When my mom died, I felt like my life was over. But then I got pregnant, and I could live again.
Momlogic's Julie: My heart broke for Jennifer Hudson when her mom, brother, and nephew were shot to death back in October. I couldn't imagine the pain she was going through. I was her age (27) when my mom died at age 52. It was -- and still is -- the worst thing that ever happened in my life.
When I heard the news that Jennifer was pregnant, my heart sang. Within a year of my mom's death, I too was expecting. I had always thought I would get pregnant in my late 30s. I was a career girl through and through, and had only been married three months when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Kids weren't even on my radar.
But then I took care of my mother for ten long months as the life slowly seeped out of her. Her death was a shock to my system. It leveled me. I could not go on without my mom. She was my best friend, my rock, my biggest fan.
Without her, I was lost. I had no purpose. I had a loving husband to hold me up, but there was a void in my heart I was worried could never be filled again ... until I got pregnant.
With a new life growing inside me, I began to heal. As I prepared to become a mother, the loss of my own was just a little bit less unbearable.
Don't get me wrong -- not having a mother to guide me through those first few years of motherhood was tough, and continues to be so. But on January 22, 2001, at 11:03 PM, as I pushed and I pushed my firstborn out of me, I swear I saw my mom's face there on the ceiling of Cedars-Sinai Hospital. She looked angelic, and I finally felt at peace. Moments later, as I gazed down at the writhing little baby in my arms, my baby, I could truly relate to my mom on a whole new level, for the first time.
Now I was a mom, too.