Sometimes I wish I didn't have my daughter. Not because I don't love her, but because I love her so much.
Momlogic's Momstrosity: A new study, from people who study these kind of things, says that "parents often report statistically significantly lower levels of happiness, life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and mental well-being compared with non-parents." I'm sorry but I have to agree.
OK before you throw me to the "Mommy Blogger" wolves, hear me out.
When it comes to raising children, I believe the reason for all the discontent is this: Dual income families Simply. Don't. Work.
Most working parents -- myself included -- barely get to see their kids in the morning before they're rushing off to their jobs. I don't know anyone who has sit down breakfast with their family before starting their day. Leaving my 3-year-old every morning kills me -- when she's following me out the door asking me to have a tea party. It's like everyday "Cat's in the Cradle" is my morning theme music. "Thanks for the ball Mom, come on let's play, Can you teach me to throw," I said. "Not today I got a lot to do" She said. "That's OK." Yeah, I changed the lyrics a bit.
By the time we get home and make dinner (again because of our schedules it's rare that we all eat together), and do bath and story time, there's little time for anything else. So, most parents try to rack up some quality time on the weekend -- AFTER they've got all the cleaning, laundry and errands done in preparation for the new week.
Speaking for myself, this relentless schedule often makes my family, each in our own way, stressed, tired, guilt-ridden, resentful or simply put: unhappy. For me personally, it makes me sad that due to my present circumstances (both my husband and I must work to make ends meet) I am not able to meet my child's needs or my own.
But how would I know any of this before I had kids? I couldn't. So don't tell me I should've thought of all of this before I got myself preggo.
Case in point: When I was pregnant, friends explained to me about childcare. It sounded good to me. My husband and I would still be able to work on our careers and our baby would be taken care of by others during the day. In theory, it sounded fine. Because to me, my unborn daughter was a stranger and I had no problem with putting a stranger in day care. But the moment I met my daughter that all changed. As my love for my daughter continues to grow my heart aches every day for all the things I wish she and I could be doing together. And sometimes the pain is just too great.
Now when friends who are debating whether to have kids ask me if I am content with my decision, I tell them this:
1) If both you and your partner must have dual full time careers: Don't have kids.
2) If neither of you want to be the stay-at-home dad or the stay-at-home mom: Don't have kids.
Life simply runs smoother with the traditional family -- even if mom's the one with the briefcase and dad's in the apron.
It's just my opinion of course - what's yours?
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