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Gay Uncle Brett Berk analyzes the toddler urinal ... and he's not pleased!

boy standing

Gay Uncle Brett Berk: Likely because of my penchant for dissing the boatloads of idiotic baby crap that many parents feel obligated to buy, and then ruefully regret (see Chapter 2 of my book, The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting, "Get Stuffed") readers often send me enticing lists of insane infant merch: The 20 Dumbest-Ever Baby Products, 10 Things Your Toddler Absolutely Doesn't Need, etc. I love the idea of these compilations, and always appreciate receiving them, but my eyes often glaze over when scrolling though -- not because I've seen it all before, but because half the time I have absolutely NO idea how this stuff is meant to work: what its intent is, how it reflects a valid need-state, which end of the baby it's supposed to go in or out of.

But every so often, there comes a product that is completely self-explanatory while still mystifying. Like this one: The Portable Toddler Urinal. Now as those of you who have read my book know, I strongly advocate teaching boys to pee sitting down: it decreases worries about aim, it's a consistent approach that more naturally leads to pooping sitting down, and it's a nice way to take a load off (I pee seated most of the time myself and find it relaxing). I also think insisting that young kids associate the bathroom with all water-sports activities helps aide and simplify the training process. And I'm pretty sure that most houses in this country come with at least one extant piece of plumbing perfectly designed for pee-practice. So why anyone would want to add a new and mobile site in their house for their son to stand and wield his urine gun (with the safety off) is beyond me, especially if it involves placing said receptacle in what appears to be the corner of the living room, like the folks in this photo have.

By the way, I read that this thing actually "flushes"; you simply need to fill up the "reservoir" up top before each use. (Emptying the "reservoir" down below is another story. Ew.) I just have one question: Does it come with child-friendly urinal mints? If so, I suggest flavors like bubble-gum, kiwi-strawberry, and pizza.

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3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Chris April 1, 2009, 1:04 PM

Teaching boys to pee sitting down? Not with the intention of later correcting such a behavior after they’re comfortable, but that it be a permanent one? How incredibly
emasculating and feminizing. I find myself surprised that such bad advice would be promoted, but probably shouldn’t given Brett’s previous “contributions” to
child rearing. And we wonder where all the men have gone…

Anonymous April 1, 2009, 2:34 PM

well, chris, most pediatricians will tell you to teach them sitting down first because sometimes they will accidently poop while peeing. (and it happened to my neighbor). just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t make it wrong. and your not girly for sitting to pee…..i bet your wife doesn’t need a watch because the stove has a clock on it.

Vvuussoe June 26, 2009, 12:05 AM

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