Baby showers are so passe. Why do I wanna sit around with a bunch of women and drink tea, while the guys get to go out and drink? No thanks.
Mommy2b: Although my husband and I totally need just about everything one could need for a new baby -- from crib to stroller to diapers and clothes, I am dreading the thought of a baby shower. I think they're totally annoying and stupid. Here's why:
1. I'm eight months pregnant. You think I want to be surrounded by all my skinny gorgeous non-pregnant friends? Eh, not so much ...
2. Why are my husband or any of the guys not participating? Is it just me who needs this baby crap? Why does he not have to be subjected? It's setting up ridiculously old school sexualized roles. What, he gets to go play golf while I sit around and drink non-caffeinated tea? Pfft ...Whatever.
3. Are you seriously going to make me change a diaper with fake poop in it? I'd rather just wait for the real thing. While we're at it, should we play a fake drinking game too? Cider instead of champagne? Fun! Not ...
4. I've done it all. I have ordered pregnancy books, signed up for childbirth class, gotten on the daycare waiting list, put the nursery together, shoot I have given up pretty much everything I love for the past nine months. It's time he puts the video games away and gives up some of HIS time.
5. I refuse to have an alcohol-free bridal shower, only because I don't want to subject my girlfriends to the boredom it already is. But what about me? Why do I want to surround myself with this deliciousness I cannot have and I so desperately need?!
6. Most people have not one, but two, and sometimes even three showers! Not only do I not want to give up my Sunday afternoon for my own shower, but I certainly don't want to be obligated to go to all two or three of theirs either.
7. Unwrapping gifts in front of people is already uncomfortable as it is, now imagine unwrapping a potty: "Ohhhh how cuuuuute!?" The thought of it alone embarrasses me.
8. Writing cards afterward. "Thank you SO much for the Diaper Genie, it looks perfect in the nursery." Honestly, I have a job and no time to bring out the colored pens and send individualized cards.
9. I am exhausted, and the very last thing I want to do is get dressed up in a muu muu and pretend to look good when I know I don't. Can't I just wear sweats and take a nap and wake up when the kid is born?
10. I have been listening to your judgments about my pregnancy choices for almost nine months now. I can't imagine getting you all in ONE room to tell me just all the things I should not have done, should not be doing, should not do, should not eat or drink or ...
Now THAT is going to drive me to drink.
11. Back to number 2. Where the hell is my husband in all of this? Can we please make them sacrifice something!!! (Yes I am screaming. SO. WHAT?!)