Two moms write an open letter to Rihanna.
Rachel Sarah and Dr. Leah at Singlemommyhood.com: If you haven't yet heard, Rihanna, the "Umbrella" star, has reportedly forgiven R&B singer Chris Brown after he allegedly beat her following a pre-Grammy Awards party in Hollywood on February 8.
When we saw the shocking pictures leaked by TMZ -- showing her facial injuries -- we looked away.
And now, prosecutors have just charged Brown with two felonies, including assault and making criminal threats. While it will be more difficult if Rihanna chooses not to participate in the case, the LA County DA has decided to move forward.
So, here's our plea to Rihanna:
We empathize with any woman -- or man -- who has been a victim of intimate partner violence.
We're sorry that this has happened to you.
We know that victims of intimate partner violence suffer more than physical injury. Abusers need to feel in charge of the relationship. Humiliation, isolation, and intimidation are ways abusers seek power and control.
The media attention and constant speculation must make your situation especially difficult.
We understand that you are only 21 years old.
Of course, we hope that you focus on your own needs and keep yourself safe and sane.
But, frankly, with fame comes responsibility: our kids are watching your every move intently.
Reuniting with Chris Brown sends the clear message that you plan to forgive and forget the violence inflicted on you and stay with Chris.
As it stands, your message to your legion of "tween" fans is this: if a boy hits or punches you, it's really okay as long as the guy says he's sorry and treats you nicely on your birthday.
Say what? For many of our kids, this is their first exposure to intimate partner violence, and they're taking it pretty hard.
We're asking you: what do we tell our kids who are upset and worried about you?
We're very concerned that this was not the first violent incident -- and it won't be the last.
When it was announced that you were back with Chris Brown, a young man on Twitter asked, "Do we have another Whitney tragedy in the making?"
Doesn't it scare you even a little bit that many of your fans foresee inevitable tragedy?
As experts, we know that abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They blame their abusive and violent behavior on an unhappy childhood, a career setback, and even on the victims of their abuse.
We're worried that you're back with Chris Brown because he has managed to convince you that what happened was your own fault.
Likely, Chris is on his best behavior -- for now. This incident has cost him big time.
He has been dropped from the advertising campaigns for Wrigley's gum and the Milk Mustache. His advisers fear that his career could be devastated, if Chris is found guilty.
Your spokesman refused to comment on reports that you are pregnant.
Please listen to us.
Los Angeles has many highly qualified psychologists with specialized training and experience working with women who have been victimized by intimate partner violence.
Find someone with whom you feel comfortable and can trust to help you sort out what has happened. Don't allow anyone to convince you that a Dr. Phil interview or other media "tell-all" is going to help you.
It won't. It will just exploit you further.
Plainly said, please get the psychological help you need to survive.
We care about what happens to you.
Are you with us here? Sound off in the momlogic community.
|Rachel Sarah, a.k.a. "Single Mom Seeking," blogs at SingleMomSeeking.com and co-founded SingleMommyHood.com, the first-ever website to offer "a whole new way to think about single parenting."|