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Two Kids = No Sex?

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Last week, I read an article called "The New Celibacy: Are Generation X parents giving up on sex?" It shook many of my mom friends to the core.

Woman Sitting on Bed with a Man

Georgia Payne: Does having kids mean giving up on sex?

I read a Babble article called "The New Celibacy: Are Generation X parents giving up on sex?" The author says she and her husband have sex almost daily, but she's embarrassed to tell her friends this because so many of them have STOPPED having sex.

Most moms I know, especially those with toddlers and newborns, say kids slow down their lust lives, there's no doubt about it. These little ones suck every last drop of energy we've got, and the last thing on our minds is sex. Even if we are still very into our husbands, we just can't muster up the energy to hook up after a long day of work, kids, and life.

But the author of this article says you have to make time for sex, or you'll end up in counseling or divorce court.

Come clean, moms: How often do you do it?

(Hessie, a mom of two, confesses she's never in the mood anymore. Give her advice in the momlogic community.)


next: Baby's First Grill
22 comments so far | Post a comment now
ashley April 14, 2009, 7:51 AM

I have pretty much lost my desire for it since my 2nd was born almost 2 years ago. He wants it all the time. I feel sorry for him because half the time I turn him down and the other half I do it but don’t enjoy it. Something is wrong with my sex drive or my head I don’t know.

mom-of-two April 14, 2009, 9:39 AM

we have a 6 year old and a soon to be 4 year old and our sex life has slowed down alot, but we get our time at least twice a week.

Barb April 14, 2009, 10:13 AM

Ashley, my story is just like yours:

With a 6-year-old and an almost 2-year-old, plus a full-time job, I rarely care whether or not I have sex. Half the time I do go for it, it’s more out of obligation than enjoyment. I mean, I do enjoy it once I’ve jumped in, but finding the energy to get that far is hard! As for numbers, we’re probably down to about four times a month. That is embarrassing for me to admit.

amy April 14, 2009, 12:00 PM

Pretty Much every Saturday unless we are even too tired for that, talk about boring vanilla..blah, I miss it, I miss wanting it more. I always have fun once we start, but the thought of it requires much more than the act, sometimes I don’t get time for a shower or to shave and I don’t want to give it up if I am stinky or hairy! ha ha Poor guy, we are so close though and so in love that I think we’ll get through this all and we cannot wait till the kids a bit more grown.

Sarah B April 14, 2009, 1:15 PM

I have a 7 week old and my husband and I have sex at least 3 times a week…

steph April 14, 2009, 2:26 PM

We have a 16 month old and rarely have sex..he has yet to sleep through the night or in his own room. I am exhausted and have no sex drive these days. My poor husband but i make sure to talk to him about it and state the reasons…and work with him to find time. wow Sarah B…sex was not happening when our baby was 7 weeks old…you go girl!

kris April 14, 2009, 2:40 PM

We have a 6 year old, a 27 month old, and one on the way. Sex is a 4 night a week thing for us we were working on the 100 days of sex but well I got a little pregnant and horribly sick so we lost the streak at 39 now we are starting it up again now that I’m not naeuseous anymore. I no we try to get at least 4 days in a week or he’s a total bear and I can’t have my hubby grumpy.

Reality Check April 14, 2009, 2:42 PM

How sad! My husband and I both in our late 30s have five children, our oldest being special needs and we still have sex as much as possible. We can’t get enough of each other. We have the most wonderful relationship I feel so blessed!

Jill April 14, 2009, 3:57 PM

We have a almost four year old and a 10 month old. I’m still breastfeeding my 10 month old and I’m so tired. Our baby is finally sleeping through the night and yet not much is going between us. We have sex 5 to 8 time a month. I swear I can sleep in nothing but little panties and nothing happens. Maybe I should try a jp’s with footies, maybe than it will be a happy ending for the both us.

anonymous April 14, 2009, 4:54 PM

im not even married and im lucky to get some once a week..=/

nicci April 14, 2009, 5:15 PM

kris, after several mentions of male PMS, my husband started keeping it to himself. we have a 3 month old, and like many of you i enjoy it, but it’s hard to come up with the energy to get started. sometimes i just have to tell him no, with reasons. if he’s still sad, i’ll at least release the “pressure” for him.

Anonymous April 19, 2009, 8:44 PM

Don’t worry ladies. Sooner or later your husband will stop asking you for sex. He will find it somewhere else.

And they wonder why more than half of all men cheat. Or why half of all marriages end in divorce.

Make the time. Find the energy. If your kid was hungry, you’d get out of bed to feed them no matter how tired you were.

Anonymous April 20, 2009, 7:15 AM

I had Post Partum Depression for about five years, seriously. I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I finally talked to my doctor. After getting some help my lust life rebounded 10 fold, now I can’t get enough of hubby.

theyearofasking April 22, 2009, 5:22 PM

sadly, it didn’t take kids for me and my boyfriend’s sex life to dwindle down to once (occasionally twice) a week. it just took moving in together. god forbid we ever have kids. i can’t imagine what would happen to us!

Anonymous April 23, 2009, 8:54 AM

I don’t believe the comment above about a post-pregnancy, 7-weeker having sex 4 times a week and ENJOYING it. She must be scared of losing her man! Anyway, I have a 7 month old and our relationship has changed a lot in the sexual department. I feel bad about not wanting to give it up, but getting the energy to start the whole process is just not there! But once it gets going, its AMAZING.. so I don’t know what that means??!?! I wish we could have more alone time, but we don’t have sitters around here either and I know it would help us more if we could get out and reconnect at least once every other week. My husband keeps saying that I’m not attracted to him anymore, but that is soo far from true, I STILL think he is the hottest guy out there!!

amanda April 26, 2009, 7:38 AM

I have a 7 week old and my husband and I have sex at least 3 times a week…

- Sarah B

I kno 4 a fact that most women cant have sex for a while after they have a baby b/cuz it doc ordered n plus u bleed for awhile after haveing a baby.So u must have just started having sex n so far only 3 times trust me as ur child gets older that 3 times a week will change to 3 times a month!!

maria May 12, 2009, 4:19 PM

Well, my husband and I have a 2 year old, im home full time with her plus in nursing school at the same time. While my husband has a full time job. We have sex about 3-4 times a week. Believe me, I mostly do it because I just want to keep him happy and normally it only takes 10-15 minutes. It is definitely not the way it was before having our daughter, all romantic and sensual. Its kinda in and out ( no pun intended). But I do it because all those statistics are true, if your man isn’t getting it from you he’ll get it else where. I try to keep him fulfilled sexually so he never feels like he has to look else where. It’s just the way most men are programed, you can rage against the machine but it is what it is. Men like sex, and a lot of it. So to make sure he doesn’t get a wandering eye, we have sex a lot. Believe me, Im exhausted at night and we never get a sitter, so we rarely have ‘date night’ but I try to muster up enough energy at least every other night to ‘do it’. Plus I always look on the positive side, it keeps me in shape and helps me work my abs (because here’s a shocker, such a lazy guy) Im always on top.

Anonymous May 19, 2009, 4:13 PM

We have two sons 11 and 7 and I am lucky if my wife will have sex with me more than once a year. What do I do?… . masturbate daily, it is the only thing that keeps me in the marriage.

Anonymous May 19, 2009, 6:38 PM

i have an 8yr old a 3yr old and a 4month old and its a shocker that the i got pregnant with my last two kids. my hubby doesnt ever want sex. it is usually me asking for it. after this last baby i havent wanted it as much but i havent had it since the baby was born. i dont know why my hubby doesnt want it. i dont know if its bc i weigh more now then when we first met or what. but it does make me feel unloved by my husband. i know he isnt cheating. we both had kids early and were married young and it seems now that he wants to be a teen or on his own, he is really into his “toys” (fourwheelers and dirtbikes). i dont know what to do to get my hubby intrested again.

Me May 24, 2009, 6:27 PM

My son is just about 3; I’m suffering from depression, which really effects my sex drive sometimes. We do it anywhere from 2 times a week to every day… we usually have streaks where we have sex every day for a few days and then take a break for 2 or 3 days…


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