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My Adoption Is None of Your Business

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Jackie: Yes, I do know that plenty of American children need homes. Thanks for asking.

children sitting on stairs

Madonna's attempt to adopt another child has created a bit of controversy. While not surprising considering everything she does has some drama involved, what's hurtful to others like me is that accusatory question "why can't you just adopt from here?" I'm one of the many parents who've adopted overseas who've heard it from strangers, supposed friends -- even family, "Why would you adopt internationally when there are so many kids here in the U.S?" While I totally get it -- adopting domestically was actually the first option we researched -- I can't help but wonder if what these people are saying is that a child is less worthy of a family if he or she wasn't born in this country.

My reasons to 'go international' are similar to those of Amy Simmons, mother of 9, who adopted five children from Russia. She says, "The trend [in the U.S] is leaning more and more that you need to be a foster parent first, but there are no guarantees [of adoption]. We not only didn't want the child to get their hopes up and then possibly have to leave, but we didn't want our children to feel they may lose their siblings. It would be devastating for all of us."

Parents around the world all have their own reasons for taking the adoption journey. And while I'm pretty open minded when it comes to answering questions like 'why not from here' by the curious, I just don't feel the need to defend my family's actions. Because we're not out to save the world, just find our child.

Interested in connecting with others about adoption? Check out our momlogic community.

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13 comments so far | Post a comment now
Linney April 6, 2009, 8:19 AM

I totally agree! granted i have never adopted so my opinion my not be that important because i have NO clue what anyone who has adopted has gone thru, and only you know what is right for your family. i couldn’t believe all the negitive things that were said about her for trying to adopt another child… the way, i love your blog :)

MarMar April 6, 2009, 10:12 AM

The reason Madonna’s adoption is in the news, in my opinion, is that it looks like she’s circumventing the Malawai adoption laws with her wealth and status. It just looks like she’s “buying a baby.” But otherwise, where she adopts from - or you, or anyone else - isn’t anyone’s business! And I’m not sure why people think it is. That’s all I have to say…because once again, my opinion on the subject doesn’t matter. A family is a family, and that’s all that matters. It’s your business, not mine.

Amber April 6, 2009, 11:26 AM

I don’t think any one really thinks it’s their business, but in this culture of we need to know everything about everyone, people just don’t think anymore to keep their mouths shut.

bb April 6, 2009, 2:47 PM

Isn’t blogging and writing articles about your adoptions kinda scamming for attention?
Perhaps the idea of “why can’t you adopt from here” stems from the idea that it is less disturbing to a child to remain in one’s culture after already suffering the greatest loss a person can endure, loss of one’s mother, father siblings extended family. How traumatic to lose family and then the country of origin.
If you feel “called” to go to a foriegn country to get a child great. Move there, learn the language, learn to love the food, assimilate and help a child.

Renee April 6, 2009, 3:51 PM

First, let me state that I have NO problem with international adoption. The one line that struck me as odd in your piece is “…we didn’t want our children to feel they may lose their siblings.” Isn’t there just as much chance of sibiling separation in international adoption as in domestic?

danielle April 10, 2009, 2:42 PM

I can’t even tell you how many times that question is asked. We, like you, also first asked about domestic, but doors opened with international and we stepped through. Sometimes God just knows what He’s doing….that’s what I think!

Stella  April 11, 2009, 5:24 AM
MLO June 15, 2009, 12:36 PM

I worked in a related field when I was in college and know that it is very broken. The child’s needs are not placed over the bioparent’s rights. I would hesitate to recommend to anyone searching through adoption options to consider foster to adopt in certain states.

bathroom window treatments January 21, 2011, 8:38 PM

I would like to thank you for the effort you have made in publishing this post. Your article has me wanting to begin my own site now. Thanks again for putting this online.

Francesco Villaquiran March 16, 2011, 3:58 PM

Hey got nothing all that original in this comment, so all i am going to say that your website is cool, sad that I can’t come up with something original Thanks once more for taking the time to put this online. I definitely enjoyed every part of it. May 28, 2011, 12:44 PM

Overseas_adoption_first_person.. Not so bad :) June 3, 2011, 6:48 AM

Overseas_adoption_first_person.. Ho-o-o-o-t :) June 5, 2011, 7:04 AM

Overseas_adoption_first_person.. Amazing :)

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