10 Rules for New Graduates.

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Getting the perfect job after graduation isn't always the perfect way to live or love your life. When I graduated college, there were lots of jobs! I had my choice of a job in management consulting and one in investment banking. I took the consulting gig because I didn't like all the numbers in banking. After many 100-hour weeks, an MBA at Stanford, and another few big/impressive jobs later in New York and around the world, I finally quit a career most people would have dreamed of. Why? Because I wasn't happy. Or fulfilled.

Particularly because the job market is very different today, it is critical that you read and listen closely to what is about to come.

Here are some ways to live this whole "graduation into a no-job market," differently.

1. Get comfortable with change.
   The most important life skill you can learn right now that can help you land your dream job is to be cool with change and uncertainty. The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the amount of uncertainty you can be comfortable with. Don't cling to answers, being in control, knowing what's next, or how it's going to turn out. Get flexible. Let things unfold. Be okay if you thought you were going to get a job and then didn't. Something good will come from any change. You have a "change muscle." You are much stronger, more resilient, more intuitive than you've ever been told. The best of who you are comes out during times of transition! Now, with that clearly in your head, let's look at things you can actually do.
   
   
2. Clean up your act and your health!
   Clean yourself up, literally! Get a makeover, get rid of any old clothes, cut your hair, cover up those tattoos, shower every day, change those earrings, and treat yourself to a new pair of shoes, perhaps ... you get the picture. No need to go on. Then, take care of your health! Working takes energy and endurance -- a job search does, too. The more you take care of yourself, sleep, eat well, stay hydrated, exercise, the more energy you will have to dedicate to this post-graduation phase. Employers prefer to hire and also keep people who are healthy. When everything on the outside seems out of control, this area is under your control. Feeling discouraged? Go to the gym, go for a run. You will always feel better about yourself. Get those emotions of fear, doubt, impatience, shame, whatever, moving out of your body.
   
   
3. You don't need to figure out your entire career!
   Begin by starting with something you want to do. Most 40/50-year-olds I know still haven't figured out what they want to do with their lives. Chunk it down. Is there a part-time job you want to do for the next month or two? What would you be happy doing for the next year? That's all. Then see what happens. Get out from the pressure of figuring out your life's work. You cannot possibly know yet. So stop trying.
   
   
4. Go for what you love.
   No one ever asks us what we love. The question instead is always, what do you do? Today, you are the "Do Something You Love Generation." You are dying to do something you love, but you don't think that's okay and you've never been taught to go after something you love. Do the inner work to get honest with yourself, listen to your gut, and ask -- what do you really want to spend your time doing? When there are fewer jobs, it teaches you to get incredibly focused. Dream jobs can include designing video games, joining the Peace Corps, creating jewelry. Become immune to what others want you to do or what anyone else thinks is right for you. Apply for jobs that speak to your heart and your passion instead of applying for everything and anything that is out there. You are unique, with hobbies, skills, and desires that are unlike others in the job market. The more you connect with your own talents and skills, the better this will come across.
   
   
5. The original will inherit the jobs.
   Do things no one else is doing. Don't just apply for the same jobs, go to the same job fairs, or search the same sites online (do it, but don't have that be your only source of ideas). Think about the companies, products, services you love. Even if there are no obvious jobs being offered, get resourceful. Find out the right person to contact, whether it's the CEO directly, a VP, or the head of HR. You can even reach out to a celebrity you want to work for. Tell them you love the company, what they stand for, their goals. Tell them why. Do your homework. Work hard. Make it personal. Get your personality on paper. Make it funny. Make it something they've never read before. Make it easy for them to meet you.
   
   
6. Don't be seduced by the "dark side" of the force.
   Trends, general opinions, and the news are not on your side. Read other types of news, sites, and magazines. Look for good news, for inspiration, for stories of hope, ideas. Refrain from agreeing with everyone on how bad it is out there. You get to choose what you listen to and what you let into your brain. Even better, take a "news fast." Optimists choose to look at what's possible, the progress they're making, how something good will happen. Act as if no one had told you how bad it was out there. Sometimes it's better not to know what you don't know.
   
   
7. Treat everyone as if they have a piece of the puzzle to your next job.
   Sometimes we think the folks who are in HR or big jobs are the only ones to network with. This isn't always the case. Many people have found jobs from people in the most unusual ways. Tell everyone you know and meet what you are looking for. Get really specific -- don't just say, "I'm looking for a job." No one can handle that level of request. If you say, "I'm looking for a job in TV [or fashion, or whatever], do you know anyone in that industry?" then you will be amazed at how much help you will receive. It does require you being very clear on what you want. Talk to anyone. Don't judge who someone is or who they know based on what they're currently doing. You never know who their friends are, who their customers are, or what they used to do. Build your business network as passionately as you have your friend network on Facebook, LinkedIn, and other sites.
   
   
8. Keep learning, growing, reading.
   Just because you are out of school doesn't mean you get to stop learning. Pick up a few different types of books or audio programs. Learn about self-empowerment, communication skills, pursuing a dream, being an entrepreneur, health, spirituality, whatever you feel called towards. Take an evening class or a weekend workshop on letting go of negativity, or the power of visualization, confidence-building tactics, or public speaking. You will be amazed at what you didn't learn in school. Life skills. "Right brain skills." Skills that will make you cope better. Skills that will make you more valuable in a job. You are not wasting your time. Any course you take or project you get involved in will say something important about you as a person to your next employer.
   
   
9. There's no place like home.
   Home is the best place to job-hunt from. Home is where the food is, clean clothes, a familiar environment. And love. There's nothing wrong with going home after graduating. You can get up and work from your favorite café down the street. You can maybe even do a part-time job in the neighborhood among people who know you, or get some extra money around the house. Today, future employers probably expect you to be living at home, so there's really no shame about it. When you're at home, and you have a strong desire to get out, to get your own apartment and life going, I promise you, it makes you even more resourceful and committed to finding a job. And if toughing it out in the world in your own place is best for you, do that. Decide what's best while taking the emotion out of your decision. Here's another good thing about going home: you tend to rid yourself of any bad influences you had -- a not-so-good boyfriend/girlfriend, heavy peer pressure to go out every night, a negative ring of fear and doubt from everyone else's stories of doom and gloom. You're better off in a new environment for a little while.
   
   
10. Don't eat the marshmallow.
    In a study at Stanford University conducted over 25 years ago, a class of 5-year-olds was given a marshmallow and told not to eat it for 5 minutes, and only then would they be given a second marshmallow. The teacher then left and observed the class. 90% of the kids ate the marshmallow right away. (The rest licked it or ate the inside!) The kids were then followed for the next 25 years. Those who were able to delay the instant gratification and wait were off-the-charts more successful in every area of their life. What's the lesson? Good things come to those who wait. Many students graduate and feel such pressure to be the next Steve Jobs, the next Anderson Cooper, or superstar designer. It's fine if it takes you a little while to find the job you want. We all overestimate how quickly things are going to happen in a month or so and often give up or settle. And we all underestimate how different our lives can be in 6-9 months. Give yourself a longer runway.
    

If you only do one thing to help yourself during this period of uncertainty, it's to shift your beliefs! The job market is only as bad as you choose to believe. There will always be jobs. There will always be opportunities to help, to try to build your own company.... Be part of the solution, not the problem. Think abundance, not scarcity!

And until you do find that perfect job of your dreams, find an hour or two to contribute or volunteer. Your character is what's most important. Giving back has you meeting people, feeling useful, realizing someone needs you and your skills. Offer to help people. "Is there anything small I can help you with?" The world has a funny way of helping those who help others. Ask how you can be of service and you just might find the world looking to serve you too!

And yes, today I have a job I love. And I am helping others. I started a company to help people through life changes, personal and professional, and wrote a book about it. The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making any Change Easier. I interviewed thousands to discover why some people are better at change, whether it be making a change or facing a tough change that's come your way. Pick up a copy if you are graduating, want to find a job you love, are starting a job or a business, or face any other change you'd love to make.

Ariane de Boinvoisin was born in New York to Belgian and lived in six different countries on three different continents, learned to speak four languages and went to five different schools - all before the age of 18. She attended the London School of Economics and got her MBA at Stanford University. In 2000, she was tapped by Time Warner to become the managing director of a new digital media venture fund. As a certified trainer for the Anthony Robbins Companies, she attended dozens of seminars on many subjects, including health, relationships, finances, life skills and spirituality. She's been a professional swimmer, a ski instructor and regularly helps disabled runners in the New York Marathon. She reached summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro in January 2001 and accompanied a group of students to Antarctica in December 2002.