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Doctor: Buy Your Daughter a Toy!

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Sure, we tell our daughters about the birds and the bees ... but teaching them about VIBRATORS is another thing altogether!

Recently on "Oprah," Dr. Laura Berman suggested that introducing the concept of vibrators to our teen daughters might be a good idea. After all, many if not most teens are seeking sexual satisfaction from their classmates and other inexperienced jerks who often love 'em and leave 'em. Why not a vibrator? They can't get pregnant from a vibe. And they can't get an STD from one either!


The moms in our momlogic community are "buzzing" about this topic.

RP Mom says:

Um, no. While I will teach my daughter about SAFE sex, I can't even begin to think about giving her a vibrator. That is her for to explore if she wishes. I won't be crossing that line!

Julie says:

I really don't know if I would BUY it for her, but I would certainly bring up the topic of vibrators and self-pleasure.

Jill says:

I'm a big subscriber to the "if she asks, then I will tell" philosophy. She would absolutely cringe if I went anywhere NEAR this subject with her. But not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jackie says:

Yeah... no. I'm all for being open to the idea that they explore but it's not my job to help her out there, in my opinion. She has plenty of time for that and I'm sure there will be someone to come along and introduce the idea. Talk about getting involved in all areas!

We're not sure if we'd actually BUY one for our daughters (can you say AWKWARD?), but we are intrigued by the idea of at least discussing the topic with our teens.

Pediatrician Dr. Cara Natterson tells momlogic: "So much of early sexual behavior in teens has little to do with achieving sexual satisfaction and much more to do with lack of self esteem. So often when teenage girls are having sex, they are doing it to fit in or to win
affection or social acceptance. We shouldn't kid ourselves that by giving our daughters vibrators we are solving the problem of teenage insecurity and immature decision-making."

Do you agree with Gayle that this is "too much information"? Or is it a step in the right direction? Comment in our momlogic community.


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43 comments so far | Post a comment now
kelly April 15, 2009, 9:08 PM

It is OK to explore our bodies but that doesnt mean we are going to go out buy our daughters a toy a teach them how to use it. We gotta draw the line somewhere people.

Keira April 16, 2009, 7:34 AM

I agree with Oprah. However, not fully. While vibrators can help girls in satisfying their sexual desires and liberate their feelings, it can make them crave more for the real thing.
However, more positives than negatives in the suggestion. I would definitely agree with Oprah.

jane April 16, 2009, 6:57 PM

the quote from dr. natterson is right on…giving teenage girls a vibrator is NOT helping them with the true issues at hand. we would do our daughters more of a service by teaching them that they have self-worth rather than how to use a vibrator!!

curlzmt April 16, 2009, 9:33 PM

while some of you are complaining about this, little do you know that when you go to give them a vibrator they already know about masturbating and have probably already done it. but i do agree that they may be feeling empty sitting there without a man it’s ok give it a try theres nothing to loose.

Sherry(the real one..haha) April 17, 2009, 10:52 AM

I have one myself and am open to talking to my daughter about it….when the time comes. She is only six so I pray that is a llloooooonnnnnng way off LOL…no pun intended

NeonMom April 17, 2009, 3:07 PM

I actually bought my daughter a vibrator. It wasn’t like I tossed it to her out of the blue and said, “Here, go have yourself some fun.” It depends on the mother-daughter relationship. I’m lucky that she feels like she can talk with me about anything, knowing that I’m not going to go ballistic or make fun of her knowing that I’ll give her guidance and my opinion when she wants it. She brought up the subject and we went from there. We went to the store together and perused the toys, picked out the ones we each wanted to try, and I bought them. No, we don’t use them together. That’s the last I saw of that very personal item I bought for her, and I feel certain she’s enjoying hers as much as I’m enjoying mine. Sex is a gift. Any gift can be misused. Masturbation is a method of exploration and learning, a private thing and no STD’s or pregnancy will result!

SesshoumarusGirl April 17, 2009, 3:35 PM

Yes, girls need to know that self pleasure is normal and healthy, but we need to allow our daughters to discover that ON THEIR OWN. Why do vibes even come in the discussion? Does Dr Berman forget that fingers and hands are just fine?

Sure, toys are fun, but they aren’t the be all and end all. I would never buy my daughter a toy or my son a playboy.

What is next, thsi “Dr” is going to tell us to actually “show” them how to do it? Give me a break!

Anonymous April 18, 2009, 1:41 PM

Very PERTURBING to read Jeanne Firestone’s comment on April 15, “Is this something a mother and daughter could do together?”

KC April 22, 2009, 12:08 PM

I absolutely would give my pubescent daughter a vibrator and explain generally how to use it, along with a comprehensive sex ed manual that describes masturbation along with safe sex and all other types of sexual practice. Why would this possibly be a bad idea? I remember very well being a teenager, and I had sexual desires and feelings YEARS before then. I didn’t learn to successfully masturbate until college, when I worked up the courage to purchase a vibrator. (This was after I received my first orgasm, thanks to my very patient boyfriend going down on me for months.) I think it’s invaluable to obtain this knowledge and power about your own body.

Agree May 10, 2009, 7:45 PM

I agree 100% with this idea. I’ve never heard anything like it, but I think it’s a fantastic thought! Why NOT buy your daughter a vibrator? If we can talk to our daughters about sex and tell them that feeling certain feelings are normal and natural, I think it’s hypocritical to say it’s wrong to buy them a sex toy. What’s wrong about encouraging them to explore their own sexuality (without a man!!!) in a safe and fun approach? Like Oprah said, we already have the information. I would much rather give my daughter the means to put that information to good use, in pleasuring her own body than let the media etc tell her she’s only good enough to pleasure a man.

Dxztcyhg June 27, 2009, 5:59 AM

CFiicO comment2 ,

Anonymous August 8, 2009, 1:14 AM

I’m watching Oprah right now, and Dr. Berman seemed very educated and brilliant. I then googled her name, and found that she’s a sex therapist. So she’s not truly helping curious teenagers…she’s trying to combine the world of pleasure with abstinence, which is a very thin and dangerous line. The teenager’s mom on Orpah even bought her 14-yr-old son a condom, and said “I don’t want you to have sex, but if you do I want you to be protected.” That’s like saying to your child under 21, “I don’t want you to drink, but if you’re going to get drunk here’s what you can do to be safe.” Does anyone see the contradiction in that??! If we all followed this “logic,” our kids would get away with doing ANYTHING they want, so long as they somehow do it safely. It’s really not impossible to teach teenagers self control, as long they hold a mature conversation with their parents. As long as they feel they are being heard, they are ways to encourage them to act responsibly. Quick fixes like vibrators do not address the issues at large.

Todd Jordan October 20, 2009, 6:42 PM

Um, no. Never had a daughter though. As for my boys, not them either. :)
I think it would be great to mention them in any frank talk about sex but that’s just not something I’d feel comfortable about.

Miss Terror December 13, 2009, 8:53 PM

Excuse me ladies. teenagers can not controll them selfs… there bodies are changing and they need to relieve their stresses somehow. you may think that you’ve taught your children self controll, but i can garrentie when your in bed, and you think they are asleep, they are awake…*hint hint* so dont even think you have taught your kids self controll on those types of things, they are urges, and every teen gets them, masterbating is a normal thing, and its quite healthy to, do your research before you start labeling it as a sin. so seriously ladies, think about when you were a teen, how did you feel…

Anonymous January 10, 2010, 10:32 AM

I think the whole family should take part in doing it together

Ian May 16, 2010, 10:13 AM

It’s natural enough for parents to want to “protect” their daughters, ie, “preserve” their childhood for as long as possible. But we need to be realistic. Today’s teenagers know about sex, period. They learn about it, are “educated” about it, talk about it. Even if they don’t yet actually practise it, they very often flaunt it, posing on webcams, whatever. Yes there’s a lower age limit, but anyone who suggests that, by age 14, a girl is going to be harmed or corrupted by using a “toy”, isn’t living in the real world.

Air Rift July 15, 2010, 5:44 PM

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Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 8:57 AM

Interesting site! Nice reading. I just have a small thing to make about t-shirts.

Uncooknef March 31, 2011, 11:46 PM
Darence May 21, 2011, 12:21 AM

Wow, your post makes mine look felebe. More power to you!

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