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Dear Self-Righteous Wives, This Is For You

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Ladies, it's not the other woman who is the problem -- it's your husband.

Naila: Who are you? Why are you ALWAYS so quick to judge, blame, and react? Tell me, why am I supposed to feel sorry for John Edwards's wife just because she is the wife? When did having a ring on your finger absolve you of all the ills of the world? Husband cheats? Blame the hooker, the woman that "stole" him from the wife. Husband cheats? Forgive the husband and take sides, create shirts and Facebook groups dissecting the psyche of a cheater, a home-wrecker. Focus on the extreme emotional pain the cheating caused the ever-so-perfect wife. Show her strength and resolve while taking the children to school. Exiting the church, smiling with hesitation into the camera. Cue the violins.

woman thinking of elizabeth edwards


I am not condoning cheating. I am not suggesting the women in the equation are blameless, but what I am screaming loud and clear is that you must hold the husband's feet to the same fire. I am disgusted by the self-righteousness of the wives who react so viscerally, so viciously, as if it was their husband that cheated.

Men lie; men weave Pulitzer Prize-winning tales of loneliness, telling of wives that withhold everything from sex to affection. They are contradicted, dying to leave a floundering marriage -- were it not for their children. Why is it so hard to comprehend how passion mixed with clandestine meetings in boutique hotels could cause women that wouldn't ordinarily be the other woman to become the other woman?

The other woman didn't stand and commit her life to anyone; it was the husband saying for better or for worse.

The husband is the problem.

If wives searched deeper and held their husbands half as accountable as they do the other women -- and stopped making excuses for defenseless behavior, investigated their own marriages as strenuously as the character of the women they vilify -- maybe I wouldn't be writing this article.

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24 comments so far | Post a comment now
MiaFord June 16, 2009, 11:18 AM

I’m so happy that someone FINALLY wrote an article that expresses my point of view. I am currently dating a married man and I feel no shame, remorse or guilt about it. We’ve been involved for nearly two years and in that time we’ve had maybe two conversations about his wife. He doesn’t bring her up and I don’t care enough to ask about her. The way I see it, it’s not my problem if he is dissatisfied at home and if it wasn’t me it would be someone else. Everywhere you look there’s some sad wife crying and blaming “the other woman” for “stealing” her husband but how many of you actually take that time to consider that she didn’t steal him – you gave him away. By being so distracted with your career or with morphing into a mom and forgetting about him, by becoming too lazy to shave, wear a dress with heels or initiate sex and even by refusing to satisfy him sexually – you basically set the stage for him to have an affair. I realize that not all of you have made those critical mistakes but most of you have. The funny thing is instead of taking a look at your part in this or even his part it’s easier for you to blame someone external to your marriage that doesn’t owe you anything. BTW- if you’re wondering – I work part time (not full-time because I don’t have to) and I do have a child from a previous marriage that requires my care but I still make time to keep myself up for him, spend nonsexual time with him several times a week and satisfy him sexually multiple times a week- so now what’s your excuse?

SNFlake January 23, 2010, 3:08 PM

My husband cheats all the time! But, I get all his money so I don’t care!

t December 26, 2010, 8:39 PM

Finally someone that makes sense.. it takes two to be together..and Both should have responsibility..The husband gets taken back and the mistress is the evil person. Makes me sick.. These wifes fail to realize..he is still lying to them.. and the mistress believed til in him til she took him back and he turns on the mistress as well to cover his but.. Hard lesson to learn..

tabletki na pryszcze April 3, 2011, 7:23 AM

Very interesting info, i am waiting for more !!! Keep updating your website and you will have a lot o readers

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