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I Hate Your Baby Pictures

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Childless Bitch: Or, Why I Think You Should Slow Your Roll On All Those Baby Pictures You Send Out.

childless bitch hating baby pictures via email

Hello, mommies. I'm back and bitchy as ever. I went all soft and gooey for a second there with a post praising the "Amazing Race's" Bionic Mom. But I try and not let that side come out too often. After all, I have a rep to protect.

Onward! Here's what you're doing lately to piss me off. Wait for it ... wait for it ... pictures! Of your baby. Monthly effing pictures of your baby's developments. My inbox is flooded with baldheaded toothless wonders and little gasbags, er, babies, with small strange patches of hair atop their chubby googly-eyed faces. Here's a little secret -- all newborn babies, up to the point where they are ready to shop for prom dresses, look the same to us non-parents. I keed, I keed. Sort of. But seriously, I am your friend and not the grandparent of your child, and therefore, I do not need to see a digital photo album with pictures detailing every single day of your precious baby's life. Sending out a few pics every three or four months is sufficient.

But while we're on the subject of photos, I've got another little something to get off my chest. Since I know all you mommies are so point-and-click happy, how come you never send a thank you picture with your kid in the adorable bikini, witty onesey, or badass hat that I bought for him or her? I'm not implying that you were raised in a barn and don't send thank you cards, because you do. But really, and especially if you live far away, I would like nothing more than to see your offspring running around in an outfit hand-picked by Auntie Childless Bitch. Just something to consider. Thank you and feel free to fire away at what a heartless a**hole I am in the comments.

next: A Mother's Choice: Her Baby or Herself
24 comments so far | Post a comment now
Erin October 1, 2009, 1:20 PM

I think it’s just mean the way some people seem to label ALL kids “brats”.If you don’t want to see my pics, fine. But you don’t need to get insulting by calling my children (and those of every other parent) names. As for making a shot of my child a profile pic, yes, it is my profile - I repeat, MY profile. My children are the biggest (albeit not the only) part of my life - what better image to represent me? If you can’t accept that, you’re not much of a friend anyway, so just delete me.

Erin October 1, 2009, 1:26 PM

And another thing - babies are often (and almost literally) SHOWERED with gifts. If I tried to get a picture of my son wearing or playing with every gift he’s ever given, then making sure it made in to the inbox or the mailbox of the person who gave or sent it, it’s all I’d ever have time to do. As much as I’d love to do it, it’s just not realistic. Those of us with kids don’t generally have a lot of time to kill.

Syd June 18, 2010, 12:35 PM

Actually, I’m a Mom, but I still get freaking sick of baby pictures. If I wanna see them, I’ll look on your facebook. STOP SENDING THEM TO ME!

Auntie June 22, 2010, 7:53 PM

I have to agree with you. I am an aunt and love my nephews, but I don’t want to see other people’s pictures. I don’t want to see the parents put their kid on their profile picture. And I don’t want them to post every little thing that their kids do on their status either. C’mon people, you existed before them, keep your own identity.

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