"Don't poop where you eat!" Is it a good idea to work for your friend?
Vanessa from New York writes: I need to drag my friend Barbara into "The Friendship Court." I love Barbara and we have been friends for twenty-five years, but our relationship is in trouble. I am a graphic artist and I was gainfully employed (even in this economy) when I let Barbara cajole me into coming to work for her at her company.
My instincts told me not to mix business with pleasure, but Barbara was very persistent and confident this would not ruin our friendship. She also agreed to match my salary and added some perks I had not had before, so I took the job. Two weeks into it, I knew it was a mistake. Barbara treats me terribly at work. She is a tyrant and she takes every opportunity she can to make it clear that she is the boss. None of her employees like her, and sadly, I don't like the Barbara that shows up to the office either. My prior employer already filled my position so there is no going back. Help!
Leslie Adler: Vanessa, my grandma always said "Don't s*%t [poop] where you eat." If you didn't know what that meant before, you do now. There is "no going back," but one can always go forward. You have to talk to Barbara and communicate that agreeing to work for her was a mistake and let her know if things don't change regarding the way she treats you at work, you will have to look for a new employer. You must tell her also that you do not want to end up looking for a new friend (to replace her), and that if she values your friendship but can't agree to change her ways at the office, she needs to give you her assurance that she won't put you out on the street before you find a job. Hopefully, this will enable you to stay friends, although I have to ask, now that you have seen this side of Barbara, will you ever feel the same way about her?
Do you think it is a good idea to work for a friend?
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|Leslie Adler, mother, lawyer, and creator of the Vuv Club, shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|