Jennifer Ginsberg:"I hate you!" Shane glared at me and stomped his feet when I refused to turn the TV on for him yesterday morning. "You are not my mommy anymore. I don't even love you!"
I know that at 4 years of age he does not fully comprehend the gravity of the powerful words he is uttering. He is much more invested in my reaction than the content of his rageful expressions. Which is why I silently walked away from him, as emotionless as possible.
"I hate you mommy! Do you hear me?" He was begging for a response.
I got down on his level. "I hear that you are very angry ... very frustrated." I wanted to validate his real feelings without buying into the drama.
"When is Alicia coming?" Nice segue. Alicia is our babysitter and Shane is deeply and passionately in love with her. She the first caregiver in four years who has truly won Shane's affection.
This is a mixed blessing. It is wonderful that I can finally leave him with someone without having to peel him off of my body sobbing hysterically.
But it is also horrible that I can finally leave him with someone without having to peel him off of my body sobbing hysterically.
I don't know which is worse. Either way, I end up feeling like sh*t. Welcome to maternal angst.
When Alicia was leaving later that day, Shane jumped into her arms and said, "I love you sooo much."
I pretended not to notice as she struggled to disentangle him from her body.
Then he turned to me and demanded another TV show, even though he had already filled his quota for the day. "Shane, the TV is over for today and it is time for bed." I was as compassionate as possible.
"I hate you mommy!" Shane snapped at me and stomped off to his room.
God help me.
|Jennifer Ginsberg is a Los Angeles writer and mother to three, surprisingly angst-free children. As a former actress/waitress, turned clinical social worker specializing in addiction, turned full-time mother/part-time psychotherapist/writer, Jennifer is particularly well-versed on the topic of angst.|
Find out more about her life at angstmom.com