I have a husband, a job and one kid. It's a never-ending balancing act and no matter how hard I try, I can't keep it all together. But not Nadya Suleman -- Octomom's got it ALL figured out.
Momlogic's Momstrosity: Here are my eight reasons I'm pea-green with Octomom envy:
1) Because she's freakin' famous, people!
She's got WAY more than the her 15 minutes of fame -- try 15 minutes for EACH of those underweight little babies (that's a whooping 120 minutes of fame)!! She's even had an offer to do a porno movie -- that's right, just like Sarah Palin (Palin was offered $2 million). That's pretty awesome company to be in. Palin was but a heartbeat away from being President. Of. The. United. States. Octomom for President in 2012!
2) She doesn't suffer from "mom guilt"
As a working mom, I'm constantly feel guilty about not getting to spend enough time with my daughter. Not so for Nadya. If she wants to get her nails done, hang out at a local radio station, go shopping, or -- and I'm just guessing here -- visit her plastic surgeon, she just does it. Having 14 humans starving for her maternal affection doesn't rankle her. Nadya, you go, girl ... anywhere you want.
3) She gets free sh*t
I feel lucky when I get a free sample of detergent in the Sunday newspaper. Suleman used to get free shwag -- more commonly know as welfare -- ALL THE TIME. Then she got donations from Dr. Phil himself! She gets so much free stuff, she could say "Thanks but no thanks" to free nannies. Free freakin' nannies. Where's my piece of the pie?? If my kid had had the good sense to split in my womb eight times, I'd be living on easy street.
4) She's NEVER going to be lonely
Although Nadya doesn't have a boyfriend or many friends, she's never, ever going to be alone as long as the paparazzi keep following her every move. Any time she hankers for some adult conversation, all she has to do is grab a baby (or usually not) and step into her front yard.
5) She gets to shop 'til her uterus drops
For most moms, a shopping spree at Target is a splurge. But Nadya doesn't let a little thing like "saving for a rainy day" get in the way of a little therapeutic shopping. She just plunks down a $1000 on MAC cosmetics and $1500 at Bebe for some awesome midriff/stretchmark baring shirts.
6) She's a marketing genius
She used her uterus as way to create her own cottage industry -- book deals, television shows, image licensing. She's like the J.K. Rowling of IVF. What a terrific role model for young girls who don't want to work for a living.
7) She's got backup kids
Earlier this year when Nadya called 911 freaking out because one of her kids was missing, I totally understood her pain. And she hadn't even had her octuplets yet. Now if one of her kids go missing, it's no biggie -- she's got plenty.
8) She's Angelina Jolie's doppelganger
Besides the fact Angelina works for living, has a hot man and is a multi-millionaire, Nadya is exactly the same as the "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" star. Those lips don't lie. Now all Nadya has to do is bide her time and wait for Brad to leave Angie in the dust. IMO Nadya Pitt has a nice ring to it.
- Momlogic's Complete Octuplets Coverage
- Octuplets Mom's PR Group Quits
- Octuplets Mom's Publicist Lashes Out
- Octuplets: Don't Punish the Kids!