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Rihanna, We're Worried About You

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Two moms write an open letter to Rihanna.


Rachel Sarah and Dr. Leah at If you haven't yet heard, Rihanna, the "Umbrella" star, has reportedly forgiven R&B singer Chris Brown after he allegedly beat her following a pre-Grammy Awards party in Hollywood on February 8.

When we saw the shocking pictures leaked by TMZ -- showing her facial injuries -- we looked away.

Following the assault, Rihanna reportedly stayed with Chris at Sean "Diddy" Combs' home in Florida -- and they flew back to LA together.

And now, prosecutors have just charged Brown with two felonies, including assault and making criminal threats. While it will be more difficult if Rihanna chooses not to participate in the case, the LA County DA has decided to move forward.

So, here's our plea to Rihanna:

Dear Rihanna,

We empathize with any woman -- or man -- who has been a victim of intimate partner violence.

We're sorry that this has happened to you.

We know that victims of intimate partner violence suffer more than physical injury. Abusers need to feel in charge of the relationship. Humiliation, isolation, and intimidation are ways abusers seek power and control.

The media attention and constant speculation must make your situation especially difficult.

We understand that you are only 21 years old.

Of course, we hope that you focus on your own needs and keep yourself safe and sane.

But, frankly, with fame comes responsibility: our kids are watching your every move intently.

Reuniting with Chris Brown sends the clear message that you plan to forgive and forget the violence inflicted on you and stay with Chris.

As it stands, your message to your legion of "tween" fans is this: if a boy hits or punches you, it's really okay as long as the guy says he's sorry and treats you nicely on your birthday.

Say what? For many of our kids, this is their first exposure to intimate partner violence, and they're taking it pretty hard.

We're asking you: what do we tell our kids who are upset and worried about you?

We're very concerned that this was not the first violent incident -- and it won't be the last.


When it was announced that you were back with Chris Brown, a young man on Twitter asked, "Do we have another Whitney tragedy in the making?"

Doesn't it scare you even a little bit that many of your fans foresee inevitable tragedy?

As experts, we know that abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They blame their abusive and violent behavior on an unhappy childhood, a career setback, and even on the victims of their abuse.

We're worried that you're back with Chris Brown because he has managed to convince you that what happened was your own fault.

Likely, Chris is on his best behavior -- for now. This incident has cost him big time.

He has been dropped from the advertising campaigns for Wrigley's gum and the Milk Mustache. His advisers fear that his career could be devastated, if Chris is found guilty.

Your spokesman refused to comment on reports that you are pregnant.

Please listen to us.

Los Angeles has many highly qualified psychologists with specialized training and experience working with women who have been victimized by intimate partner violence.

Find someone with whom you feel comfortable and can trust to help you sort out what has happened. Don't allow anyone to convince you that a Dr. Phil interview or other media "tell-all" is going to help you.

It won't. It will just exploit you further.

Plainly said, please get the psychological help you need to survive.

We care about what happens to you.


Are you with us here? Sound off in the momlogic community.

next: Sex in Schools Article Angers Parents
37 comments so far | Post a comment now
Meghanne March 5, 2009, 3:00 PM

While I agree with all the comments on the community page, I have to say I think we’re all understating the most important issue: Rihanna’s fans don’t matter to her right now, not with regard to this incident. Your private life will always be your private life, even when it’s public.

The psychological effect abusers have on their partners completely clears the mind of the abused. Yes, Chris does have to be pretty good at validating his violent actions, but that means he’s good at validating ALL of his actions. It’s more than likely that Rihanna can’t get out of bed without his permission, he has so successfully made himself the ruler of her world.

I am glad that we all are stressing her need to get help for the sake of herself, but we also need to understand that, right now, she cannot begin to imagine what to say to her fans because no one is involved in this issue but Chris and herself—if she is concerned with herself at all.

It is our responsibility, in the meantime, to decide what to say to the teens who look up to her. We should be talking to them about this, anyway, and we can make some good come out of this, because when we use her as an example, we can explain what happens to victims of both physical and emotional abuse.

I can’t deny that I was moved by this letter, but it occurs to me that maybe the appropriate recipients would be the teens we so need to hear it—and they’re more likely to listen than Rihanna is.

Meghanne Phillips

michelle March 5, 2009, 4:00 PM

why are u back with chris brown if he hit u?

TT March 5, 2009, 10:00 PM

The title of this is “Rihanna We’re Worried About You”

but it should be,

“We’re worried about how our kids will perceive what happened to you.”

False Sympathy is worse than indifference.

Chrissy March 5, 2009, 10:37 PM

I agree TT.
There’s been so much rumors on this that until they show up in public together, I’ll not believe that they are back together.
After all, his camp said she started hitting him first. Gossip sites “reported” that she wasn’t coopearting with the police. etc.
Also, this sounds like her first big love and that’s always hard to give up. So lets give her her space and hear from her BEFORE we condemn this young women for being a bad role model.

Rachel March 6, 2009, 9:22 AM

CHRISSY: …FIRT OF ALL, as a fellow victim of Domestic Violence…THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN!!! NONE! It does not matter if she hit him first.(

Now that I have vented about that…time for work.

Sarai March 6, 2009, 2:28 PM

We need to remember that a domestic violent victim does not think with a clear mind as we who see their situation from afar. They are right smack in the middle of the storm and their one and only priority is survival. If they are lucky to eventually step away from it, it take take years for them to go back to any sort of normalcy. Awareness, all types of support (moral and financial)and most especially prayers are all great ways to be there for victims of domestic violence but criticizing them is exactly how their self-esteem began to take a fall. I urge everyone of us to please see this as a situation we need to be proactive on to not only bring awareness on this issue but to make progress. We certainly don’t want to have another Nicole Brown Simpson situation on our hands and regress.

Anonymous March 15, 2009, 11:57 AM


DAKOTA FAINNING March 15, 2009, 12:03 PM

why are you sitle going out with chirsbrown he is goig to abouse again and again.if you dont brake up i think your going to lose your fans

Святослав March 25, 2009, 3:29 PM

Да уж, автор этого блога на самом деле добрый и отзывчивый человек. Спасибо :)

Арсений April 1, 2009, 6:46 PM

Блин… По настоящему красиво написано! Все это так знакомо…и правдиво!

Константин April 11, 2009, 10:02 AM

А интересно, а сам автор читает комментарии к этому сообщению. Или мы тут сами для себя пишем? :)

myukaht April 23, 2009, 9:51 AM

Все-таки реально нравится мне Ваш блог. Всегда интересно читать, включая и эту тему. :)

Вилор May 19, 2009, 5:58 AM

+1 к предыдущему комменту :)

Xray May 28, 2009, 11:33 AM

Премного благодарен за инфу, почитал с интересом

Илья June 13, 2009, 9:44 AM

Что-то у меня в Опере дизайн вашего блога расползается…

Xимeнa June 16, 2009, 8:07 PM

Спасибо. Давно такое искал :)

Zuvpffia June 23, 2009, 6:39 AM

PWzn5s comment6 ,

buy diazepam December 1, 2010, 3:46 PM

What did you do, just say whatever it is you wanted to make people mad?! You cant just say something like that and not give any backup for it! Youve got to at least give me a reason to think that you know what youre talking about, otherwise, you just sound like some kid with a grudge!

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