twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Single Moms' Open Letter to Married Moms

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

Straight talk for attached parents, from two single mothers ...

Woman looking up

Guest blogger Rachel Sarah and Dr. Leah Klungness: We are single moms who figured out a long time ago that our lives are immeasurably better if we can finesse at least a seemingly pleasant social relationship with our fellow mothers.

Particularly when you have young children, you're in it for the long haul with fellow mothers. High school graduation is at least a decade away, so cooperating with other moms is crucial as you try to nurture your kids' relationships with peers.

We're sure you agree, right?

This is why we're asking you for a bit of empathy and understanding.

Have you ever stopped to think how a single mom feels when you sing out over the din of kindergarten dismissal or the chaos of the soccer field:

"I'm a single mom this week! My husband is traveling, and I don't know HOW you do it!"

Talk about condescending! You're a single mom "this week"? Hello!

Maybe married moms are trying to find common ground as "buddies" -- or show a bit of empathy? -- but it just doesn't some across that way.

We feel you're snubbing us.

Your husband might be out of town for a few days, but he's still present. Your husband contributes to the household budget and occasionally makes dinner.

He kills willingly things with many legs residing under the kitchen sink, brings out the recycling after only being reminded once, puts the kids to bed, and takes you out on Friday nights.

Your 24/7 life is very different from ours.

That's why we're asking you for a bit of understanding. Could you please try to remember that single moms' lives are radically different from your own?

If you'd like to be friends, terrific. We'd love to, also. I'm sure we have many common interests, and we'd love to share some conversation.

But please don't pretend -- even for a second -- that you have any idea what it's like to be a single mom.

next: Birth on a Plane?! Try a Car!
26 comments so far | Post a comment now
married mom March 26, 2009, 2:24 PM

My sister is a single mom and I have ZERO sympathy for her. She was in a bad relationship with the father of her baby for years. My entire family tried to get her out of it but she likes bad boys. He even has an older son that he wouldn’t see for months and owed child support. He is also a sex offender and has been in jail many times. I got married and 1yr later had my first baby. So what did she want? a baby. She never used birth control and ended up pregnant. But after chasing down Trim Spa with colorado bulldogs she lost it. So he beat her. He made nice with her one year later she had a baby. And guess what he’s no one where to be found. She plays the poor me all of the damn time. She knew what she was getting into and she was proud of it too. She has a house that was never cleans and a kid that she she half a55 takes care of. Yet she puts me down for being able to stay home with my kids.

Jessie March 27, 2009, 9:12 AM

I’ve been both, so even though I’m a married mom now, I can definitely relate to the struggles of doing it alone.

Huwsmhpb June 23, 2009, 11:03 AM

c25OQz comment5 ,

janet7378 October 24, 2009, 9:20 PM

I agree with the author… is horrible bing a single mom…i have been alone now..(and i mean alone) no friends, no boyfriends, nothing but my kids and lonliness. When my husband left i had a nervous breakdown and lost my job & my house. I recently declared bankrupcy. I wish every day that i was still married. It is better in every way….I have absolutely no sex life, no social life, no money, and i really find it hard to feel good about anything..I feel so bad for my kids that their dad left us, and wish every day that I was able to give them a better life. I tried hard to date at first, as I wanted them to have a dad, but soon it became aparent that all men think like Amy, and use single moms as convenient sex toys….so for the last 4 years I have not attempted in any way to date. I feel sad that my kids have to bear the shame of it all, as I know very well that Amy speaks for many….people think badly of single moms weather they will admit it or not. I was married /common law for 17 years, but people all ask ” do they all have the same dad?”….of course they do, but its pointless to say that, I know their minds are made up already….It truely breaks my heart. Due to all of this I have very bad nerves, and find it almost impossible to work….after a while into a new job the stress of it all takes over and I lose it. If you are married thank your lucky stars….if you are single I can relate. It is lonely thankless finacially impossible and just wrong….I know this.

ella July 21, 2010, 8:52 PM

I’m a single mother, not a MARRIED single mother with a husband that does nothing but bring home a pay check. Married moms get off your high horse, if you’re hubby is useless then get rid of him and be a real single parent. i think a lot of you stay around for the pay check. try being the breadwinner for you and your kids, getting them to their sports, doctors appointments, stay home when their sick while missing a pay check. trying to figure out how to pay rent all at the sametime. You’re X? yeah you think they will give a crap that the kids were sick? nope because they will whine about child support they have to work so hard to give to you. oh yeah and you have to buy everything for the kids, make them dinner. yep i’d rather be a single mom then be married to a sugar daddy.

singleblessedmom July 27, 2010, 1:20 AM

I don’t know if it’s just me but it seems the article conveys a bit of bitterness. Being bitter is a choice we can all NOT choose. If you do, you wouldn’t see how blessed you truly are with your life. I chose to be a single mom for several reasons and I’m glad I did. I sympathize with all the other single moms out there ‘cos I know just how hard it is. I’m fortunate enough to have a supportive family who looks after my child while I work abroad to support her needs. Her daddy doesn’t chip in with the expenses although he sends her gifts and calls her every now and then. It’s better than nothing and I’m thankful for it. I do envy married moms and having a husband and a complete family is still something I pray for. In the meantime, I appreciate my life and my friends (be they single moms or married moms) and I’m grateful for everything that I have right now. With this attitude, I can only expect more blessings. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had it rough, too. I was operated twice for oral cancer while in a bad relationship with my daughter’s father. But I’ve put that all behind me now. After having gone through all that, what’s to complain? I have faith. Prayers do get answered.

Back to top >>