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I Hate Your Baby Pictures

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Childless Bitch: Or, Why I Think You Should Slow Your Roll On All Those Baby Pictures You Send Out.

childless bitch hating baby pictures via email

Hello, mommies. I'm back and bitchy as ever. I went all soft and gooey for a second there with a post praising the "Amazing Race's" Bionic Mom. But I try and not let that side come out too often. After all, I have a rep to protect.

Onward! Here's what you're doing lately to piss me off. Wait for it ... wait for it ... pictures! Of your baby. Monthly effing pictures of your baby's developments. My inbox is flooded with baldheaded toothless wonders and little gasbags, er, babies, with small strange patches of hair atop their chubby googly-eyed faces. Here's a little secret -- all newborn babies, up to the point where they are ready to shop for prom dresses, look the same to us non-parents. I keed, I keed. Sort of. But seriously, I am your friend and not the grandparent of your child, and therefore, I do not need to see a digital photo album with pictures detailing every single day of your precious baby's life. Sending out a few pics every three or four months is sufficient.

But while we're on the subject of photos, I've got another little something to get off my chest. Since I know all you mommies are so point-and-click happy, how come you never send a thank you picture with your kid in the adorable bikini, witty onesey, or badass hat that I bought for him or her? I'm not implying that you were raised in a barn and don't send thank you cards, because you do. But really, and especially if you live far away, I would like nothing more than to see your offspring running around in an outfit hand-picked by Auntie Childless Bitch. Just something to consider. Thank you and feel free to fire away at what a heartless a**hole I am in the comments.

next: A Mother's Choice: Her Baby or Herself
24 comments so far | Post a comment now
jersey May 18, 2009, 8:56 AM

You are simply awesome!! I totally look forward to your posts!! More moms need to heed your level headed, straight-forward advice!

K. May 18, 2009, 9:23 AM

I’m a mom of three and to be honest I am usually not interested in pictures of kids I am not related to. I also don’t torture my friends and not-so- close relatives with pictures of my kids. I didn’t have my kids until my thirties, so I had plenty of time to see dozens upon dozens of pictures of other peoples kids shoved in my face. I also remember what it was like to be trapped there ooohing and ahhing and saying how cute while trying to figure out how to get away without knawing my own leg off.

Barb May 18, 2009, 9:58 AM

It’s pretty simple to hit “delete.” Or, if you’re really that bothered by it, send a note to your friends that says, “I love your pictures, but my e-mail can’t hold that much space. Do you mind just sending typed messages instead?” They’ll get the hint. Most of us only send these group e-mails to people who have shown an interest in getting them, and we’re not offended by someone wanting to be taken off the mailing list.

ash May 18, 2009, 10:39 AM

Most of the time i do not agree with you but i do this time. A couple pics every few months is good enough!

Anonymous May 18, 2009, 10:55 AM

Well all you have to do is ask the parent to please remove you from their mailing list. In a non rude way, of course. I would rather someone ask me in a nice way about it then to rant and rave and act like a b-word about it.

Anonymous May 18, 2009, 11:16 AM

i am sort of pissed because i was planning on writing a similar article, but you got to it first!
so true.

Brianne May 18, 2009, 11:38 AM

That’s the great thing about Facebook! Mommies can post pics of their precious ones and FB friends and family can either peruse the photo albums…or not.

Beth May 18, 2009, 12:47 PM

The point I agree with here is the pictures of the item in use. I try, really hard, to make sure I get pictures of my kids in their presents or using their presents so that the givers can see that their offering was appreciated. There have been a couple of times when i couldn’t (my daughter is sensitive to terry, so those adorable terry sleepers were never worn), but as much as I can, pictures are offered.

My photo list is a group of people who ask for pictures and who chastise me if they don’t see them often. I may have some people there who don’t want to be there. If someone emailed and said, hey, I really don’t need pictures that often. I’d stop.

cara May 18, 2009, 1:18 PM

I feel the same way and I have 2 kids of my own. Don’t shove pictures of ur brats in my face if I’m not related to them.

Anonymous May 18, 2009, 1:57 PM

I don’t show pictures to other people. Most of the other people I know, I hate anyway. I just wonder, why you are writing for a moms website if you are not a mom?

anonymouse May 18, 2009, 2:24 PM

I totally agree. No one wants to see 50-some pictures every couple of weeks of ANYTHING—even if it is your kid. Unless, of course, they’re grandma.

And the thank yous - YES, god yes. I usually have to twist the arm of a friend to send me a picture of their kid wearing something I got them! A simple thank you is nice, and I do usually get those, but I ask for just one picture and I never get one. I thought it was just my friends, I never realised it was some sort of phenomenon ;)

Anonymous May 18, 2009, 2:56 PM

This site makes me want the earth to die.

Darla May 18, 2009, 5:15 PM

I agree. Get a clue people… everyone does NOT think your babies are as cute as you do. Most are pretty ugly and bratty.

Tina May 19, 2009, 3:37 PM

I am a mommy of three kids and I know better than to show off pics of my kids but hell I still do, I am proud of them.But I only show off pics to friends who have showed me their kids first.

marisol May 19, 2009, 9:06 PM

I have 5 kids and you know what i dont want to see pictures of anybody else i dont even carry pictures of my own … dont have enough by looking at them all day ……..

BETH May 22, 2009, 4:06 PM

who the F is this chick? what gives her the right or the balls….if she doesnt want to look at other peoples babies then dont look at them…maybe she’s jel…maybe her kid is missing an ear or has 3 eyes…that would be horrible, but no one would make fun of her child…no one else is that rude…now IM GOING TO POST millions of pics of my beautiful grandaughter…if you dont like it….K.M.A.

Green Is Good May 24, 2009, 11:17 AM

Ha ha ha! Hilarious! I love your bitchiness!

Monica June 4, 2009, 12:21 AM

Yeah I get this. Went I send pics of my tot its usually about every six months or once a year. I have seriously slowed my roll of taking pictures. Because it can be annoying to receive a bunch of picture and then be obligated to say, ‘Oh how cute.” Even when its not cute or should I rather say when it just an okay picture. Most of the time I am so neglectful of send pictures that I send them out per request. When someone say you haven’t sent me any pictures of the baby then I know that just maybe there are other who just might want to know what the kids looks like now or rather I say who or what creature he looks like.

singliegirlie June 14, 2009, 4:46 PM

Finally a voice of reason! Yeah, yeah, yeah, moms, I get that they’re your pride and joy and perhaps they should be. But they’re not mine. And yes, as much as I’d like to say “Oh, how cute!”, they pretty much all look the same. How about if I send multiple pictures of my adorable cat, or of the latest guy I picked up at a club and had amazing sex with?

Another peeve is when moms put a pic of their kid as their main profile pic on Facebook. It is YOUR profile, not your kid’s. I hope you still have your own identity and are not just Joey’s mom.

Rock on, CB, rock on.

talina September 30, 2009, 4:52 PM

LOL, I send those monthly emails out and would hope that when someone is over them they’ll let me know. Some people get all offended to not get updates others get sick of them… Speak your peace with the sender. They’ll stop.

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