Dr. Michelle Golland: I am a Cougar ... but not the kind you may be thinking of. I am 39, happily married for 15 years and have two children. So now you are saying to yourself; well, she's no Cougar. But wait! I have a new definition of Cougar that I believe we, as women, should own and embrace. Here it is:
Cougar: cou-gar [koo-ger] A female in her mid 30's and beyond. A Cougar is confident, courageous and capable in all areas of her life. A Cougar is also smart, sassy and sexy.
For Cougar age is not a number but a state of mind.
I personally want to thank the original Cougars; Mrs. Robinson, Demi Moore, and now Madonna. As a Clinical Psychologist, I view these women as groundbreakers for a new positive identity for female aging and sexuality. Let's face it the Cougar concept is really about sexuality, desirability and confidence. This is what I want all of us to embrace and own as we age.
As a feminist, I want to thank the women who fought the very difficult fight for our liberation regarding work, pay, and reproductive choices which of course still continues but now we must fight to be all that we want to be as we age. Our mother's generation didn't have many models of female sexuality as they approached their 40s, 50s and 60s but now we do. This is also about being able to make different choices as we age. It's not just about "dating younger men" but about our choices post-children, changing careers or re-creating ourselves in anyway we desire. Yes, even wanting a healthy and lively sexual life with our partners.
The Cougar identity is ultimately about Confidence. The Confidence that truly is only acquired through time and experience. At 39, I am secure and confident in myself in ways I never could have been at 25. I am a Cougar for my career. I know exactly what I want and I am "hunting" to get it. I am a Cougar for my husband. I love him as my husband and the father of our children but I also desire him as man and I know he desires me as a woman.
You see I want to experience all these sides of myself, wife, mother, psychologist and sexually alive female. The Cougar concept allows each of us to integrate and value the confident sexual side of ourselves while empowering us to "hunt" for anything and everything we want as we get older.
So I say stop bashing the Cougar idea and lets take it back for ourselves and not let the Haters of female sexuality and female confidence define us any longer. I challenge you to own your inner Cougar.
Please go to my Cougars and Cubs Club in the momlogic Community to share your thoughts.
|Dr. Michelle Golland is a USC graduate and a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY#16974). She works with adults, teens and is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships. Dr. Golland has given her expert advice on CNN, HLN, MSNBC, ABC, and Fox news. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and wonderfully exhausting two children.|