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Wanna Be Closer to Your Man? Spank Him!

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A dominatrix (and mom of two) gives us pointers.

woman spanking man

Scientists have found that spanking your man can actually boost your bond. After spanking, the study found that couples reported increases in relationship closeness. As a professional dominatrix, that didn't surprise me a bit.

Spanking your guy can equal very hot foreplay! What's the allure? It takes responsibility and pressure away from your partner, even if only for a very short time. That person is no longer in charge...and that can be a very freeing feeling. Often, this type of foreplay (and role-play) can transport the couple to a different time and space -- which really pumps up the eroticism factor!

You DON'T have to be into pain or S/M to enjoy these activities -- after all, love taps can be just as arousing as a forceful smack! Just remember to always play it safe and follow my spanking tips and tricks. They're sure to send your partner into erotic overload:

• Warm-up is important. Start the spanking session by slightly cupping your hands and lightly hitting each buttock one at a time, always targeting the fleshy, middle part of his butt.

• A good way to gauge how hard you should spank is to watch your partner's reaction. If he's having a tough time taking it, use a lighter touch. But if he tells you to spank him harder, by all means go for it!

• Gently rub the skin after every few strokes. Rubbing creates a more sensual vibe, increases blood flow, and allows your partner to take the next stroke with more ease.

• Lightly scratch the buttocks with your fingernails after you rub them to boost arousal.

• Once you've created a nice rosy hue on the buttocks, cool his buns down with ice between smacks. The ice is soothing -- but the slick surface will make your next smack sting even more!

• Try different positions while spanking. Making him bend down and touch his toes creates a taut bottom, rendering the sting of your hand much more powerful! This particular position will make him feel mentally submissive, too.

• Put him over your knee for some good old-fashioned fun!

Try my tips, and I guarantee you'll have a spanking good time. Do you dare?


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37 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous April 2, 2009, 6:03 AM

Does wanting to hit him in the back of the head with the remote count??

Tammy April 23, 2009, 6:19 PM

I spank my husband and our relatioship is the better for it. When he is getting a real spanking he gets restrained so I can punish him to my satisfaction, when it’s for play I’ll bend him over something or over the lap. I believe in every man is still a little boy that requires constant attention and correction. If you start early in the relationship you will have a much better and loving relationship!

Jack September 26, 2009, 10:04 PM

I believe in every man is still a little boy that requires constant attention and correction.

Correction is overrated.

Spanked Hubby January 16, 2010, 2:00 PM

My wife started spanking me about 8 years ago (we’ve been married 19 years.) We got into a HUGE fight and upon making up, she declared how badly she wanted to paddle my butt. I said OK and we did (sort of in jest but after 20-30 wacks my bottom was sore.) Making a long story short, my wife got so turned on by it that it’s been a frequent activity of ours. I get spanked about once a month (I’d prefer more actually) and it’s a great stress reliever. We now have several hairbrushes and paddles. The tough part is keeping this from our kids. Once our kids are out of the house, I can almost always count on her standing in the doorway with a hairbrush in her hand (and I know what that means.) More people should try this. It has brought us closer than you could imagine!

markiee February 14, 2010, 5:52 AM

My wife (6’2” 190 lbs.) is bigger than I (5’10” 165 lbs.) am and gave me my first spanking on our wedding night. She has been giving me bare bottomed spankings ever since. Now we don’t make love without me first going over her knee for some spanking foreplay (or fiveplay as we like to call it).

Blondie May 6, 2010, 10:34 AM

My wife has been spanking me for foreplay for quite a number of years.

Recently I gave myself to it properly without feeling guilty and I was amazed. Even the next day I was still feeling the elation. So much so that I wrote her a love letter in thanks. It made me feel so close to her for some reson that I almost wanted to worship her. I think she is fantastic to do this when she is not made that way, but she does say that seeing me switched on switches her on.

My next big wish is for her to be proactive sometimes in this and ask me if she can spank me. This is a bit unlikely perhaps but you never know.

Annon June 15, 2010, 6:35 AM

My wife started this about 2 years ago after/during a huge argument on vacation. I still don’t know how she got me to drop ‘em the first time, but I did, and she gave it to me but good with my belt.

It was a turning point in our relationship and things are better for it.

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Anon August 10, 2010, 9:55 AM

I shared this post with the love of my life an new wife. I was nervous about sharing my desire (need?) to be spanked. We discussed the issue for a few weeks and slowly experimented with mutual spanking. I explained how I like it to be more intense. Long and short of it is yesterday she put me over her knee and really spanked me. I loved it and or love making afterwards was exceptional. I am a very lucky man

Wishing August 21, 2010, 6:50 PM

For quite some time I have been trying to get up the courage to approach this subject with my wife. I believe it is time that she commenced disciplining me with corporal punishment as I haven’t been the terrific husband I should be. I’m quite willing to receive punishment spankings from her for my transgressions. Guess it’s time to have a honest discussion with her about this.

Jacobus August 22, 2010, 10:28 AM

I feel compelled to add a couple of notes:
1. Males, especially skinny ones, are in greater danger of permanent damage to the tailbone when hard objects are used. Suggest warmup start with handspanking, then a light leather belt, then a heavier belt or flexible leather paddle if he can handle it. If you must use a wooden object, keep it on the lower 2/3 of the buttocks, swing gently and only use a lightweight paddle.

2. As he becomes accustomed to it, push the limits in the direction of severity as he can bear, plus a little.

3. Also as he becomes accustomed to it, you may increase excitement by increasing vulnerability. If you’re accurate and self-controlled enough, make him straddle a hassock or narrow chair and bend over, and/or perhaps tie his wrists and ankles (learn to tie without impeding circulation or use padded cuffs) well apart. Or if you’re both so inclined, invite a friend to share the fun by the male spankee lying on his back on the carpet with the friend standing over him, her ankles against his underarms so he can’t reach down, and holding his ankles up and apart while you swing the strap. Very, very embarrassing… a bit scary… and hot.
If you have on something feminine but not really accessible, like a sheer blouse with an opaque long skirt, that increases the sense of his naked vulnerability.

And obviously, I think all spankings should be on the spankee’s bare bottom. He should have nothing on below the waist or be completely naked.

And although as a male switch leaning toward submissive I appreciate the angle of this article, the New Scientist original article by Linda Geddes (an award-winning writer on endocrinology etc.) actually suggests that female spankees get even more of a sexual charge out of it than males, per the testosterone levels for the next 40 minutes after. Just so you know… ;^)

Hoosier August 28, 2010, 4:53 PM

I’m male and I’ve thought about being spanked for many years. My views may not be typical however. I have never seen being spanked as arousing; I don’t get aroused from being spanked.

I’ve read posts where men talked about being spanked by an angry spouse but this seems to me like nothing more than abuse. I don’t associate spanking with being a slave, being dominated, being humiliated, or as discipline. I don’t think of it as punishment; I don’t want to be told that I’m a bad boy.

I don’t want to ask my partner for a spanking nor do I want to be asked if I am ready to be spanked. I want to be told that I need to be spanked and that I’m going to be spanked. I need confidence from my partner. I need to be spanked hard and preferably to the point of crying. I see this as loving and making me feel closer to my partner. Because of this, I need to trust my partner and feel that they really do love me.

I was in fact spanked by my late wife and two other women I dated. My wife was afraid of hurting me, one woman was too businesslike, and the other enjoyed spanking too much. Again, if I don’t get the feeling of being loved then it is nothing but pain and loses all interest for me. I have recently been spanked hard by my girlfriend over her lap, and she has promised that I’m going to get a lot more spanking in a few days. Since I do see her as loving this appears that it could be what I’m looking for.

I can guess why I have these associations. Almost undoubtedly it is because my mother was not at all affectionate in terms of giving kisses or hugs but I did get spanked by her a number of times. So, I probably associate love with being spanked by a woman who contains some sense of authority for me.

I have four paddles that I have tried, three that I bought that were made from shoe leather and one that I made myself from a 1x4 pine board.

Single layer shoe leather, 5.3 ounces, 3” x 14” x 7/32”. This is stiff enough to swing and has extra material riveted at the handle to make it thicker.

Shaped from pine board, 8 ounces, 3.5” x 15” x 11/16”. I cut out an easy to grip handle and rounded off the corners and edges.

Three layers, two layers shoe leather on outside with a layer of flexible plastic in the middle, 11.5 ounces, 3” x 14” x 1/2”.

Five layers shoe leather, 17 ounces, 4” x 16.5” x 5/8”.

When I bought the paddles I guess I assumed that like Goldilocks the five layer would be too heavy, the single layer would be too light, and the three layer about right. However, I was wrong.

I have tested these paddles by smacking them on my calf (which I would recommend for anyone who wants to spank) and have given spankings with the middle and lightest leather paddles. I have also given spankings bare handed and with a hairbrush. I have been spanked with a belt, bare handed, and with the lightest paddle. So, I can give some advice.

With three or more layers of leather there is no real difference in hardness compared to a solid wooden paddle.

The 17 ounce paddle is much too heavy. It will cause deep bruising unless your partner is very weak.

The 11.5 ounce paddle is too heavy. I could hit hard enough with this just by pivoting my wrist without even moving my arm. With a swing it will leave bruises. However, it might be suitable if your partner is weak.

The 8 ounce wooden paddle is probably okay if used over clothing. It’s too much on bare skin or over thin underwear. A man with size large gloves (like I wear) would give about the same amount of force as this bare handed. The only advantage being that your hand will sting too which might keep some from spanking too much.

The 5.3 ounce single layer paddle is about right for bare skin. It is stiff enough to swing with minimum weight. It mostly stings without bruising however on people who bruise easily it will still leave bruises.

Is a hairbrush gentler? No, a hairbrush is typically only a little over 1” wide and will concentrate the force in a small area. What about a belt? Belts are poor because by the time you get a belt wide enough to spread the force out, it is too wide to easily grip in your hand. So, you end up spanking with a narrow belt that leaves welts or even cuts. What about a ping pong paddle? Most of these will break after a few hard swats.

If you really wanted to use a belt you would need to get one that is very wide (preferably 3”). You might have to visit a store that carries saddle supplies to find one this wide. Then you cut the handle area narrower so you can grip it. It is still hard to grip though because it is thin. So, then you need to fatten up this area with additional material and rivet it together to make a thicker handle.

You could also make a ping pong type paddle somewhat like the one I made from 1x4 pine. Use a 1x6 instead and cut 4” off the length. You would end up with a paddle 5 1/2” wide and 11” long.







Gerald September 8, 2010, 11:25 AM

I have enjoyed being spanked by my wife for many years. It is hard to describe, but as one contributor posted above, there was something I missed from the bare bottom spankings my mom gave me as a boy.

Recently by accident, we found a woman from our church who used to spank her husband (he passed away) and she now comes over once in awhile to witness my spankings.

otkloverjohn October 2, 2010, 2:13 PM

I agree with all the men. The “sex” spankings are out of this world; and the “punishment” spankings leave us feeling closer and the air is cleared. I have found that in most spanking relationships, there is very little of the resentment buildup that goes on in most vanilla relationships.

gina October 21, 2010, 10:59 AM

I have been spanking my husband for years. It has corrected what would have been a failing marriage. I do not go easy on him during a spanking. A good spanking over your knee will definitely set him straight during an argument. I often Spank him with a long thin spanking paddle you can get them on ebay . This could be done for many reasons. Like him not caring about your likes and dislikes. Last week i asked him for money for a pedicure, he hemmed and hawed about how it was a waste of money. OK i marched him upstairs and put him over my knee I blistered his bottom until it was glowing red I then had him step into a pair of pink floral panties I then had him put his jeans on . He apologized several times and handed the money over.We went out to dinner at the restaurant I asked him how the panties felt and if his bottom was still on fire ? He said ” Yes ma am it still stings a little the panties feel wonderful thank you for letting me wear them ” and when we got home I had him give me a foot massage for an hour.

Anyhow to make a long story short :
Spank Him ! He will love you for it !
Spank him for fun ! Spank him for discipline! Spank him to relieve your stress !

Guys love to be spanked and controlled by women And this will definitely bring him closer to you

Karen October 21, 2010, 11:31 AM

After reading so much about this subject. I was unsure on how to initiate the spanking. I gave it weeks of thought.Finally i ordered him over my knee naturally he thought it to be sexual and complied . When I brought the first swat to his bottom he was shocked however he did not try to escape . I gave him 25 more hard blows with the back of my bog wooden hair brush .

What a stress reliever ! wow . Since then I spank him at least once or twice in a weeks time. I always explain to him who is in control when he is being spanked .

Our relationship has taken a turn for its best. He is much closer to me now and is more aware of my needs and wants.
What used to be a rogue husband is now my husband, best friend. This has relives a lot of his tension as well as my own. It is also a load of fun! It sure is better than arguing all the time !

jason October 21, 2010, 11:55 AM

My wife Spanks me ! sometimes it is very humiliating. Mostly for fun. It has never been a light Spanking. It has always been Hard and Humiliating . I have become very submissive to her. I love her very much for this. She will also read my comments . I love you ! Thank you.

Mrs.Geo.Spanking October 21, 2010, 1:51 PM

My Logic .

I am in a business where I get paid to spank many of your husbands.

Most of these guys are typical macho business men away on trips .

My advice is to use what Is called domestic discipline.
You do not need to be an expert.

Here is how

Step 1:
Find your tool.
Use a flat wooden hair brush .
(never use a plastic hair brush )
a plastic brush does not stimulate properly and he will not enjoy it and it will only bruise him.

2nd
a nice big wooden spoon works well and also is very quiet if privacy is needed . use the smooth back side of the spoon ( who don’t have one of these?

3rd
I recommend buy a spanking paddle they are all over the net.However for beginners the wooden brush or spoon is very effective.

Now that you have your tool . You need to put him over your knee it must be done this way to gain a powerful presence over him .
Even if your man is a big burly guy you can position him over your knee easily it may take a few try to figure this out . The only other way it should be done is with him bent over a chair with his behind in the air slightly. You will then have a powerful position over him.

begin the spanking by swating light but fast to the dead center of one of his cheeks .Then the other, alternate between the two cheeks . Keep the swats in the same spot every time and always on the meaty part of his bottom. increase the strength as you go on

Be very verbal during this.Let him know why you are spanking him. Let him know who is in charge in your home. Let him know why you are mad with him . Ask him if he understands? ask him if he is going to be a good girl? lol that’s right. Not to worry he will say yes !

The spanking should end when you feel satisfied or he is crying . Or he is complying to what ever it is you were trying to achieve.

After this has ended you will feel a great relief as well and he will have a whole new outlook.

ALL men will love and respect you for this. Most men pay me to do this do them.

All men should be paddled now and then!

Enjoy!!!!

30/year/marriage October 21, 2010, 3:03 PM

I am 58 years old . I have been married for 30 years. I have had three children . I never spanked my children, I left that to my husband.

I have however spanked my Husband many times.
For any reason I would feel fit. Anything from eyeballing another women to forgetting to take out the trash.Or simply not doing as I pleased.

He has sat over my knee in a nice big pair of thin pink nylon bloomers receiving his spanking many a time.I would tell him he was acting like a baby so I am going to treat him like one. I would order him to go get the big girl bloomers on and wait for me.I would go to our room and he would be waiting on the edge of the bed in the Spanking bloomers.It took a few spankings to get him trained to do that on his own but he learned.
It is wonderful that others use this as an outlet to strengthen your marriage . I am often asked ” How did you stay married so long?” If they only knew.

Only one person ever knew I had this control at home and that was his fault.
He mouthed off to my sister one time. He was in the wrong. I asked him to apologize and he would not. After the third time of him telling me no I found it appropriate to Spank him in the bloomers right in front of her.I sent him to the bedroom with his usual instruction to wait for me. What he did not know was this time Sarah was going to watch. We both entered the room and he tried to hide. I commanded him to get over my knee then I spanked him a few times and handed my paddle to Sarah. she pulled his girl bloomers down just a bit and went right to spanking him.And scolding him for what he had said. She also told him how naughty he was for being in the bloomers. He Apologized.

My husband has always loved me and respected me. No one would have ever expected what has gone on at home. This has always been very sexually arousing to him also.It has also made for some really great for-play . I would imagine it would be that way for most men also.

If you have not tried discipline you really should give this a try. Years ago Psychologists would tell you take your frustration out on a pillow , Beat that pillow up! This is no different Your mad at him Spank him . You will feel better and he will see it your way.

I am sure in some cases its the other way around and it is the wife who needs the spankings. However this is just how I have dealt with frustration and anger in my marriage and it has always turned out great. And we have been very happy.

We are both getting older now so its not very often on the spanking anymore. However I have administered this medicine to him thousands of times in the past

I hope this helps someone


Well Spanked man October 21, 2010, 6:13 PM

My wonderful wife Has spanked me often.
When ever we get into an argument I am often brought to the middle of the room where I am stripped down to the satin thong panties she makes me wear. She says thongs will not get in the way in case a paddling is necessary. I am placed over her knees basically on all fours but just over her knee. She goes to work with her discipline. When it is finally over She is in a better mood and we both have forgotten what the argument was we just agree that she was in-fact right. Once in a while this will lead to great sex. Most of the time it just leaves me with a big erection in the satin women’s thong panties and clear understanding that she is a true goddess.

I really and truly love her for this. I would never think of leaving her. Even though we have some differences, my wife and her paddle always seem to work it all out.


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