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Baby Showers SUCK!

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Baby showers are so passe. Why do I wanna sit around with a bunch of women and drink tea, while the guys get to go out and drink? No thanks.

baby shower

Mommy2b: Although my husband and I totally need just about everything one could need for a new baby -- from crib to stroller to diapers and clothes, I am dreading the thought of a baby shower. I think they're totally annoying and stupid. Here's why:

1. I'm eight months pregnant. You think I want to be surrounded by all my skinny gorgeous non-pregnant friends? Eh, not so much ...

2. Why are my husband or any of the guys not participating? Is it just me who needs this baby crap? Why does he not have to be subjected? It's setting up ridiculously old school sexualized roles. What, he gets to go play golf while I sit around and drink non-caffeinated tea? Pfft ...Whatever.

3. Are you seriously going to make me change a diaper with fake poop in it? I'd rather just wait for the real thing. While we're at it, should we play a fake drinking game too? Cider instead of champagne? Fun! Not ...

4. I've done it all. I have ordered pregnancy books, signed up for childbirth class, gotten on the daycare waiting list, put the nursery together, shoot I have given up pretty much everything I love for the past nine months. It's time he puts the video games away and gives up some of HIS time.

5. I refuse to have an alcohol-free bridal shower, only because I don't want to subject my girlfriends to the boredom it already is. But what about me? Why do I want to surround myself with this deliciousness I cannot have and I so desperately need?!

6. Most people have not one, but two, and sometimes even three showers! Not only do I not want to give up my Sunday afternoon for my own shower, but I certainly don't want to be obligated to go to all two or three of theirs either.

7. Unwrapping gifts in front of people is already uncomfortable as it is, now imagine unwrapping a potty: "Ohhhh how cuuuuute!?" The thought of it alone embarrasses me.

8. Writing cards afterward. "Thank you SO much for the Diaper Genie, it looks perfect in the nursery." Honestly, I have a job and no time to bring out the colored pens and send individualized cards.

9. I am exhausted, and the very last thing I want to do is get dressed up in a muu muu and pretend to look good when I know I don't. Can't I just wear sweats and take a nap and wake up when the kid is born?

10. I have been listening to your judgments about my pregnancy choices for almost nine months now. I can't imagine getting you all in ONE room to tell me just all the things I should not have done, should not be doing, should not do, should not eat or drink or ...
Now THAT is going to drive me to drink.

11. Back to number 2. Where the hell is my husband in all of this? Can we please make them sacrifice something!!! (Yes I am screaming. SO. WHAT?!)



next: Mom Drugs Daughter to Get Her Pregnant
73 comments so far | Post a comment now
ashley April 3, 2009, 7:43 AM

I have two kids. I got a baby shower for my second. I was working in a big retirement home so all the residents got to come. It was fun because they were so happy. But it is a very strange feeling sitting there facing 90 people with my giant white legs (it was mid May so I wore a sundress, but had no sun on my legs, awful!!) and they are all just staring at me. Very weird. And then having to open all those gifts in front of all those people was very uncomfortable. But I got everything I needed plus about $800 in cash!!

theresa April 3, 2009, 9:11 AM

I never had a baby shower, which is fine, because I think the people who do have them (for the most part, not all) are greedy gift grubbers (whoa nice alliteration). IF someone wants to get you a gift fine, but I hate being invited to these freaking things for people I’ve spoken to only once in the past year or so.

Anonymous April 3, 2009, 9:40 AM

I live too far from my family and friends for anyone to throw me a baby shower so I think you should consider yourself lucky that people seem to care about you so much (although I agree about the fake poop game!).

Gigohead  April 3, 2009, 9:48 AM

I’m pregnant with my third due in October. I had a beautiful shower for my first baby, and had a very nice small one for my second with my co-workers. I am not sure with the economy I can even ask my friends or family to host a shower for me. It’s quite an expensive request. The author’s attempt to be witty came off as “unappreciative”, especially at a time where most people don’t want to fork up hard cash for a baby seat or a stroller.

rudeness April 3, 2009, 11:30 AM

Wow ungrateful much? I guess people should stay away and just mail you the gifts and not do anything as a show of the excitement of the new arrival? I don’t think this author sounds witty at all…she sounds very selfish and rude.

Toni April 3, 2009, 11:34 AM

I agree with you- so for my shower we had a keg and ordered in pizza- it was co-ed. No games. Only thing that was lame was that i opened gifts in front of everyone….but everyone says it is rude not too. It was more just to have an excuse to have a party.

Gigohead  April 3, 2009, 11:43 AM

8. Writing cards afterward. “Thank you SO much for the Diaper Genie, it looks perfect in the nursery.” Honestly, I have a job and no time to bring out the colored pens and send individualized cards.

=====

I was given a diaper genie as a gift for my firstborn. TRUST ME, it’s like getting a kidney. It is SO necessary. No smelly diapers.

Honey, you should be so lucky!

Kristen April 3, 2009, 12:16 PM

Your article was horrible and ungrateful. If you don’t want to have a shower, then don’t have one and go buy all the stuff yourself.
People do baby showers to show you they care and are excited for you but apparently you don’t even seem excited, so why did you get pregnant?

Anonymous April 3, 2009, 12:22 PM

Don’t forget the lame shower games.

tina April 3, 2009, 12:40 PM

wow, your going to complain about spending time writing thank you notes? they had to spend time to go wherever you register and find something that you haven’t already received…and pay for it, it takes all of 30 minutes to do the damn cards. especially if your husband addresses them for you. you are SO ungrateful.

a April 3, 2009, 1:00 PM

WTF?

Want your husband to be there? Invite couples, like everyone I know does. Really, this is allowed.

Don’t want to write cards? Say “no gifts”— just have a blank book for guests to write wishes, advice, experience, and promises of casseroles after the baby’s born.

Don’t like being around your skinny, gorgeous friends while you’re pregnant? See a therapist. Seriously— this is pathological.

Your “friends” won’t put up with your crap unless you get them liquored up? Get new friends. Or talk to that therapist again.

Do people really live in the world this portrays? I sure don’t, and I sure hope my daughter won’t have to.

Anonymous April 3, 2009, 1:12 PM

Wow, how about a little gratitude for the individuals who are willing to buy you things because you got pregnant.

Liz April 3, 2009, 1:20 PM

Puh-leez! With your attitude, it’s shocking you can scrape enough friends together to wish you well with your new baby. Poor baby with such a cranky Mom!

KateCake April 3, 2009, 3:30 PM

Waaaah!

jackie April 3, 2009, 4:26 PM

HAHAH I CAN totALLY RELATE! Especially with the pregnancy hormones flying around.

Hilarous.

devon April 5, 2009, 4:28 PM

this really struck a nerve with me. i am not sure if this is truly this woman’s feelings, but it is disgusting. as for writing the cards, you don’t have to be so fake about it. i find that personalizing my thank you notes make me want to actually write them. honestly, i had moments of feeling fat and unattractive, but moreover, i felt SPECIAL because i had a human baby growing inside me. this leaves me with a feeling of, “maybe you shouldn’t have gotten knocked up because you have a lot of growing up to do.”

KP April 7, 2009, 12:29 PM

I for one LOVED my shower, i was surrounded by people who were eagerly awaiting the same miracle I was. They came to “shower” me and my little one in gifts and love! Yes I was fat, yes it was hot (august) and yes I wanted something stronger than lemonade. But when my baby girl came home to a beautiful room with a new crib, stroller clothes etc. I realized how much thought, love and effort had gone into that shower.

Kelly C April 17, 2009, 11:06 PM

I went to a baby shower last week and we had a blast and most of it revolved around drawing on our doodlebra. Maybe you should have done that.

Pamala December 28, 2009, 7:37 PM

Have a baby BBQ. It’s what I did and plan to do again. We sat outside and had a family gathering and a few close friends, and then we played poker till nearly midnight.

This time around I plan on doing something similar but doing during the day with a bouncy house for the kids (I’m involving kids) and poker and so forth for the adults.

Heather December 28, 2009, 8:11 PM

I just had my first baby shower. I thought it was great. The games werent so bad - only played a few …name the baby food. guess the size of mommys belly. a word scramble of baby items. :) :)


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