matter what the gender is anyway, as long as the baby is healthy.

Oh, I also get rude comments when I speak of wanting to have a home or water birth with a mid-wife. I’m a smart person. I do research. Maybe some of these people should as well. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Karen S March 13, 2009, 7:55 PM

I think a factor all of us need to keep in mind is hormones. Mamas-to-be may be completely functional and rational most of the time, but they are suffused with awesome hormones that might make them a SKOSH sensitive to people who imply (intentionally or not) that they are already bad parents. Even though I was a remarkably placid pregnant lady (out of character for me), I know that it’s different for most ladies. I will cut a preggo slack on just about everything. That being said — and I do feel for the mamas-to-be here — I’m not going to stop speaking my mind just because you’re pregnant. Just as you are free to tell me to stuff it, I am free to state my opinion. I still love you, you gender-neutral-painting, water-birthing hippie. :D

Anonymous March 13, 2009, 9:46 PM

i’m not pregnant now but… my first labour, wasn’t hurt donno why… i just try to relax as much as i can.. relax and go with it.. the more relax the less pain, that’s so true….. it wasn’t painful and was easy…

becca March 13, 2009, 10:34 PM

That’s too true about all the parenting advice. It’s all pointless. I have a one-year-old and I make desicions on an as-needed basis. How can you think about potty-training when you’re still pregnant? I can’t even think ahead to that with my kid who is one! One day at a time, lol.

My advice would be to be informed,read up, but have no expectations of what you will do. Take is as it comes. And ignore all the advice.

Mon March 14, 2009, 11:01 AM


I think people need to just let a pregnant girl rant. Sure it it may rub people the wrong way a bit, but come on give her a break and just take it. She loves you all, but please shut your trap for her sake and let her enjoy this monumental time in her life!

All you ever need to say to a pregnant woman is, you are Beautiful and I’m here for you!

Oh and..
I had my second child at home, and it was amazing! No beeping of stupid machines, or a thousand nurses you don’t know coming in and out, or the smell, and all the other things that go along with germ infested hospitals.

Jenny March 14, 2009, 11:41 AM

“you’ve never been pregnant before.” Harsh.

Michelle@Everyday Celebrating March 14, 2009, 5:58 PM

Even though I was pregnant 2 years ago, I remember feeling the exact.same.way like it was yesterday. And now, I try really hard to keep my big mouth shut and LISTEN to my pregnant friends and encourage them in THEIR choices. Hope yours turn around!

JoJo March 14, 2009, 6:11 PM

This same lady would be complaining if no one gave a crap about her pregnancy.

Anonymous March 19, 2009, 1:26 PM

OMG, lighten up.

Stephanie May 23, 2009, 11:19 PM

Sometimes its important to put your foot down and let them know “what is up”. You tell them girl!!

Anonymous June 17, 2009, 11:16 AM

WHO EVER WOULD POST”DEAR NON-PREGNANT PERSON”!!!
GROW UP! AND LEARN TO APPRECIATE AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT CARE ENOUGH TO BE THERE WITH ADVICE AND HELP EVEN THOU YOU DONT DESERVE IT.THIS IS THE RUDEST LETTER I HAVE EVER READ!!! MOTHER OF FOUR AND GLAD I DIDNT GIVE BIRTH TO YOU!!SANDY


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