Excerpts from Tracy's journal between May and September 2008.
May 8, 2008 -- After returning from Ukraine the second time:
If one more person asks me, "So, do you have your little girl?" I'm going to claw their face off and whip it up in my Cuisinart. Sorry, but it's true. I imagine it's the same feeling the infertile couple has each month after the "Are you pregnant?" bomb lands in their lap.
June 6, 2008
Tomorrow we begin making up the foster care classes we missed while we were busy not adopting a child in Ukraine. We have to be certified foster parents before we can be considered an adoptive family. So, John and I are going to slink our tired, shame-ridden little selves into the foster classroom and say, "Yes, everyone, we went to Ukraine again and yes, we still have no child." I feel stupid -- humiliated might be more accurate -- and my brain is still fuzzy about this whole foster-adoption thing. Right now, though, it's our only option. We're outta money, outta time, and we're sure as hell outta Eastern Europe. Our entire plan has just gone to shit.
June 11, 2008
Tonight we "graduate" from our foster classes. We've completed the 30 hours of training required to bring a traumatized child into our home. This education will also come in handy as we attempt to manage the probable biological-family shit-storm that will accompany said child. Sounds awesome.
July 19, 2008
Our medical report just came in (still no syphilis!) and now we have to wait for our fingerprints to clear (still not pedophiles!), which can take months. Only then will our 4th home study (count 'em, 4) be complete. Then we can begin the process of waiting for our child. This sucks. We figure we're looking at another year at least. I'm worn out and bummed out and question our brilliance of trying to give a home to a child who needs it rather than bringing another one into the world. Now it's too late to do the latter. In a month I turn 45.
August 27, 2008
Happy birthday. Fingerprints are in. Home study is being hand-delivered to foster agency. I'm starting to feel a glimmer of hope. Give me my kid.
September 26, 2008
We just found out (at 4 PM) that tomorrow morning there's a festival for Latino kids currently in the L.A. system who are available for adoption. This event is ONLY for certified foster parents, and that's officially us. They say there are usually sibling groups of 2-5 (holy crap!) and there are very few, if any, young girls, but what do we have to lose? Oh dear God, wait a minute, are we about to subject ourselves to some parade of motherless children who are expected to charm and delight prospective parents?? What are we doing to ourselves?
September 27, 2008
John and I make the 45-minute drive to the "Latino Fiesta." Frankly, we're both numb. You'd think we were just bringing some beer to a friend's barbeque, not potentially finding our child. But after Ukraine, it's hard not to feel ambivalent about the whole ordeal.
We finally arrive at an enormous park in Altadena and we follow the hand-posted "Latino Fiesta" signs. As we walk to the main entrance and onto an enclosed field, we're greeted by a woman who is very happy to see us. "You're prospective parents?" she asks rhetorically. Then John and I see children walking up with what appears to be their social workers. We grip hands like we did in Ukraine. Maybe, maybe our little girl is at this festival. Maybe this will be the beginning of something we never anticipated. Maybe we'll find our child in our own backyard....
(To be continued.)
|Tracy Mazuer is a TV producer/writer and creator of TheReluctantGenius.com "for professionals who need professional help." She and her husband John have been married for 23 years and live in Playa del Rey with their 2 dogs, Hankie and Lizzie.|
Part 1 Adoption Journey ... with a Shocking Twist Part 2 Adoption Journey: Bait and Switch Part 3 Adoption Journey: Train Ride of a Lifetime
- Part 4 Adoption Journey: All About Making Money
Part 5 Adoption Journey: Secret Orphanage Visits
- Part 6 Adoption Journey: Heading Home Alone
- Part 7 Adoption Journey: Back to Ukraine?!?
- Part 8 Adoption Journey: No Hope of a 2-Year-Old