"The Cougar" Is My Dirty Little Secret

"The Cougar" Is My Dirty Little Secret

Thursday, April 23, 2009

filed under: diane mizota

Diane Mizota: I am a dirty reality TV whore. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dirty Whore. I'd like to think that my tastes are more erudite, but who am I kidding, "The Cougar" is just good dirty reality TV.

The prey, I mean, young gentlemen callers, are television gold. Twenty-one-year-old floppy-haired Travis, who brings to mind the words, "sweet virgin toast" and "baby harp seal," hands Stacey a thighmaster in the workout challenge and says, "My mom definitely had one of these when she was younger." Ooof. In the birthday challenge, he gives her a stuffed animal, explaining that whenever his mother went on a trip she'd always bring him back a stuffed monkey. OK honey, but not for your 40th birthday. Oh, it's full-on Oedipal Island.

Wait, I'm not done yet ... these guys actually think that they can impress Stacey by dropping not-so-subtle references to performing oral sex on her!!! Jimmy's birthday card to Stacey read, "When I think of what I'd like to do to you on your birthday, it brings to mind what my mother used to say when I was real bad ... I'm going to give you a licking." WOW. An oral sex and a mother reference all in one card. Quit your day job now, dude. Hallmark needs you.

It's not just a train wreck of young guys trying out pathetic lines to pick up an older woman, though. (OK, it's mostly that, but there's a little more.) Stacey actually seems pretty cool. When her daughter needed a liver transplant, she lobbied and got legislation passed to ease restrictions on organ transplants for minors. She revealed that to Jon, the most mature and normal-seeming one. I like him, maybe it's just because the other guys seem like such tools, but it was refreshing to see a guy ask Stacey about her, and LISTEN. The bar is set that low.

I know it's completely produced and manipulated, but it's also a dirty little guilty pleasure. Don't judge. Just enjoy the TV magic that is "The Cougar." Where else are you gonna hear lines like, "I'm gonna get in there, grab her attention, and play it like a Friday night at the bar ..."

Diane Mizota is an accomplished TV host, actor, writer, and producer who began her career as a professional dancer. She is a first-time mom who currently lives in Los Angeles with her husband and toddler son.