Stand By Your Man?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

filed under: leslie adler

Leslie Adler: How well do you really know your man?

Megan McAllister, fiancé of the alleged Craigslist Killer, said, "What has been portrayed and leaked to the media is not the Philip Markoff that I know."

And I want to ask her ... "and your point is ...?"

What are you saying, Megan? That he never tried to tie you up and steal your money? Never beat you up in a Boston hotel? Or are you proclaiming his innocence? Are you so sure there isn't another Philip Markoff inside the mind and body of the fit and preppy blonde boy you planned to wed in August?

Is it possible you could love someone and sleep next to them and not know that they have a darker side? How would Ruth Madoff answer that question? Was she an aider and abettor of a man she knew had a level of evil that would ultimately take down financial markets and institutions and ruin lives, or the loving wife of a guy she thought had the Midas touch?

What about the Parentes (the Long Island man who killed his wife and daughters and then himself)? Did Betty Parente or either of her children have any reason to believe they would die violent deaths at the hand of the man portrayed as a loving husband?

Do I have you thinking about sleeping with one eye open yet?

I'm just sayin' ...

Enough about the psyche of the psychopath. Talk to me, a wife, a lawyer ... about what would motivate my psyche to ignore the signs? I'd like to think I wouldn't, but....

Can any of us swear for anyone but ourselves? Does love lead us to knowing someone better than all others, or is love truly blind? Or, is it something in the middle? Do we turn a blind eye and see what we want to see?

The evidence against the Craigslist killer, for example, seems overwhelming. When the press tells us about the gun in the Gray's Anatomy book, the hard drive of his computer, the bag ties he used to tie the ladies' wrists, the extra cash he suddenly had with which to take Megan away ... the underwear he collected from the victims ... we women want to ask, "You're a woman, Megan -- you never looked in his drawers when he left the room or read his e-mails?" More importantly, if you had, would it ever have occurred to you that he could be capable of such sinister acts?

Will you be looking at your man through a different lens as a result of these stories?

Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."

51 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

“Fit and preppy blonde boy”? There is no evidence that he’s fit. I haven’t seen a single shirtless photo of him. One reporter even claimed he was Abercrombie type. Yeah, right. Some women have lots of fantasies. There was report Megan the girlfriend was high maintenance. She might have contributed to his actions, by being high maintenance. And, it’s probably not about “stand by your man;” rather, it could be birds of a feather, flock together.

- Skeptic

Posted 04/28/09 05:50 PM

Skeptic, actually there ARE shirtless photos of Phil Markoff floating about the internet — because he reportedly sent these photos (plus more, which apparently cannot be shown due to their explicit nature) to a transexual male he was soliciting on craigslist under the alias sexaddict5385. These photos were also posted by Markoff on dating websites such as passion.com and adultfriendfinder.com. Though we may doubt much of what is being said, the one thing we may be sure of, according to his photos seems to be that he was, indeed, fit.

- Interested

Posted 04/28/09 06:05 PM

And on the topic of the article — I will not be looking at my husband any differently in the sense of looking for clues, etc. But I have been looking at him differently in that I look at him and see the trustworthy, wholesome, wonderful man that he is, the wonderful father he will some day be, and thank God and my lucky stars that I have him by my side, and that I have always been a good judge of character in order to surround myself with people I could be 110% certain of. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my husband could have never done such things as Phil Markoff, and I am sure if Megan McAllister looked way deep down, she would not be able to say the same. The clues are there. They just have to be. Of course we women sneak a peek at email accounts when they aren’t watching. Who hasn’t looked in her s/o’s drawers or phone log? Its called women’s intuition and she appears to either have ignored hers or be one of the few woman I’ve ever heard of who has none.

- Interested

Posted 04/28/09 06:09 PM

Hi, Interested. Be warned. When you sneak a peek at your husband’s email without his consent, you are telling yourself you don’t trust him. Moreover, it’s against the law. Here is the code, “Unauthorized email access is a violation of federal law 18 USC 2701.”

- Skeptic

Posted 04/28/09 06:16 PM

Megan thought she landed a winner…a doctor! She probably only saw what she wanted to see. I see that people who knew him are now coming out saying he had a “creepy vibe.”

- Marge

Posted 04/28/09 07:22 PM

Meanwhile, she’s standing by her man…and maybe she would have been one of his victims. Who knows what makes a guy like this tic or when he would have struck next.

- Cynic

Posted 04/28/09 07:27 PM

“Did Betty Parente or either of her children have any reason to believe they would die violent deaths at the hand of the man portrayed as a loving wife and husband?” Do you mean father and husband?

- Angela

Posted 04/28/09 08:43 PM

I totally disagree with “Skeptic” about if a woman snoops on her man’s e-mail,text messages, etc.-She is telling herself she doesn’t TRUST him. Most women are hard wired with a small amount of insecurity when it comes to “love”. It’s normal. Even in the best relationships.From time to time, women feel the urge to investigate (snoop), solely for reinforcement and validation purposes.It feels so good afterward, because deep down we “knew” we’d find nothing,and now we feel content once more. Until the next time our women’s natural insecurities, need to be soothed.

- Leeza

Posted 04/29/09 08:59 AM

Friends of Megan and Philip state that Megan was “high maintenance”. That makes it understandable why Megan had not even a clue to Philips double life.To Megan,as long as Philip was satisfying her insatiable appetite for “material things”,all Philip had to do was be the GATHERER and the “YES DEAR” kind of man. That’s all it took. Megan’s sense of entitlement, paved the path for Philip’s diabolical demise.If Megan knew the true meaning of LOVE in a relationship (give and take), she would have cared solely about the things that money can’t buy and more about building a true bond of mutual love,honesty and responsibility.

- Janice

Posted 04/29/09 09:24 AM

Leeza - just because you get urges to “investigate” doesn’t mean you should carry them out! I get the urge to eat a pint of ice cream, the urge to say to h*ll with this paper and go to the beach, the urge to do a lot of things - but that doesn’t mean I actually do those things, because I know they aren’t a good idea. It’s called self control and respect - for yourself and for your man.

- Kirstie

Posted 04/29/09 10:38 AM

1. Just because someone includes a photo on Craigslist, that doesn’t mean it’s an actual photo of that person. I don’t know if he’s fit or not—but I do know that I wouldn’t look to “evidence” from a sex ad photo as meaning much of anything. 2. I am appalled at the vitriol being spewed at the girlfriend for “driving him to murder” with her “greedy, high-maintenance ways.” Only one person is responsible for his actions, and that is the killer himself. I suspect that much of the “blame the girlfriend” rhetoric comes from friends who are desperate to find anything that would explain how their friend could be a cold-blooded murderer. That’s a natural reaction—but what a shame that so many of you here are so eager to jump on the “yeah, find a way to blame a woman” bandwagon. Even if it IS true—I don’t care if someone’s girlfriend is demanding trips to Paris and diamond-encrusted tiaras. If that’s the case, you find a different girlfriend; you don’t rob and murder innocent women. Nothing DRIVES someone to murder strangers but their own evil desires, period.

- Lee

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