Single and Pregnant ... So??

Single and Pregnant ... So??

Monday, March 23, 2009

filed under: family

Naila: I'm single and pregnant. Translated, that means, not married, one name on my lease. And no, the father didn't bronze my pee stick. He's my hot friend that I've slept with here and there, heavy emphasis on the here and there, for the last fourteen years. We tried the traditional dating and never lasted for more than a month, yet have a definite bond that everyone else talks about even when we've been oblivious. The morning after the night of the "deed" (feel free to insert a more graphic term suitable to your imagination and taste) I called him and informed him that we had to cease and desist (aka no more nookie nookie). He agreed and I called my best friend, excited that we finally had agreed to leave each other alone.

A few weeks later the flashing preggers appeared on the digital stick. Contrary to what you might think up to this point, I don't advise single parenthood as a first choice. Any mother will tell you motherhood is a dual position in an optimum environment. Going it alone requires a measure of insanity and fortitude not easily found in the female population, but readily available within me.

15 weeks into this pregnancy, everything has been ideal. My emotions are constant and cheerful -- thanks now to my love of everything food. Especially ranch dressing. I talk to the dad a little more often now, even discussing names and parenting styles. We don't hate each other and he will be a present father, dare I say, a wonderful dad.

I'm not bothered by the stares or the silences that come with my announcement or the lack of real joy because of my single status. I'm 40 and thankfully haven't worried too much about public opinion since tenth grade when I dropped the baton during the state championships in the 4 x 400 relay. My exuberance doesn't mean I lack fear or sadness, it only conveys what my mom has always told me.

"What you feel is most of what you are."

And I feel blessed.

Even single and pregnant.

38 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Some of us just consider unwed mothers to be painfully tacky.

- ame i.

Posted 03/23/09 09:43 AM

I consider your comment painfully tacky. Get a life.

- Amy

Posted 03/23/09 10:27 AM

Congrats Nalia. It’s a blessing to be pregnant. Trust me, there are literally millions of women trying to conceive and cant. Thank you for sharing your story.

- Gigohead

Posted 03/23/09 10:37 AM

I have nothing against single moms. Just don’t expect special treatment because of your status; you chose it.

- Anonymous

Posted 03/23/09 11:06 AM

I never have understood why some find it completely acceptable to be so disdainful of single mothers… What the hell is “tacky” about pregnancy?? Is aborting more classy?? Even with the best laid plans and circumstances, we can ALL become single mothers. Be careful of the stones you throw lest they come back and hit you. Love and blessings to the three of you Naila… -Danielle

- Danielle

Posted 03/23/09 12:41 PM

Pregnancy is a blessing no matter if you are single or married. You have a great attitude, a plan, and the drive to be the best mom you can. Nothing “tacky” about that. Congrats.

- Courtney

Posted 03/23/09 01:16 PM

As a single mother (doing it on her own for a VERY different reason than you - but don’t we all have different reasons and circumstances, really?), I applaud you for your post. Just know that there will be loser haters out there… be strong and know that you are doing what is best for you (in your circumstances) and your child. and create a support network, because that will be the most important thing you can have, especially with an absent “sperm donor”. (some of the best mommy friends i have now I made in prenatal yoga - others i know found them in prenatal education or on due date boards). Props to you, Naila. And stay strong!

- jess

Posted 03/23/09 01:31 PM

Congratulations. I was a single mom and never cared what anyone thought about it. I didn’t plan to be a single mom, it just sort of turned out that way. And having my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Embrace the miracle and don’t let anyone take that from you. God Bless you and your miracle.

- Melissa

Posted 03/23/09 01:34 PM

Personally I think it’s foolhardy to be single and pregnant, but hey whatever, stuff happens. Hopefully you won’t be on welfare when all is said and done.

- Gail Cooke

Posted 03/23/09 01:53 PM

I agree with “Anon” … . but I will say one thing, getting pupped while single isn’t a crime but it isn’t exactly the “best” thing either. I sincerely hope the father sticks around and that everything goes well for you.

- SesshoumarusGirl

Posted 03/23/09 02:06 PM

Gail; Thanks..you will be happy to know I am gainfully employed and have never accepted a dime of welfare, but for the mothers that have, and actually need it. don’t let small minds like hers deter you from your path.. gail you sound a wee bit bitter, but it’s okay, happiness in others has a way of bring out the misery in miserable folks! Thanks to all for the positive and for those without..thanks too! your misunderstanding makes me stronger! Naila

- naial

Posted 03/23/09 02:08 PM

First, I’m not in a position to be trowing stones because my dad’s parents had a “shotgun wedding” about three months before he was born. I just wanted to note that I was glad to see that you consider having a male provider around the ideal and to be single and pregnant no more than second best.

- ivar

Posted 03/23/09 02:08 PM

Naial: I’m not bitter, I have nothing to be bitter about. I know a lot of women who are single parents who’ve never had a husband and are better off for it. I’m just saying that the American Welfare system has enough problems dealing with the overabundance of users, whether it be for vailid reasons or not. I personally don’t care either way if you’re single..I do care that a person has a means to support the child as poverty begets poverty. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that situation.

- Gail Cooke

Posted 03/23/09 02:15 PM

Gail… Why would you assume that she may require welfare? You may not be bitter but you are surely guilty of being presumptuous… You may want to use an “Ignorance Check” before you post your next comment.

- Danielle

Posted 03/23/09 02:29 PM

Danielle: I didn’t say she was going on welfare…I said I hope she doesn’t.

- Gail Cooke

Posted 03/23/09 02:36 PM

I have alot to say but hopefully I’ll say just a little. hahahaha “Mother of Humanity, Mother of Civilization” Goddess Naila, Please continue to overlook the Comments of the ignorant and mis-educated!!! I believe that where ever we are that is where we are supposed to be. What ever we are doing that is what we are supposed to be doing!!! The Creating Energy Resides on Our Insides, WE are Children of the Sun and Our Purpose is to Populate this Planet that’s why Our Spirits lead us here. You read this please Say, “I AM that I AM” and believe in the energy with in YOU!!! :-) Can You hang with RealBlackTalk.com??? Black Is Infinite just like YOU!!! Tapping into Your Infinity? So You are Infinite, Can You be single???hmmmmm??? :-) Brother R.A.

- R.A.

Posted 03/23/09 02:39 PM

Assuming that being single and pregnant equals welfare is a tad bit ignorant..I come from a loving two parent family and in a perfect world that is what would be for every child, but I am amazed that married women assume their situation to be better simply due to martial status..being a good parent has nothing to do with your martial status.. and I don’t need a pat on the back or applause..anymore than a married woman does.

- Naila

Posted 03/23/09 02:42 PM

Naila, I’ve been following your posts for a while now (you took your older daughter to the Inauguration, yes?) I’m just here to send my blessings, too. As a single mom who also writes for MomLogic, I really look forward to reading more!

- single mom seeking

Posted 03/23/09 03:33 PM

So many things to discuss here. 1. Over half the population of marrying age is married. Yet when you look at the fathers of women receiving welfare, less than 20% of them are married to their child’s mother. So you can talk all you want about how being a single mother doesn’t mean you’ll be on welfare, but the statistics show that it increases the likelihood. It does not make on “ignorant,” Naila — it actually makes them informed. 2. I think the article is great. I think commenting on how single motherhood is “tacky” is low-class and inappropriate. I understand it — with all the Octomom rage about the government paying single mothers, regardless of how they got into the situation — but it’s still just low-class. 3. Naila: just because someone disagrees with you does not make them “miserable.” If you want others to not judge your behavior, then you might want to ease up on the judging yourself.

- Dave

Posted 03/23/09 03:54 PM

I’m a single father raising my daughter by myself and trying to flourish my career. I would not recommend this to anyone. The father says now he’s going to help out, but only time will tell. Get married to someone you love, can depend and then have children. There are too many broken homes and its really sad. You have a long and hard journey ahead of you. Keep good people around you and most importantly lean on God. -Peace

- Mel

Posted 03/23/09 03:55 PM