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My Friend Totally FLIRTS with My Husband!

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Here's the latest installment of the Friendship Court.

a woman flirting with a man and another one angry

Maureen from Charlotte, North Carolina writes: I need my day in court!! Jodi and I have been friends for twenty years. In fact, Jodi was my husband Rob's high school sweetheart ... and therein lies the problem. I have been happily married to Rob for 10 years. Jodi is married too (12 years) and we hang out a lot as couples. But recently, every time we are together as a foursome, she is openly flirtatious with Rob. She puts on this sex kitten voice and says things like, "Remember when we told our parents we were going on the senior trip, but we took that motel room and did everything but sleep there?"

She touches him and even sat on his lap for one story. It was funny the first time she wanted to stroll down memory lane, but I need to figure out how to put up a roadblock. She goes on and on. Rob squirms because he knows I hate this and, to my knowledge, he does nothing to encourage her. We both try politely getting her to stop and shut up but she ignores this and the visible steam that also comes out of her husband's head when she does this. I certainly do not want to hang out as couples anymore and I am losing all interest in Jodi even though there are other aspects of our friendship I like. What's your ruling?

Leslie Adler: Maureen: Jodi is guilty of reckless endangerment of a friendship! Clearly, she is dissatisfied in her own marriage and is looking back to better times ... which unfortunately, happened to be with your man. You need to communicate to her that she best back off. Tell her flirting and reminiscing with Rob about their sexual history is off limits if you two are to remain friends! But, as her friend of twenty years, I think you should tell her you recognize that perhaps there is "trouble in [her] paradise" that is causing her to behave this way and if there is anything you can do to help her to address her "present life" rather than stuff that happened in the past, you will try to be a friend to her.

Let us know how it goes, Maureen, and let's see what our fellow momlogic readers have to say about the topic in the Friendship Court!

next: The Great Toothbrush Debate
22 comments so far | Post a comment now
Your Sleepy AVON Lady March 6, 2009, 10:02 AM

That is definitely not cool to flirt with a friend’s significant other.

R March 6, 2009, 10:09 AM

I had a friend who flirted incessantly with my now husband for a long time. They didn’t have a history, but she still flirted and even did things like compare our breast size in front of him (hers were much larger). I am no longer friends with that person. My marriage meant more than that “friendship”.

aLLY March 6, 2009, 10:14 AM

I don’t know. It seems she wants to think her hubs is all innocent, but it takes two people to have ONE person sit on someones lap, and it takes two people to sustain a convesation about “good old days.” If her husband wasn’t reciprocating in some way, her comments would fall dead.

Also you totally hit the nail on the head when you said she is having trouble in her own marriage. She’s obviously looking for attention, which means she’s not getting something from her how husband.

birdsfly March 6, 2009, 11:46 AM

It might have less to do with her having any interest in your husband and more to do with the steam coming out of her hubbys ears. she probably wants him jealous for some reason and her history with your husband is convienent for that.

rugbymom March 6, 2009, 11:46 AM

Good advice.

Jen March 6, 2009, 12:21 PM

Have you ever considered the fact that Jodi might still be angry that he “was her’s first”? When you confront her most likely she will act shocked and offended and I would also be asking my husband why he let her sit in his lap. I’d let this floozie go!

Mic March 6, 2009, 1:29 PM

I had a good friend do that, flirting with my now husband, & even sitting on his lap. I just took her aside & asked her point blank if she wanted to F my man or what? She said no of course, & I then asked her how she would like it if I started sitting on her man’s lap & flirting with him. She said No, & we never had a problem again. If she is your friend, you should be able to be honest with her. If you keep your mouth closed, she may not realize it is bothering you & can ruin your friendship. Why are women so scared to speak up to frenz & then stew in it? Men don’t do that.

Weekends Off March 6, 2009, 2:57 PM

Stop politely seething about it and just tell her to knock it off. Had you done that the 1st time you probably wouldn’t be having this problem anymore. If she doesn’t knock it off when asked then it will show you just what she thinks about your marriage and your friendship.

Devon March 6, 2009, 3:09 PM

Great advice! I love reading The Friendship Court! Keep ‘em coming.

Devon March 6, 2009, 3:10 PM

Great advice! I love reading The Friendship Court! Keep ‘em coming.

Sydney March 6, 2009, 3:13 PM


Teresa Toten March 6, 2009, 3:58 PM

Great info… Love it!

Darlene March 6, 2009, 4:02 PM

The flirter is trouble! Don’t know if I would be able to keep my cool but I think your advice is good.

Anonymous March 6, 2009, 4:16 PM

I think it’s a sick and twisted situtaion that your even married to your friends hs sweetheart. Anyone my friend has dated is off limited forever.

Pam March 6, 2009, 7:42 PM

I don’t think your husband is innocent here. You don’t have a lap when you are standing up.

jANET BINGEL March 6, 2009, 11:23 PM

If she truly is your friend, I think she would behave better if you called it to her attention. Remind her that none of us are 20 anymore and trying to act that way just makes someone look immature. If your husband allowsher to behave this way after you state your feelings then maybe he isn’t as happy as you think.

jANET BINGEL March 6, 2009, 11:26 PM

os your husband going along with her or does he feel uncomfortable. Why doesn’t he say something to her or is he not as happy as you think??

sallygirl March 7, 2009, 7:44 AM

I think you should confront her as a couple. You and your husband should tell her together that her behavior is innapropriate and unnaceptable and needs to stop. If you speak with her alone she may think you are the only one who is bothered by her behavior and that your husband perhaps enjoys it. She needs to be told that it is making everyone uncomfortable including her own husband and that nothing good can come of it. Once she knows EVERYONE feels this way, she may stop. Who knows, maybe she really is that ignorant and doesnt realize what she is doing is offensive. I doubt it, but I’ve been amazed before in my own life to discover that some people REALLY ARE THAT DUMB! Everyone deserves one chance to redeem themselves…if it continues after you confront her, then she simply is no good!

jill March 9, 2009, 4:06 PM

I had the same thing happen to a friend of mine. But it was her husband’s best friend’s wife. They we’re always doing things together, dinner, movies, and going on trips. My friend soon realize that her husband had emailing his friends wife. When she asked him about it, he said that they we’re just friends and that the emails were nothing. A few months later that went to Vegas together, and the truth finally came out. They had been sleeping together for over a year and wanted to be together.

Krmuevcn June 22, 2009, 4:48 AM

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